Weird, Creepy, Dating, First Dates and Love: Joe Smooth

Joe Smooth

By riiiight - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Warren

Today, I went on a blind date. The first thing the guy did was ask if I knew what it felt like to have spiders crawl out of my vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 054

You deserved it 5 926

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Top comments

jizzwold 21

Thursday 30 January 2014 0:37

He sounds like a nice young man.

Welshite 39

Thursday 30 January 2014 0:37

That's when you walk away.

Comments

Michael2687 9

Wednesday 12 February 2014 23:49

WTF?!?!?!?!?!

MrsSoulEvans 9

Thursday 13 February 2014 0:29

Eww eww ewww that is just not right

grritsshay 18

Wednesday 21 May 2014 21:07

It's not an attic full of cobwebs, it's a ******. Someone needs to either get a better sense of humor or go back to sex Ed.

jds91_fml 7

Sunday 10 August 2014 13:28

..... do you?

lifecanbeabiatch 6

Tuesday 16 June 2015 23:00

Always get the important questions out in the open straight away!

RoyalJoker4 15

Wednesday 26 August 2015 4:48

Run just run

withered 30

Monday 4 July 2016 9:23

Did you tell him "Yes. It happens every 9 months after I am in heat".

chopherdwn 2

Sunday 11 June 2023 14:31

Just don’t believe it. They say anything for clout

xaddrus 17

Monday 12 June 2023 1:36

i hope his next question wasn’t “do you want to?”

Keywords

Management Work Love Jealousy Relatable Relationship advice Mental health Miscellaneous Friends Awkward Health Healthy Lifestyle Ironic Food Money Birthday Family Gifts Mother in law Public freakouts Education Parents Students Exams Pranks Weird Argument AITA Insects Fear

The Top

Today, I woke up late. My grandparents had slept over the night before, but they usually leave early. I heard someone in the kitchen and, thinking it was my brother, I said, "Thank god, the geriatric crew is FINALLY gone." My grandma then responded, "No, we're not." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 496

You deserved it 74 251

Today, I handed in my resignation letter after over three and a half years working at the company. My manager is angry with me, since we returned from an overseas business trip yesterday, and why didn't I inform her before the trip. She now wants me to pay all costs of trip before leaving the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 016

You deserved it 1 217

The Top

Today, at 17 years-old my doctor told me my balls are riddled with multiple small cancerous tumours. They are now useless for sperm production and will have to be removed anyway to cure the cancer, but not to worry, for aesthetic reasons they can replace them with silicone balls instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 165

You deserved it 118

Today, I went to a Halloween party dressed as a pirate. Someone complimented me on how convincing the fake teeth were that I had on for my costume. I wasn't wearing fake teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 193

You deserved it 6 566

Today, my older brother walked in on me while I was wearing nothing but a bra, panties, pantyhose, and high heels. I'm his little brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 011

You deserved it 72 288

Today, I'm sharing a hotel room with co-workers on a business trip. The walls are paper-thin, you could hear a pin drop, and I'm trying to make my explosive diarrhea as close to silent as possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 692

You deserved it 2 830

Today, after a lot of begging, I finally convinced my husband to shave all of his pubes off. Now I can't even look at it without laughing, and he's mad at me for making him do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 644

You deserved it 56 794

Today, my girlfriend decided to wake me up from a nap by kissing me. I started kissing her back passionately, when she slapped me. Apparently, kissing her back automatically without "confirming her identity" counts as cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 327

You deserved it 4 461