Wanker and Intimacy: Burglary [gone sexual] - FML

Burglary [gone sexual]

By Anonymous - 01/12/2010 05:11 - United States

Spicy

Today, two guys broke into my apartment to rob me at gunpoint. While I was wanking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 244

You deserved it 11 843

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 20/10/2009 10:56 - Australia

Today, my house got robbed, while I was upstairs taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 214

You deserved it 6 126

By Starving Ultimatum - 02/09/2011 01:55 - United States

Today, I was robbed while recovering from a robbery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 936

You deserved it 3 126

By mike oxsmall - 16/06/2011 05:42 - United States

Today, I woke up to a burglar holding a gun. He yelled at me to get up so I did. He then paused and laughed. I was sleeping naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 044

You deserved it 6 552

By Mike - 25/04/2011 21:39

Today, my house was robbed while I sat helplessly on the toilet with violent diarrhoea. I could hear them laughing hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 739

You deserved it 6 391

By iliketoastalot - 09/08/2011 17:38 - United States

Today, my boyfriend got arrested. For robbing my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 628

You deserved it 5 905

By Anonymous - 19/10/2018 14:00

Today, I was in the middle of a wank when my home's back door, which is always locked, suddenly opened and someone walked in. I’m not sure who was more surprised: me or the new maintenance guy who saw me wanking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 327

You deserved it 639

By Anonymous - 28/04/2013 19:53 - Saudi Arabia

Spicy

Today, I got caught masturbating, twice, by the same person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 261

You deserved it 75 703

By Anonymous - 11/05/2012 00:28 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I was heading back to my apartment and I heard noises behind the front door. Assuming it was the surprise party I'd hinted at, I flicked on the lights… as two heavy guys pushed past me. I was robbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 550

You deserved it 2 316

By alo1434 - 23/06/2011 08:54 - United States

Today, I got mugged. As the guys who took my purse were about to walk away, my cellphone rang in my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 594

You deserved it 3 316

By Anonymous - 26/06/2015 16:29 - United States - Woodland

Today, my house was robbed while I was at work. The robber left a note telling me my stuff was crappy and that they found my safe under the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 646

You deserved it 2 159

Next

Top comments

firemanrob 0

Wednesday 1 December 2010 12:04

haha you should of used your penis as a gun cocked it and shot **** in there face

x_Cupcakes 0

Wednesday 1 December 2010 12:03

Haha! Did they join you?

Comments

Bob_Blaine 0

Wednesday 8 December 2010 21:52

This is by far the best FML I have ever read... ever...

tailormarie 0

Thursday 9 December 2010 2:41

That is really ******* funny.

Bcabalum17 2

Thursday 9 December 2010 3:07

that is one of my biggest fears lol

AceArctic 4

Thursday 9 December 2010 18:20

Obvious solution: **** in their eyes, punch them in the throats, and proceed to tea bag them and say "I used my fapping arm for that attack!"

killloneliness 0

Friday 10 December 2010 8:33

should of said "I will shoot YOU!"

ninjalope 0

Monday 13 December 2010 15:20

you idiot that's what you get for wanking

ninjalope 0

Monday 13 December 2010 15:22

can't wait to hear the police report or the news "robbers broke in to victims house on ****** street while said victim was jerkin his meat when theives broke in"

CovertMilitance 0

Saturday 25 December 2010 22:43

You aint from America. We dont say "wank"

johnnie254 7

Sunday 26 December 2010 16:50

did they steal your lotion?

Umdumb 0

Monday 27 December 2010 5:08

because of this.... I now know what the term 'wanking' means.... thankyou

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Keywords

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I agree, your life sucks 14 031

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I agree, your life sucks 29 527

You deserved it 4 080

Today, I guess my mom didn't clean her toilet before going on vacation. That’s probably why it’s not only dirty, but the dirt has started to grow mould. Spoiler: She's been back from her trip for a while now, the toilet still looks that way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 696

You deserved it 92