Intimacy: Envy

Envy

By Anonymous - 26/08/2010 08:15 - United States

Today, while watching my guinea pigs have sex, I got jealous. Yeah. It's been that long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 261

You deserved it 13 100

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 05/04/2014 14:27 - United States - Plymouth

Today, I found out that the squeaking I've heard for the past three months, that I thought was my guinea pig, is actually my girlfriend cheating on me with my older brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 606

You deserved it 7 350

By murphy - 02/02/2009 10:49 - United States

Today, though I'm normally unperturbed by my single-ness, I walked by some squirrels engaged in mating rituals and felt a pang of jealousy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 414

You deserved it 4 130

What a cozy moment

By ratfaced - 12/10/2017 07:00 - United States - Stamford

Today, I woke up to a squeaking noise and the feeling of something furry on my cheek. I smiled, thinking it was my guinea pigs nosing me awake. Then I remembered that my guinea pigs were in their cage on the other side of the room, and opened my eyes to see the biggest rat ever staring right at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 723

You deserved it 376

By Merdoc - 03/02/2009 17:22 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's guinea pig managed to go down her shirt. I have been dating her for 3 weeks and I haven't even kissed her yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 342

You deserved it 44 725

By stpdaziandude - 08/05/2009 20:51 - United States

Today, I was watching an animal behavior movie. All of a sudden, it brings up two snails going at it. I got hard watching it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 896

You deserved it 44 998

Naughty boy

By Anonomous - 29/12/2013 00:31 - United States - Plainfield

Today, marks the third week since my sister's guinea pig learned to masturbate. He humps his wheel and makes squeaking noises for five minutes, then rolls over on his side and pants heavily. He does it at least twice a night while I'm trying to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 039

You deserved it 4 155

By Beeisc00l - 05/10/2011 18:58 - Reserved

Today, I was playing video games at 2am. My guinea pig started squealing at me, and wouldn't stop until I turned out the lights and got into bed. I'm 20 years old, and I've let a rodent dictate my bedtime. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 605

You deserved it 22 502

By HelpMe - 25/02/2014 09:59 - United Kingdom - Galashiels

Today, my mum asked me how the guinea pig was doing. We don't have a guinea pig. Turns out she had volunteered me to look after the next door neighbor's guinea pig when they were away and 'forgot' to tell me. They have been gone two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 981

You deserved it 3 843

By bored2death - 23/07/2010 22:15 - United States

Today, I realized that the only one willing to hang out with me this summer is my guinea pig. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 254

You deserved it 6 216

By nick - 27/06/2016 03:44 - United States - Highland Park

Today, my girlfriend started making pig noises during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 460

You deserved it 2 106

duztx 0

Thursday 26 August 2010 16:08

So why would you watch them?

Lounia_fml 8

Thursday 26 August 2010 16:22

Animal **** isn't the solution.. get out there OP :P

Comments

jrod12391 1

Thursday 26 August 2010 16:53

well thats not weird...

silverFML 0

Thursday 26 August 2010 16:53

ha you got free ****. XD

mintcar 9

Thursday 26 August 2010 17:27

Yuck. Rodent **** isn't going to help him much. This FML is really pathetic. You should've probably used your summer a bit wisely. Y'know, going out and meeting people. Watching your pets get some is just futile in so many ways.

imright24 0

Thursday 26 August 2010 16:56

unless a woman is married and not getting any at home, she should never complain about not getting sex. a woman, any woman, can get laid almost any day of the week if she really wants.