Intimacy: Caught a stray bullet

Caught a stray bullet

By cryface - 07/02/2014 04:48 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend he was like an animal in bed. He responded saying I was like a dead animal in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 999

You deserved it 17 802

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Same thing different taste

By meow - 14/01/2010 04:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that sharing a bed with me was like sleeping with a seizing cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 760

You deserved it 4 492

By anonomys - 05/09/2011 19:19 - Canada

Today, my husband compared me to his parents' dog. Why? Because when I sleep, I fart and scare myself awake. Just like his parents' dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 277

You deserved it 10 112

By Anonymous - 04/04/2015 12:53 - United States

Today, while at the zoo with my boyfriend, he pointed at the howling gorillas and shouted over to me: "Hah! That's what you sound like in bed!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 579

You deserved it 4 250

Dirty talk

By CorpseBride - 07/02/2017 04:00 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my boyfriend asked me to talk dirty in bed for him, but my brain went blank and I panicked. I couldn't think of what to say, so I suddenly blurted out, "Do whatever you want with my body. Treat it like a corpse." He laughed and I died a little inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 221

You deserved it 2 193

Love is…

By Anonymous - 29/07/2012 04:25 - Denmark - Frederiksberg

Today, while getting ready to go to bed, I told my boyfriend that I feel depressed due to the lack of intimacy in our relationship. His response was to roll over, fall asleep, and send a deadly fart my way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 293

You deserved it 3 867

By Anon. - 07/02/2011 17:44 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend asked me to play dead so he could have sex with my "corpse." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 035

You deserved it 7 772

By tine - 16/11/2014 09:44 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my boyfriend broke the bed pretending to be a caterpillar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 587

You deserved it 3 772

By shopper242 - 22/11/2010 12:29 - France

Today, my boyfriend compared my orgasm to that of a beached sea turtle. He demonstrated what he meant in front of all our friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 902

You deserved it 4 096

The Great Pretender

By CJune24 - 22/10/2014 21:24 - United Kingdom - Huddersfield

Today, I tried to seduce my boyfriend so I mounted him and began kissing him. He immediately pretended to snore into my mouth and rolled over, making me fall off of the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 527

You deserved it 5 443

By anonymaiacciu - 22/12/2012 01:16 - France

Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 788

You deserved it 8 952

angelitared 27

Friday 7 February 2014 15:24

Well show him who's boss next time!!

dovahconn 12

Friday 7 February 2014 15:24

You kinda had that coming for you

Comments

Hypnotic5206 10

Saturday 15 February 2014 5:05

well that's mean lol an funny

Chaosshadowzero 15

Friday 21 February 2014 8:56

Gotta move around, no one likes a vegetable!

spookycat32 6

Sunday 23 February 2014 20:52

Dump him now!!!

Theglc20 27

Tuesday 25 February 2014 0:16

You never know :P He might be a *********** loving necrophiliac. Wait. That would be worse

JaimeTheGamer 3

Thursday 29 May 2014 9:31

Hahaha

sexaybitch 14

Sunday 15 June 2014 22:06

Respond by putting a dead animal in bed

pickpocket2018 11

Wednesday 24 August 2016 3:58

He probably meant dirty as ****

Keywords

Health Lonely Dentist Sadness Awkward Abuse Work Birthday Miscellaneous Parents Relatable OCD Mental health Cute Cleaning Love Housework Argument Kids Cats Animals Underwear Intimacy Bikes Camping Vacation Boredom Friends Music Annoying

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I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my parents only got pregnant with me because they were desperate for a bone marrow match for my brother, who ended up dying before I was born, and who I had no idea existed. What’s even more messed up is that they gave me his name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 71

The Top

Today, I went to Ikea with my family. I was wearing a yellow polo that vaguely looked like the ones the Ikea employees were wearing. Two dozen people came up to me, complaining that I was staring at furniture instead of helping customers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 173

You deserved it 12 475

Today, my cousin and I were out on the boardwalk. I walked to the railing next to a man and said, "Great view isn't it?" Then I found out that the man was blind and had a seeing eye dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 328

You deserved it 10 447

Today, my parents were having a Christmas party. They went out to get the vodka in our garage fridge, only to find most of it was frozen. Knowing vodka doesn't freeze, they soon realized that I had been taking some and refilling it with water over the past two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 238

You deserved it 53 804

Today, my mom decided that my hair was too long and that she was going to cut it. I now look like a male extra from Xanadu. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 256

You deserved it 1 836

Today, my dad stopped me mid-sentence and said he wanted to punch me in the face and set me on fire for using the word "selfie". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 112

You deserved it 42 996

Today, after informing my boss that I needed stress leave from my 70-hour-a-week shifts, I got my new work assignment. Sixty hours a week, starting at 2 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 542

You deserved it 4 048