Sleep, Cops and Miscellaneous: DON'T MOVE!

DON'T MOVE!

By Miller_Time - 18/03/2009 18:45 - United States

Today, I woke up at three in the morning when two cops busted in the door to my apartment and a frantic voice on my cellphone saying "Sir? Sir? Are you all right? Sir?" Turns out I had been having a nightmare and dreamed I called 911. I actually did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 822

You deserved it 8 697

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Same thing different taste

By I'm Not Dead Yet - 09/06/2014 19:37 - United States - Tucson

Today, I put my headphones on and laid down to relax to some music. I fell asleep, and woke up later to a police officer busting into my house. My neighbor had been knocking on my door, then looked through my window and saw me on my couch, and was convinced I'd died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 763

You deserved it 5 217

By ThatAintLogical - 18/12/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, I slipped as I was about to take a shower, knocking myself out cold. I woke up to someone banging on my door. It was a cop checking to see if I was okay. When I asked how he knew to come, he said he was notified by "a male neighbor who called anonymously." I guess I have a peeping Tom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 196

You deserved it 2 542

By Keldar - 19/08/2009 07:53 - United States

Today, at the gas station I work a lady called wanting to know the "password" and if I was okay. Thinking it was a prank I hung up. A couple of minutes later she called back, this time asking if I could see the cops outside and telling me I'd be alright. I saw four of 'em. I'd hit the silent alarm by accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 592

You deserved it 40 552

By GodDamnFan - 27/05/2009 11:44 - United States

Today, I was woken up at 2 in the morning by my phone ringing. As I groggily reached for it I managed to knock my fan onto my head, leaving a grate-shaped bruise. The best part? My phone wasn't ringing, I dreamed myself awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 210

You deserved it 5 797

By esoog - 19/05/2011 17:38 - United States

Today, I woke up in a panic to what sounded like a plane about to crash into my house. I was so scared, I peed myself and passed out. It was just my cell phone vibrating under my pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 523

You deserved it 48 392

Lock your doors

By homealone - 14/12/2016 23:27 - United States - Poughkeepsie

Today, after a long day at work, I fell asleep in my living room. When I woke up, I saw a man leaving my bedroom wearing my pajamas, and I started screaming as he casually left. The cops came and apparently he's mentally ill. He truly believed it was his house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 302

You deserved it 558

By notanightowlanymore - 05/01/2016 17:44 - United States - Clyde

Today, my grandfather showed up at my house in a panic. He rushed over, with a gun, because I wasn't answering his texts and he thought something had happened to me. I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 311

You deserved it 2 124

Occam's razor

By anonymous - 12/02/2011 05:48 - Canada

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 803

You deserved it 4 714

By Anonymous - 21/11/2015 10:03 - United States - Norwalk

Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 034

You deserved it 2 310

By Rachael - 30/11/2012 07:29 - Australia

Today, I was woken up by my elderly neighbor banging on my door at 2am. She needed "urgent" assistance as she had forgotten how to turn her TV off. I'd just fallen asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 117

You deserved it 1 876

Jcsati8 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 23:51

What did you tell them when they came? "i called 911 in my sleep, sorry dudes" you must have sounded real believeable!

gabbyh 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 23:48

BAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAAA omg. sorry. I've done something like that before. Except I overdosed and hallucinated that I called 911 but I really didn't.

Comments

mangobells 0

Thursday 1 October 2009 6:47

my friends brother gets up and asks where his siblings are and where his parents are, it's totally beleivable this story !

skeleton_skinner 0

Thursday 11 February 2010 9:11

Omg sleep dialing? Sure it wasn't drunk dialing. Naw jk fml buddy

TubMonster 0

Thursday 11 February 2010 11:40

Thats pretty amazing :D lol

music87 14

Friday 29 July 2011 21:31

lol that is totally my kind of luck.

LilAngel606 5

Sunday 2 October 2011 10:07

sleep waking put your phone in a different room and shut your door

altus35 4

Tuesday 13 December 2011 17:24

this is somewhat amazing

Katie_9078 8

Wednesday 16 July 2014 8:24

What would've been HILARIOUS and bad for the cops and you... is if you had slept naked that night X3

Keywords

Annoying Music Boredom Transportation Awkward Cars Embarrassing Family Babysitter Relatable Kids Thief Money Miscellaneous Food Gross Farts Health Depression Mental health Weird AITA Creepy Pregnancy Star Wars Social Media Facebook Work Wanker Bodyshaming

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 140

Today, my boyfriend and I were making love. I've been working on a novel for the past six months, and what would have been mid-way through, I accidentally said the main character's name instead of my boyfriend's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 584

You deserved it 16 951

The Top

Today, we had our second snow day in a row, something that never happens. So while the rest of school got to sleep late, I had to wake up early, get dressed, and go to my bus stop because my mom didn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 707

You deserved it 3 145

Today, a customer threatened to smash my face in because I wouldn't give him a veteran's discount on a donut. He looked like he'd eaten his way out of fat camp, and it seemed the only action he'd seen was fighting his way into a lard factory. Still, he swung fast, and I now have a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 479

You deserved it 17 961

Today, my parents informed that the man I am going to marry made the newspaper, on page twelve. He is listed as a fugitive and there is a warrant out for his arrest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 628

You deserved it 3 634

Today, my building's fire alarm went off. Unfortunately, this coincided with sexy time, and the loud alarm made me jumpy, making it extremely difficult to untie my naked boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 117

You deserved it 383

Today, I'm a waitress. A customer came in and acted very kindly and even mentioned how I was such a help to her. She also mentioned leaving a nice tip. The tip? A fake $20. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 651

You deserved it 1 191

Today, I figured out the medical problem with my wife’s legs. She likes to spread them so my cousin has somewhere to rest his penis while I’m at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 602

You deserved it 186

DON'T MOVE!

Same thing different taste

Lock your doors

Occam's razor

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