Intimacy: Envy

Envy

By Anonymous - 26/08/2010 08:15 - United States

Today, while watching my guinea pigs have sex, I got jealous. Yeah. It's been that long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 261

You deserved it 13 100

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 05/04/2014 14:27 - United States - Plymouth

Today, I found out that the squeaking I've heard for the past three months, that I thought was my guinea pig, is actually my girlfriend cheating on me with my older brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 606

You deserved it 7 350

By murphy - 02/02/2009 10:49 - United States

Today, though I'm normally unperturbed by my single-ness, I walked by some squirrels engaged in mating rituals and felt a pang of jealousy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 414

You deserved it 4 130

What a cozy moment

By ratfaced - 12/10/2017 07:00 - United States - Stamford

Today, I woke up to a squeaking noise and the feeling of something furry on my cheek. I smiled, thinking it was my guinea pigs nosing me awake. Then I remembered that my guinea pigs were in their cage on the other side of the room, and opened my eyes to see the biggest rat ever staring right at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 723

You deserved it 376

By Merdoc - 03/02/2009 17:22 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's guinea pig managed to go down her shirt. I have been dating her for 3 weeks and I haven't even kissed her yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 342

You deserved it 44 725

By stpdaziandude - 08/05/2009 20:51 - United States

Today, I was watching an animal behavior movie. All of a sudden, it brings up two snails going at it. I got hard watching it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 896

You deserved it 44 998

Naughty boy

By Anonomous - 29/12/2013 00:31 - United States - Plainfield

Today, marks the third week since my sister's guinea pig learned to masturbate. He humps his wheel and makes squeaking noises for five minutes, then rolls over on his side and pants heavily. He does it at least twice a night while I'm trying to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 039

You deserved it 4 155

By Beeisc00l - 05/10/2011 18:58 - Reserved

Today, I was playing video games at 2am. My guinea pig started squealing at me, and wouldn't stop until I turned out the lights and got into bed. I'm 20 years old, and I've let a rodent dictate my bedtime. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 605

You deserved it 22 502

By HelpMe - 25/02/2014 09:59 - United Kingdom - Galashiels

Today, my mum asked me how the guinea pig was doing. We don't have a guinea pig. Turns out she had volunteered me to look after the next door neighbor's guinea pig when they were away and 'forgot' to tell me. They have been gone two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 981

You deserved it 3 843

By bored2death - 23/07/2010 22:15 - United States

Today, I realized that the only one willing to hang out with me this summer is my guinea pig. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 254

You deserved it 6 216

By nick - 27/06/2016 03:44 - United States - Highland Park

Today, my girlfriend started making pig noises during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 460

You deserved it 2 106

duztx 0

Thursday 26 August 2010 16:08

So why would you watch them?

Lounia_fml 8

Thursday 26 August 2010 16:22

Animal **** isn't the solution.. get out there OP :P

Comments

lilbittybaby123 0

Sunday 29 August 2010 0:45

"today while me and my guinea pig lover were having sex, my owner watched...we need to move FML

CireSisselpud 0

Sunday 29 August 2010 17:21

you gosh darn idioso fricken what the heck man you are pooey.

iluvmyduckie 0

Saturday 4 September 2010 20:45

Ya...theres this thing called **** and ************....it's less disturbing and def more pleasureful! LOL

thelawmak3r 0

Sunday 5 September 2010 1:22

**** is awesome i like priva and tia tanaka

evan40111 0

Monday 11 October 2010 20:13

I-n-t-e-r-n-e-t p-o-r-n

sparare27 0

Monday 18 October 2010 13:02

2 questions. what the f*** are you doing watching guinea pigs have sex?, and, why the f*** would you tell half the world you watch that shit?

italyrules08 0

Friday 18 March 2011 1:00

dude really come in watching your pets have sex is just WRONG! if you are really desperate, there's a new thing out called prostitutes!!! :P

mikebrian5 0

Saturday 2 July 2011 6:09

40 year old virgin much!

nado13579 12

Wednesday 7 December 2011 22:25

Maybe if you didn't watch animal **** you could get laid. :]

missmcg 4

Wednesday 8 August 2012 17:39

what a sad life you live ;...;

Keywords

Work Management Jealousy Love Mental health Relationship advice Relatable Awkward Miscellaneous Friends Healthy Lifestyle Health Food Ironic Gifts Mother in law Money Birthday Family Public freakouts Education Parents Pranks Students Exams Weird Argument AITA Fear Insects

The Top

Today, on my friend's birthday, I met a guy I really liked at a club, and he asked me to go home with him. At 2 a.m., my friend called but I missed her calls. When I woke up, she'd texted me pictures of all my things that I had at her place thrown outside in the snow. All because I didn’t go home with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 574

You deserved it 1 202

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting it on. At one point, he started to kiss my ear. Then, he stopped, went into the bathroom, and came out with about four Q-tips. He then said to me, "Just take care of your ears, then I'll continue." FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 2 005

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I agree, your life sucks 60 426

You deserved it 3 283

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, by text, while we were in the same room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 160

You deserved it 4 258

Today, like any other day I moan after I sneeze. The only issue is that today my husband was on the phone with his grandmother, and had to explain to her, while trying not to laugh, that he wasn't having sex with me while on the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 671

You deserved it 1 296

Today, I was eating a bowl of cereal and noticed something float to the top. On closer inspection, it turned out to be a mouse turd. I had already eaten half the bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 690

You deserved it 4 455

Today, I found out that people know when you're screenshooting their snaps on Snapchat, by the guy I have a crush on, asking me why I keep doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 118

You deserved it 18 062

Today, I came back to my apartment after moving most of my stuff out. Upon returning, I learned that my now ex-roommate drank all of my alcohol and threw away my things, thinking that I had forgotten them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 273

You deserved it 3 838

Envy

Same thing different taste

What a cozy moment

Naughty boy

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