Weird, Creepy, Dating, First Dates and Love: Joe Smooth - FML

Joe Smooth

By riiiight - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Warren

Today, I went on a blind date. The first thing the guy did was ask if I knew what it felt like to have spiders crawl out of my vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 055

You deserved it 5 926

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Top comments

jizzwold 21

Thursday 30 January 2014 0:37

He sounds like a nice young man.

Welshite 39

Thursday 30 January 2014 0:37

That's when you walk away.

Comments

stoych 19

Thursday 30 January 2014 1:53

Creepy guy. Would have made my excuses and hot footed it outta there! On the other hand, maybe he was really nervous and just said the first thing that came into his head? (Although why that subject was there I don't know)!

buckdharma 36

Thursday 30 January 2014 1:59

There was a young lady who opened his fly. I don't know why she opened his fly, Perhaps he pried. There was a young lady who allowed his spider, That wiggled and wiggled and tickled inside her. She allowed the spider, out of his fly. But I don't know why she opened his fly. Perhaps she'll lie.

Futacy 29

Thursday 30 January 2014 22:23

The creepiness of your profile pic matches the creepiness of your comment

leo812 11

Thursday 30 January 2014 2:01

freak.... i hope you forget he existed thats just weird.

143amandaott 10

Thursday 30 January 2014 2:03

WTF!

Bilbo_Swaggins 5

Thursday 30 January 2014 2:19

Well do you?

worldclassrager 39

Thursday 30 January 2014 2:24

Crabs I know...but spiders I have no clue...

JMichael 25

Thursday 30 January 2014 2:28

Should of said nope but I know how a guinea pig feels!

brianlarkin 7

Thursday 30 January 2014 2:39

He's a keeper

mattrd_fml 31

Thursday 30 January 2014 2:47

Sounds like a winner!

awilliams44 9

Thursday 30 January 2014 2:52

he's a freak..

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Weird Shopping My ex Awkward Family Relatable Racism Love Kids AITA Cheating Work Break-ups Animals Cats Cute Intimacy Sex Relationship advice Coworkers Alcohol Health Psychology Mental health Neighbours Cops Scary Stressed out Parents

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 98 339

You deserved it 7 901

Today, just as I was starting to get better with my depression through medication and therapy, my partner decided we needed to break up. He's been completely unsupportive and hasn’t cared. I’m just sad that this worsens my depression more than missing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 876

You deserved it 155

The Top

Today, my cat was looking a little peaky. After craning my neck to check for lumps under his chin, he felt this was the perfect time to throw up a half-digested mouse onto my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 583

You deserved it 252

Today, I received a $100 bill in the mail as a late graduation present. I placed it on the table so I could go to the bathroom. I come back to find the table empty and my $100 bill missing. The fan blew the money on the floor and my 8 week old puppy ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 352

You deserved it 18 132

Today, I spent three hours painstakingly installing and configuring some parental control software on my 11-year-old son's laptop after I caught him watching porn. Barely an hour after returning the laptop, I caught him watching yet more porn on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 325

You deserved it 14 710

Today, I watched my grandmother's funeral on a webcam. She died at 95 because the overwhelmed hospital kept putting back her pacemaker operation. I hadn't seen her in two years. Fuck Covid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 473

You deserved it 107

Today, I was outside when a mouse ran toward my feet. There was a wall behind me, so I tried to jump over him. He changed course, and I landed on him. It crunched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 835

You deserved it 8 113

Today, my husband chose to masturbate. I'm not getting laid for the forth night in a row, because initiating sex is too hard for him. Just once, I want to not have to initiate or flat out beg for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 468

You deserved it 283