Sex, ACAB and Intimacy: Cut it out

Cut it out

By uhhggggg - 02/01/2010 17:16 - France

Today, I was trying to be dirty with my fiancé. He got really into the roleplaying and wouldn't stop pretending to be a cop for hours. Mood officially killed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 577

You deserved it 4 335

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Same thing different taste

Get it on

By xomelodygervais - 08/11/2013 14:00 - Canada - Timmins

Today, my husband's version of roleplaying was pretending that he actually wanted to have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 959

You deserved it 6 173

By Stuby14 - 23/11/2015 14:31 - United States - Brookings

Today, my girlfriend and I were sending dirty messages to each other. We were getting really into it until she replied to one of my messages with, "Oooooh yeah." I read it in the Kool-Aid man's voice and couldn't stop laughing. Mood killed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 297

You deserved it 5 781

Make believe

By somebodyelse - 17/08/2009 05:13 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting pretty hot and heavy, then he said, "Let's pretend you're someone else." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 862

You deserved it 5 508

Fantasy world

By whathef???? - 13/02/2010 06:51 - Canada

Today, my husband and I were role playing to keep our marriage alive. His character was a deranged stalker while I was the helpless girl. My neighbor thought I was really being chased so she called the cops. Once they came we explained the whole story and got a fine for disturbing the peace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 849

You deserved it 7 890

By too good - 24/10/2014 10:54 - United Kingdom - Dartford

Today, my boyfriend and I tried roleplaying a teacher-student during sex. We're both studying to be actors, so we ended up going into a really deep, emotional storyline that didn't end in sex at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 001

You deserved it 14 551

Not into it

By Anonymous - 04/11/2022 06:00

Today, I tried to seduce my long term boyfriend into doing the deed for about an hour. He didn't even put his phone down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 083

You deserved it 240

By Busted - 21/10/2009 21:25 - United States

Today, I was with my boyfriend, and things were getting pretty heated. Trying to be sexy, I told him that every time we touched was a guilty pleasure. He rolled off of me, and said "Oh, you're married too?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 188

You deserved it 4 268

The best laid plans…

By A drunk walks into a bar and says NO SEX TONIGHT - 22/07/2022 16:00

Today, while trying to spice up our marriage, we decided to get a hotel room and roleplay as strangers who meet in a bar and have a one night stand. By the time I got there, he was engrossed in the football and on the beer. He didn't notice me arrive and when he did, he was too drunk to get the roleplay right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 385

You deserved it 266

By picturemenakedbaby - 21/07/2009 10:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 946

You deserved it 12 716

The Great Pretender

By CJune24 - 22/10/2014 21:24 - United Kingdom - Huddersfield

Today, I tried to seduce my boyfriend so I mounted him and began kissing him. He immediately pretended to snore into my mouth and rolled over, making me fall off of the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 527

You deserved it 5 442

Ninjaface 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 22:13

Did he give you a ticket for being a buzzkill?

lucky4sum 0

Sunday 3 January 2010 0:55

Ur fiancé rocks, stop complaining.

Comments

tha69ers 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 20:10

SWEET MOTHER OF ****. D:

fuzion50 6

Tuesday 23 November 2010 7:45

wow you're so cool cuz u can say you deserved it (you were to lazy to even type it out) and then saying first. you are a ******* toolshed.

ClassyCommando 13

Saturday 14 April 2012 19:15

My God, he's killed the mood! Police brutality!

spitfire35 3

Saturday 2 January 2010 20:14

Get used to it. He is your fiancé.

FUGYU 2

Tuesday 5 July 2011 23:02

probably not for long :)

ClassyCommando 13

Saturday 14 April 2012 19:18

37 - Because he enjoyed pretending to be a cop? That's this site for you "OMG dump his ass!!!!".

dangletsbang21 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 20:16

I think you have a serious problem hahahaha

azurablade 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 20:31

I like kinky women 

Leahy 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 20:34

creepy

ChuckDangerz 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 20:40

fail

clatchy 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 21:05

lolwuuut

HamsteronA 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 21:10

haha made my 2010

skeemo 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 21:48

oh wow what an imagination... most def FYL

Ninjaface 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 22:13

Did he give you a ticket for being a buzzkill?

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was told by my sister over the dinner table that some guy is telling people I’ve had sex with him; that’s not even the worst part. He’s telling people my sister walked in. One, I haven’t talked to him in years; two, he’s really not my type, three, I’m in a relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 139

You deserved it 96

Today, there's a stray black cat in my apartment complex. It had badly bitten me two months ago and I had to get several injections. Today the same cat barged into my flat when I opened the door to receive a delivery, and it attacked my cat. I barely managed to fight and push him out of my flat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386

You deserved it 70

The Top

Today, I was walking down the street when I saw a cute dog. I reached down to pet it, but it snarled then bit me. As I was walking away, I saw the owner of the dog, who was laughing and filming the whole thing on his shitty cellphone. I hope the video isn't out there on TikTok or whatever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 974

Today, I read that using vegetable oil would give your legs a smooth feel, especially if you haven't shaved for weeks. So I tried it out. My legs felt slimy, the oil clogged up the blades, and I was reduced to shaving my legs with a naked razor head and soapy water. Endlessly smooth indeed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 006

You deserved it 27 753

Today, I was woken up to the crushing of my balls after my 5-year-old son thought it would be the best way to wake me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 759

You deserved it 2 181

Today, my daughter would rather make payments on a payment plan for a $2000 Gucci purse, yet she refuses to move out and get a place on her own, or chip in for rent. She’s 29. FML

I agree, your life sucks 588

You deserved it 1 128

Today, I went to see a movie with three of my friends, and I was sharing popcorn with one of them. Halfway through the movie, my friend asked me why I wasn't eating our popcorn. I then realised I'd been taking popcorn from the man sitting next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 846

You deserved it 8 969

Today, I ordered an iPad to replace a broken tablet in a haste. I managed to order one of the only ones that doesn't support an Apple pencil. This is exactly the only feature I SERIOUSLY need. Can one be more stupid? FML

I agree, your life sucks 317

You deserved it 1 040