Intimacy: Happy place

Happy place

By HansonLUVR - 12/03/2009 00:26 - United States

Today, I was eating lunch naked at my home watching porn on the big screen. I heard the garage door opening meaning my roommate was coming home. In my haste to get dressed, I fell back in the barstool I was sitting in and knocked myself out. I woke up still naked and with lettuce all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 237

You deserved it 79 211

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Same thing different taste

By killmyself - 23/01/2009 19:50 - United States

Today, I was masturbating lying on the lower bed of my brother's and my bunk beds. I finished jacking off and tried to get up to clean myself I hit my head on metal panel of the upper bed and passed out. Later woke up in my bed... found out my parents came home and saw me passed out naked holding a porn mag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 358

You deserved it 47 177

By oneloveliz - 17/09/2017 23:15

Today, I was watching my dog via security camera live feed, when my roommate came in completely naked to make breakfast for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 462

You deserved it 1 566

Right place, wrong time

By Anonymous - 22/01/2009 16:09 - United States

Today, I was sitting on the couch, computer next to me, lotion on the floor, and my dick in my hand when my roommate walked in on me. Scared and looking me right in the face he says, "What's for dinner?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 209

You deserved it 29 823

By adam - 03/02/2010 20:10 - France

Today, my mom woke me up and asked if I wanted breakfast. I had passed out naked on the kitchen floor after a party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 083

You deserved it 40 654

By stellarshaun - 16/01/2009 22:10 - United States

Today, I was naked in bed. I was eating vanilla yogurt and it spilt. My dad walked in and then apologized that he had walked in on me while I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 260

You deserved it 10 896

Wipe time

By brad - 16/04/2024 11:00 - United States

Today, I came home and walked into my living room to see my roommate passed out naked, porn autoplaying on the living room TV, a killed 12-case of beer, and dried jizz all over the couch from God knows how many loads. “I thought you were coming home tomorrow,” he said. At least the sofa is leather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 324

You deserved it 96

By mrmr - 07/02/2010 18:32 - United States

Today, I was taking a shower and the glass sliding door was jammed. I tugged it, and it shattered all over me. I was naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 531

You deserved it 3 022

By Jonnygiant - 14/03/2009 01:45 - United States

Today, I was taking a shower after basketball practice. When I got out of the shower I thought no one was home so I thought it might be fun to walk around the house completely naked. I walk downstairs and my mom was eating dinner. Along with 20 other members of her bookclub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 266

You deserved it 70 097

By tapeissticky591 - 14/07/2012 05:49 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, I woke up naked, duck-taped to the wall, with no memory of last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 905

You deserved it 36 502

About last night…

By Anonymous - 28/11/2020 20:08

Today, I woke up on the couch in front of the television covered with a blanket. Last night, I'd come home pissed from the pub, fired up porn, got my pants off and settled down for a wank. However, this morning the telly was off, my trousers were on, and I don't remember a blanket. I live with my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 274

You deserved it 1 981

Tenantry 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 9:36

I never new that many people eat food naked till I started reading FML.

waywardson 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 9:57

Who watches **** on a bar stool?

Comments

deadlycandii 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 1:21

lmao xD

flykhicks007 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 1:54

lol "jackpot"

flykhicks007 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 1:57

salad+****+naked+jacking off=dont use the ranch dressing

Antonio718 0

Friday 26 June 2009 2:29

LMFAO

prospekt1 0

Sunday 26 July 2009 7:58

wtf is your problem yoy freak

JakobKain 0

Saturday 5 September 2009 21:37

Calm down, buddy. Almost every guy does it.

_theman_ 0

Wednesday 30 September 2009 3:38

actually i think the guy was half dressed before he got knocked out, then when he woke up he had salad all over him and fully naked. FYL

drunkin21 0

Sunday 3 January 2010 12:08

how the **** you gunna first of all eat and be naked WTF then watch ****?! smh that must mean you were always the awkward one in grade school lmfao.

vanessageorge 0

Wednesday 10 March 2010 18:16

#4 you're hot ;)

cattack 0

Thursday 15 July 2010 4:33

Wtf did your roommate do, separate a head of lettuce over you??

sugarquill 0

Sunday 7 November 2010 0:11

Something about the last sentence is hysterically funny.

william1993 0

Wednesday 8 December 2010 2:13

bust a nut, niggaaah!!

Keywords

Kids Art Covid Health Birthday Relatable Awkward Cars Love Transportation Gross Family Poopoo peepee Neighbours Sex Intimacy Lonely Dreams Management Work Jealousy Relationship advice Mental health Miscellaneous Friends Abuse Parents Healthy Lifestyle Ironic Food

The Top

Today, I had an awful day and angrily threw a glass at the wall. Needless to say, I didn't feel like cleaning it up, and I took a nap, intending to do it later. I thought I would remember the bits of glass everywhere when I woke up. I didn't, but my feet soon did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 580

You deserved it 66 653

Today, I got out of bed and went downstairs in my boxers to get a glass of water. I entered the kitchen and said hi to my visiting mother-in-law, who smiled. Only after a good ten minutes did she decide to tell me that my knob was hanging from a gap in my boxers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 236

You deserved it 6 704

The Top

Today, I came out of the closet. Now whenever I'm getting ready to go somewhere with my dad he says, "Lesgo, lesbo." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 429

You deserved it 13 547

Today, our dog died suddenly, so I paid for tests to find out why. Turns out she had zero blood sugar, like a diabetic who overdosed on insulin. I’m diabetic and I’m always telling my 6 year-old son it’s medicine to make daddy better. The dog was sick yesterday, and my son knows how I inject. Damn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 178

You deserved it 243

Today, I was made aware that my teenage son used "Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter" as a reference point in a class debate as if it was a biopic. Oh dear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 593

You deserved it 2 911

Today, I asked the girl I'm madly in love with out to dinner. When she asked me if I would pay, I jokingly said, "Well, that depends on how the date goes." She looked me up and down and said, "No thanks then." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 514

You deserved it 15 007

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend, the father of my kids, had been practically begging women to sleep with him throughout the duration of both pregnancies, and has also spent hundreds of dollars on OnlyFans every month. He promised to permanently delete OnlyFans 3 times and still hasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 516

You deserved it 572

Today, in a waiting room, my 4-year-old daughter told me she saw two guys kissing. I quietly explained that some men like men, they're gay, and normal like everyone else. I was pleased with myself until the woman across from me scoffed and muttered, "Disgusting." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 480

You deserved it 8 366