Wanker and Intimacy: Burglary [gone sexual]

Burglary [gone sexual]

By Anonymous - 01/12/2010 05:11 - United States

Today, two guys broke into my apartment to rob me at gunpoint. While I was wanking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 244

You deserved it 11 843

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Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 20/10/2009 10:56 - Australia

Today, my house got robbed, while I was upstairs taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 214

You deserved it 6 126

By Starving Ultimatum - 02/09/2011 01:55 - United States

Today, I was robbed while recovering from a robbery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 936

You deserved it 3 126

By mike oxsmall - 16/06/2011 05:42 - United States

Today, I woke up to a burglar holding a gun. He yelled at me to get up so I did. He then paused and laughed. I was sleeping naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 043

You deserved it 6 552

By Mike - 25/04/2011 21:39

Today, my house was robbed while I sat helplessly on the toilet with violent diarrhoea. I could hear them laughing hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 738

You deserved it 6 391

By iliketoastalot - 09/08/2011 17:38 - United States

Today, my boyfriend got arrested. For robbing my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 628

You deserved it 5 905

By Anonymous - 19/10/2018 14:00

Today, I was in the middle of a wank when my home's back door, which is always locked, suddenly opened and someone walked in. I’m not sure who was more surprised: me or the new maintenance guy who saw me wanking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 327

You deserved it 639

By Anonymous - 28/04/2013 19:53 - Saudi Arabia

Today, I got caught masturbating, twice, by the same person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 261

You deserved it 75 702

By Anonymous - 11/05/2012 00:28 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I was heading back to my apartment and I heard noises behind the front door. Assuming it was the surprise party I'd hinted at, I flicked on the lights… as two heavy guys pushed past me. I was robbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 549

You deserved it 2 316

By alo1434 - 23/06/2011 08:54 - United States

Today, I got mugged. As the guys who took my purse were about to walk away, my cellphone rang in my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 594

You deserved it 3 316

By Anonymous - 26/06/2015 16:29 - United States - Woodland

Today, my house was robbed while I was at work. The robber left a note telling me my stuff was crappy and that they found my safe under the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 645

You deserved it 2 159

firemanrob 0

Wednesday 1 December 2010 12:04

haha you should of used your penis as a gun cocked it and shot **** in there face

x_Cupcakes 0

Wednesday 1 December 2010 12:03

Haha! Did they join you?

Comments

nerdy96birdy 8

Saturday 14 January 2012 17:06

This is hilarious haha omg

ballinkingpin10 2

Friday 20 January 2012 7:00

Did they let you finish?

LuckMyFive 4

Thursday 10 May 2012 13:05

Smart move. A man is at his weakest during his private time.

Snoopy0019 4

Wednesday 16 May 2012 6:41

ur a badass!!

yourwifelovesme 25

Wednesday 27 June 2012 4:19

That's a double FYL. You should've winked and offered to let them rob you of your virginity. That'll be the last time they try to rob someone!

LovelyBarbiee 2

Saturday 21 July 2012 6:23

Lmfaaaoo .. maybee youu shouuld get better locks huh ?

iamorange 2

Sunday 22 July 2012 1:32

Gang wank

jess183xp 1

Friday 3 August 2012 16:38

You should unleashed your load on em'

Ashlei69 4

Thursday 6 March 2014 3:46

9-1-1 cum.shots

cwl727 32

Wednesday 16 April 2014 20:05

Did they turn around and leave when they saw you?

Keywords

Miscellaneous Neighbours Cops Weird Health Scary Stressed out Parents Embarrassing Transportation Cars Work Love My ex LGBTQIA+ First Dates Facebook Social Media Virginity Intimacy Sex Painful School Tinder Awkward Dating Coworkers AITA Jealousy Anxiety

The Top

Today, I have accidentally encountered my parents having "sexy time" four times in the past week. I'm an adult. My parents are in their fifties. Their bedroom door doesn't fully shut, so I always get an unpleasant glimpse when I walk past, occasionally punctuated by my mom's pleasured moaning. Kill me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 609

Today, I've been sexting a mysterious guy from New Jersey. I was getting hot, so I decided to say, "I want you to be my first." Suddenly, my officemate who was two desks away from me waved her phone in hand and shouted, "You're a virgin?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 695

You deserved it 676

The Top

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she believes I "jinxed" her chances of getting the job she wanted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 748

You deserved it 139

Today, on the bus, a large smelly man was sat next to me, pushing me against the divider and sliding into me on every turn. When he got up for his stop, his pants had loosened and his bare ass was staring me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 891

You deserved it 3 408

Today, it's been two days since firefighters broke into my friend's home to get her out. She has health issues rendering her disabled and immobile. She was living amongst her own feces and urine, mould, rats eating her feet, etc. She told me about the filth three days ago, and now blames me for everything since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 620

You deserved it 124

Today, I learned my husband thinks that our 10-year relationship has been a "step above mediocre" since 8 years ago, when we got married, and his family melted down that our wedding didn't happen their way, and thus began their undermining of our relationship. He believes it's "no one's fault." Uh huh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 807

You deserved it 118

Today, tanning session on a heavenly beach in Bali. A local seller came to me and showed me the swimsuits that she was selling. She also add with a big smile: “I have big size for you!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 662

You deserved it 98

Today, I have to pack for tomorrow's family vacation. For one week I get to be stuck in a one bedroom cabin with my alcoholic father, bipolar mother, and two much younger siblings who have a passion for screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 622

You deserved it 4 357

Burglary [gone sexual]

Same thing different taste

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