Intimacy, Sex and Drugs: Drugs are bad, mkay? - FML

Drugs are bad, mkay?

By Taylor Tempest - 27/12/2021 16:59

Spicy

Today, I learned that weed brownie plus weed gummies leads to me drooling… on my ex-husband’s cock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 347

You deserved it 2 376

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

Placebo

By mother teresa was a cunt - 17/09/2015 14:54 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I baked some brownies and after my mom ate one, I joked that I put weed in them. Turns out the placebo effect's a bitch, because she quickly started acting high as a kite. One bitch fit later, the brownies are in the trash and I'm grounded until I tell her where I bought the "weed". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 519

You deserved it 5 441

By Anonymous - 31/07/2009 15:10 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I discovered my wife has been smoking weed for the past 2 years before she has sex with me. She said it was the only way she could force herself to have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 725

You deserved it 7 170

By Annomymous - 23/01/2015 18:12 - United States - Clarkston

Today, my asshat roommate tricked me into eating a weed brownie. I thought it was his terrible attempt at baking regular brownies until it kicked in at college. I was so high, I started giggling like a schoolgirl when my instructor said "Dickens". Now everyone thinks I'm a retard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 878

You deserved it 4 889

American Beauty vibes

By vam22222 - 19/08/2022 06:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got caught sleeping with my now ex’s dad. He stole my weed, then kicked me out. Then his dad found out he had chlamydia, so now all 3 of us do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 138

You deserved it 3 069

By mateyouremental - 21/12/2012 20:48 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I baked some regular brownies for my friend. Just to mess with him, after he ate some, I said they had weed in them. He trashed my room in anger, and still won't believe me when I tell him that I didn't actually slip him any drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 107

You deserved it 40 104

By SKYYYLLLARRRR!!!! - 01/02/2015 16:17 - United States - Gurnee

Spicy

Today, my Breaking Bad-obsessed boyfriend actually used the phrase "I am the one who cocks" during foreplay. My vagina just about turned into a desert on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 341

You deserved it 4 280

Mood ruiner

By Skittles - 13/08/2017 20:00

Spicy

Today, while my husband and I were having sex, we were trying this strawberry flavored lube which had a very strong candy smell. My husband starts laughing mid-performance, looks me in the eye, and exclaims "F*CK THE RAINBOW, TASTE THE RAINBOW!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 836

You deserved it 1 297

By Anonymous - 05/01/2013 00:56 - Netherlands - Groningen

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband reacted by going out and smoking weed, then getting completely shitfaced, and having his buddies drag his nearly-comatose carcass back home from a strip club. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 457

You deserved it 5 191

By lehonX9 - 06/06/2015 09:11 - Germany - Hanover

Today, my mom found my weed stash and went berserk, grounding me and saying she's going to have my bedroom door removed. Less than an hour later, I found her laughing and smoking the same stash with my dad in the backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 789

You deserved it 9 717

By hopeless - 06/07/2012 05:46 - United States

Today, I found out that the only reason my boyfriend got a job was so that he could buy weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 833

You deserved it 7 006

Next

Top comments

Plop 17

Monday 27 December 2021 17:02

Well, assuming both of you are single, that's just a night of sex with an ex, nothing to write home about. And by that, I mean probably nobody at home wants to hear about your sexcapades while high out of your mind.

RichardPencil 30

Monday 27 December 2021 17:05

Try blowing on it and laughing at it. That seems to be a thing these days.

Comments

Plop 17

Monday 27 December 2021 17:02

Well, assuming both of you are single, that's just a night of sex with an ex, nothing to write home about. And by that, I mean probably nobody at home wants to hear about your sexcapades while high out of your mind.

RichardPencil 30

Monday 27 December 2021 17:05

Try blowing on it and laughing at it. That seems to be a thing these days.

Plop 17

Monday 27 December 2021 18:36

Hey! No kink shaming!

SirEnigM0nk 22

Monday 27 December 2021 22:12

Why am I imagining this being spoken by Towlie from South Park?

Advance 56

Tuesday 28 December 2021 10:26

Who could have guessed that drugs have side effects?

xaonng 5

Thursday 30 December 2021 1:02

doubt the guy is complaining

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I stuffed my buttcrack with toilet paper right before my job interview because I tend to sweat there a lot and I was wearing a white skirt. I went to the bathroom afterward to take it out but it wasn't there anymore. It could have only gone up two places. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 760

You deserved it 15 563

Today, a person I've never met called me a whore and spat on me. Why? Because I was babysitting for my neighbors and answered the door for two well dressed women passing out religious pamphlets. I politely declined to take any. Apparently being a 15 year-old girl caring for a toddler makes me a sex worker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 556

You deserved it 61

The Top

Today, I have a really high fever and my sister thought I was hot enough to fry an egg on. So I'm lying in bed now, still terribly feverish, but smelling of the egg she cracked on my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 312

You deserved it 3 644

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. The TV was on with the volume low, as we had been too preoccupied to turn it off. All of a sudden, my boyfriend stopped mid-thrust. He was watching the TV. House MD was on. He'd stopped to watch the differential diagnosis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 403

You deserved it 15 275

Today, I decided to lighten my hair. I applied the dye and waited 20 minutes. When I went to wash the dye out, the water wouldn't turn on. After my head started to burn, I called the landlord in a panic. Turns out there was a water main break and the entire city block doesn't have water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 747

You deserved it 5 976

Today, I brought my daughter to work with me. When we walked in, a client was blowing up at my boss, all because as my boss was walking past his storage unit, he glanced in and was about to compliment how neat it was. After my boss left, I had to deal with the aftermath, which left my daughter terrified of this man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 86

Today, I don't want to go to work because I hate my boss, but once I'm there, I won't want to go home because I hate my husband. I have nowhere else to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 177

You deserved it 461

Today, just after Christmas, my husband and father of my small children went and left us and I don’t know how to deal with any of it. I don’t know how to be a single mom or fix it. I want to wake up from this nightmare. I’m heartbroken, not just for myself but for my kids as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 817

You deserved it 132