Intimacy: Contempt

Contempt

By Anonymous - 26/08/2014 21:46 - Bosnia and Herzegovina - Tuzla

Today, I wore a sexy nurse's outfit for a little roleplay with my boyfriend. After the main event, he said the sex was actually pretty bad and that he should file a medical malpractice lawsuit. Then he laughed at his own joke, got dressed, and went out for drinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 730

You deserved it 6 667

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Same thing different taste

Turn it off

By Anonymous - 26/03/2022 06:00

Today, I got dressed up in lingerie for my boyfriend. He looked at me, said, "Nice," then went back to watching TV and drinking beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 142

You deserved it 166

By Nosexytime - 14/01/2010 15:56 - United States

Today, for my boyfriend's 21st birthday, I wore sexy lingerie, put on a naughty librarian outfit, and did a strip tease for him. He just laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 670

You deserved it 5 353

Cut it out

By uhhggggg - 02/01/2010 17:16 - France

Today, I was trying to be dirty with my fiancé. He got really into the roleplaying and wouldn't stop pretending to be a cop for hours. Mood officially killed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 583

You deserved it 4 339

Sensitive snowflake

By onepussytwopussy - 07/03/2014 19:47 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 397

You deserved it 26 442

Life imitates bad art

By sex sent me to the Er - 15/10/2019 14:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Feeling goofy, I thought it’d be funny to try to reenact that horrible sex scene from the movie Showgirls. I threw my body back, but completely lost my balance and smashed my head on the headboard. I ended up with a bad concussion and a huge hospital bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 834

You deserved it 2 118

By cmore - 11/03/2010 01:10 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when he finished, seemingly angry. He stood there naked complaining for 15 minutes about how our sex sucked. Then he demanded that I dress him because "it's my fault his clothes were off in the first place". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 013

You deserved it 5 638

Come again

By Anonymous - 09/07/2009 07:35

Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 968

You deserved it 62 450

By Anonymous - 16/10/2012 12:36 - United States - Battle Creek

Today, I tried role playing with my boyfriend. As I came out in sexy lingerie, I announced, "I'm Natalia, a Russian spy fluent in 2 languages: Russian and your cock." He laughed so hard he practically pissed himself. The night ended in me doing his laundry. Alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 005

You deserved it 20 540

By LaLa - 09/01/2012 05:01 - United States

Today, I was with my boyfriend, and we started to get a little kinky. He laid me down roughly on the bed, but I started to slide off, so I pulled myself up. In doing so, I managed to knee him in the nut-sack, causing him to puke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 703

You deserved it 7 859

Meat

By tomedicalforlove - 21/02/2013 05:51

Today, my husband and I were fooling around in the shower. For some reason, I thought it'd be a good idea to grab his man meat and show him how to wash someone at a nursing home. He said he'd never be turned on by a nurse again. I'm a nurse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 130

You deserved it 41 952

cjwayy 22

Wednesday 27 August 2014 5:09

Yikes. Not sure if he thinks the sex was really that bad, or if he's just an asshole.

Wilffe56 9

Wednesday 27 August 2014 5:10

Well.... perhaps this is an eye opener. Find someone new or try something new. OP if your boyfriend doesn't like what you try then make him dress up.

Comments

Baileybro21 4

Thursday 28 August 2014 1:27

Maybe your boyfriend thinks the sex is bad because he has such a small dick, considering he shoved three fourths of it into his personality.

reaxion 25

Thursday 28 August 2014 2:10

Yup, your man is an unappreciative asshat. He should have made more effort since you already went to great lengths to be a bit kinky.

pizza_derivery 5

Thursday 28 August 2014 2:39

Maybe he was just hinting at a lawyer and client role play for the next time. Otherwise yeah he's just an ass

Dt33345 13

Thursday 28 August 2014 7:15

Man is he a fuckface. Completely offtopic now, awesome it's a person from Bosnia and Herzegovina on here!

myhamhat 3

Thursday 28 August 2014 9:29

Funniest guy getting no sex... By the way this is a brilliant website, cleverly moderated (I can tell that some really dumb illiterate submissions have been given the common witty dry spin by the moderators), but the comments are stooooPID. Most completely miss the inherent black humour and irony of the submission, and even worse most are dopey helpful hints thus completely missing the point. This humour (yeah not humor) is not about seeking reassurance, support, or helpful hints, it is about coping with gallows wit. Oh never mind. No-one is going to read this anyway.

NamelessFace 22

Saturday 30 August 2014 2:07

...This is a website about complaining about your shitty life. Of course you're looking for sympathy. Sure, it's amusing, but someone actually had to deal with it and probably isn't amused. (Oh, and if you're going to tell us that saying humor instead of humour is wrong, then maybe you shouldn't also hyphenate "no one". It's not hyphenated no matter what country you're in.)