Intimacy and Health: Bad timing

Bad timing

By Anonymous - 26/04/2021 04:59

Today, at a bar, I bumped into the hot blonde teacher I had the hots for all through high school, and she actually tried to seduce me. I was only in the bar drowning my sorrows because I recently had my cancerous prostate removed and I can’t get erections any more. Life isn’t fair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 237

You deserved it 127

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Same thing different taste

The one that got away

By well that sucks - 23/03/2022 00:01

Today, I tried to reconnect with my high school sweetheart, or so I thought. When I called and told her who I was, she laughed and said, “Look dude, I was so depressed in high school, I fucked half the school as a form of self harm!” and hung up. I was so in love, and lost my virginity to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 908

You deserved it 369

By beccaj_ilh - 06/09/2009 15:04 - United Kingdom

Today, while I was working in a bar, a very fat drunk guy kept flirting with me. He assumed I liked him because I kept blushing. I didn’t. It’s just been so long since anyone flirted with me that I apparently now cannot control my reactions if a man talks to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 686

You deserved it 6 805

By Anonymous - 17/04/2009 06:29 - United States

Today, I was relaxing alone at a bar when I was approached by the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen. She was too good to be true, so I asked, "Is this some kind of a prank?" She immediately turned around and left. She thought I was calling her ugly. I'll never see her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 200

You deserved it 78 610

By hahatofunny - 13/09/2016 19:54 - United States - Pensacola

Today, while at the gym, I started flirting with a hot doctor. I thought things were going well so I suggested we work out together sometime and maybe work our way up to dinner together, to which she replied, "Sorry but I've seen tumors bigger than your biceps," and then walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 001

You deserved it 2 082

By flurina - 18/12/2009 20:44 - Canada

Today, a woman pushed me at the bar and told me how much she's always hated me. She was my grade five teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 422

You deserved it 3 660

By halien1982 - 03/01/2010 06:36 - United States

Today, I was sitting at the bar of a popular local restaurant. I sat there for a few hours and drank my sorrows away with the bartender. I thought she was pretty, and decided to give her a large tip. The tip sent me over my credit card limit, and the bartender is not single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 426

You deserved it 35 403

By awkward23 - 12/01/2010 10:26 - United States

Today, at a bar, a woman approched me and tried to set me up with her friend. Looking around, the only people in the bar were a man reading the paper and a very ugly woman, looking at me and smiling. I worriedly replied, "I'm sorry, but I'm gay." Turns out her friend was the one reading the paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 980

You deserved it 42 517

Cheers

By ineedanotherdrink - 07/08/2009 09:43 - United States

Today, I went out drinking with a friend I've been crushing on for a while now. After we'd been talking and had a few, she said, "Man, I haven't gotten laid in months! Do you mind?" Surprised but hopeful, I nodded. She leaned over, hugged me, and went to hit on a guy by the bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 820

You deserved it 5 522

Judgmental much?

By Steven - 03/09/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Llanelli

Today, at a supermarket, I ran into a girl I knew in high school. She had two kids with her and they were buying school supplies. My cart was full of beer and snacks. After a chat, she left, not before saying, "I hope things get better for you." I have a job and a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 638

You deserved it 252

By Anonymous - 12/10/2010 23:51 - United States

Today, I started college after a night out. I'd got tipsy at the club and started dancing with a cute guy. He asked for my number. I didn't want to give it to him, so I gave him a rejection number. Guess who's the new professor for my bio class? And yes, he recognized me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 673

You deserved it 37 627

MidnaLink 33

Monday 26 April 2021 5:06

That one YDI BETTER be for sympathy.

Marcella1016 31

Monday 26 April 2021 8:28

Stolen? The prostate, his erections, or his heart?

Comments

MidnaLink 33

Monday 26 April 2021 5:06

That one YDI BETTER be for sympathy.

jc1015 25

Monday 26 April 2021 8:18

I agree...but I also have to ask what the hell are you going to do about it if it's not? keyboard warrior them to death?

Annette Oinenen 3

Monday 26 April 2021 5:43

If they'd reported it stolen a copy of the police report should have gotten it back for free

Marcella1016 31

Monday 26 April 2021 8:28

Stolen? The prostate, his erections, or his heart?

bleachedraven 14

Monday 26 April 2021 17:03

I was wondering that 🤣

prince21 3

Monday 26 April 2021 20:11

damn. sucks let me try.

Yudith 24

Tuesday 27 April 2021 0:06

And once you get your penis pump and you can have erections again, the hot blonde teacher will have a boyfriend.

Adriano G. V. Esposito 2

Tuesday 27 April 2021 0:21

There are many manners to keep erection after this kind of operations, ask for your medical doctor

1known 30

Tuesday 27 April 2021 0:28

Use your imagination. You don’t need an erection to have a good time with her, or someone else!

Keywords

Health Relatable Public freakouts Music Scams Geek Poopoo peepee Awkward Jewelry Bikes Transportation Cops Family Kids Fight Miscellaneous AITA Mother in law Love Relationship advice Social Media Art Work Students Animals Birds Sleep Noise Mental health Contraception

The Top

Today, and every time I try to talk to my mother about being a lesbian, she just says in the most condescending way, "Oh no you're not sweetie, it’s just a phase." The "phase" has lasted 17 years, including marrying my wife and adopting twin sons, but sure, it’s “just a phase.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 731

You deserved it 229

Today, I met my boyfriend in Hong Kong after being apart for almost 6 months. We got to our room and got right down to business. I was just about to come when a voice came over the PA system in the room. "This is just a fire alarm test, sorry for any inconvenience." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 129

You deserved it 5 932

The Top

Today, the man I love still thinks that female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 281

You deserved it 6 287

Today, my best friend resolved things with her boyfriend after he had admitted to cheating on her. I felt really guilty, because I drunkenly hooked up with her boyfriend last month. She said, "I felt better when he told me that the girl was extremely ugly and bad in bed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 964

You deserved it 112 551

Today, I made eye-contact with a cute guy in a store. Too bad he saw me buying anti-diarrhea medicine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 771

You deserved it 210

Today, I found out my doctor misdiagnosed my kidney stones as constipation. Now, I'm shitting like crazy from the laxatives that he gave me, and I also have to pass a kidney stone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 879

You deserved it 1 310

Today, I was watching last week's episode of The Walking Dead with my girlfriend. When the gang leader explained the rules of the group to Daryl, I reached over, grabbed my girlfriend's boobs and yelled, "Claimed!" She shot back, "Yeah, they are. But not by you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 597

You deserved it 19 748

Today, my mom told me that, even though my brother sells drugs, he's still her favorite child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 076

You deserved it 2 990