Animals

By GettingACat - 20/11/2018 03:00

Today, I found a mouse nest. In my glovebox. Made out of the $450 in rent money I was going to give my roommate that I had stored in there earlier for safe keeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 628

You deserved it 790

WTF?

By Anonymous - 13/11/2018 05:00

Today, I was denied an animal adoption because I said "babies" instead of "kittens". Apparently that means I'm not serious about pet ownership. What?! FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 084

You deserved it 415

By catbum - 10/11/2016 03:54 - Canada - Regina

Today, I accidentally shoved my finger up my cat's butt while trying to push him off my nightstand in the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 626

You deserved it 1 505

By I Like My Cat - 21/12/2012 10:02 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, I found out that the tinsel on my Christmas tree is worth a couple of hundred euros per strand. Well, that's how much the two that were surgically removed from my cat have cost me. At least the cat's going to be fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 033

You deserved it 13 342

By Anonymous - 27/11/2009 04:26 - United States

Spicy

Today, I wanted to take a nice hot relaxing bath. A wasp somehow got in, and stung me on the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 465

You deserved it 4 850

By Anonymous - 24/04/2011 08:42 - United States

Today, my dog decided to chase a smaller dog for three blocks. When I finally caught up with him, he laid down and refused to go anywhere. I had to carry my 80 pounds Labrador like a baby all the way home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 309

You deserved it 7 470

Like and subscribe!

By Anonymous - 11/07/2026 09:00 - Canada

Today, after I bought a giant bag of birdseed yesterday because birds kept visiting my balcony, I woke up to dozens of pigeons waiting outside my door like I'd accidentally started a subscription service. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 394

By foops - 02/02/2014 21:50 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my dogs freaked out and started getting violent because they thought the sound of my vibrator was the other's growling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 935

You deserved it 11 628

How's it going?

By initforthewrongreasons - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I texted my exes, not because I missed them, but because I wanted to know how their pets were doing. This holds true for at least four relationships. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 843

You deserved it 1 516

Get back here!

By catgirl911 - 13/10/2009 01:44 - United States

Today, I woke up to see my cat crawling out my window onto the roof. Afraid he was going to jump to the ground, I crawled out my window as well. I caught him. The neighbors caught me in my underwear and bra yelling at my cat on the roof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 199

You deserved it 25 178

Feral

By Rosie - 16/10/2018 12:00

Today, I discovered that you can vomit hard enough to break a rib and tear a ligament. Why was I barfing so violently? The stray cat I'm feeding has given me worms. I found one during "down there cleanup" time. I got laughed at by EMS, nurses, doctors, and my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 634

You deserved it 554

And probably giggling

By Anonymous - 10/08/2020 05:02

Today, I realized our cat has a sixth sense for when he wants to be seen. When we don't care where the cat is, he's within plain sight. When we lose track of him and are in a panic worrying if he got out, he's hiding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 100

You deserved it 354

By deadfish - 03/10/2009 16:28 - United States

Today, my 9 year-old little sister is coming back to town with the rest of my family. She specifically asked me to feed her fish. I totally forgot until she called me 10 minutes ago to tell me she was on her way home and couldn't wait to see her fishie. He's dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 363

You deserved it 61 718

By boopingsnoot - 08/08/2018 18:54

Today, I was entertaining my 12-year-old cousin in the yard when two of my cats chased down and killed a baby bunny right in front of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 877

You deserved it 567

boopingsnoot tells us more.

boopingsnoot 24

Saturday 4 August 2018 18:34

So, the second half of the story: Cousin got the bunny away from the cats before it was completely dead, and when I couldn’t fix her “new pet” she wanted to sit and watch it die. And take it to another relative’s house and bury it in *their* yard. Took a while to convince her to leave it in a “safe place” (bushes where my cats like to hang out, so they could finish the job). Hey, saves me money on cat food.

By Radgirl - 28/04/2009 02:10 - United States

Today, while on a run off campus with my german shepherd, I tried to impress a couple of hot fraternity guys playing football outside of their house. I broke out into a full sprint. I then got tangled in my dog's leash and fell straight in to a parked jeep knocking myself unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 376

You deserved it 58 546

Here, take these

By Gvinson36 - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, as they were being dropped off, I was informed that I'll be taking care of my grandparents' two cats. My apartment complex doesn't allow pets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 917

You deserved it 333

By dylerbiller - 10/01/2015 07:00 - United States

Today, three weeks after my sister took in a wounded porcupine from our backyard and let it roam about the house, I learned that it sheds quills from time to time. How did I learn this? By stepping on three of said quills hidden in the carpet. I still have only managed to pull one out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 642

You deserved it 2 759

dylerbiller tells us more.

dylerbiller 18

Monday 12 January 2015 9:05

Hi everyone. OP here. Hopefully I can clear things up for some people. The reason we didn't take "porky" to the animal shelter right away was because the closest one was a three hour drive away. He is there now safe and sound and I went to the doctors and got the other two quills removed. I actually posted this FML while in the Urgent Care waiting room for those of you who were wondering why I would go on here right after all this happening. Well, that's about it. My foot is a bit sore and I have vacuumed the floor 7 times just to be safe. But I'm alright. Thanks for all the support!

By Noname - 10/03/2009 15:53 - United States

Today, I stretched out my wedding dress on my bed so it could air out before the big day tomorrow. Later I returned to my room only to find my cat on my wedding dress, it peed on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 322

You deserved it 20 343

My new friend

By *sneeze* - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, it's my wife's birthday. Since I had work, I gave her $200 to spend on herself and left. When I came back with dinner and the movie she wanted, I found her with a dog. She is very attached to him because the shelter was going to put him down. I love him, but I'm allergic to dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 535

You deserved it 604

By dasbooot - 30/04/2009 04:53 - United States

Today, I finally got my cast taken off my leg after a long month of crutches. I was so excited, until four dead spiders fell out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 767

You deserved it 4 594

Touching story

By Kahlilah Kilgore - 20/10/2019 16:00

Today, I was half asleep when my cat came over to cuddle. I was petting her in the dark when I felt what I thought was a patch of matted fur under her neck, as if she had been injured and bleeding. Alarmed, I felt for that spot again and found myself holding her tail. What I'd felt was in fact my cat's anus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 401

You deserved it 618

Where to start?

By doggone - 24/03/2023 22:00 - United States

Today a big-ass hawk swooped down and carried off my daughter’s dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 161

You deserved it 137

Say sorry to Mr Whiskers!

By Anonymous - 10/05/2021 14:01

Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 950

You deserved it 340

The road to hell is paved with good intentions

By Anonymous - 24/04/2022 04:00

Today, our dog died suddenly, so I paid for tests to find out why. Turns out she had zero blood sugar, like a diabetic who overdosed on insulin. I’m diabetic and I’m always telling my 6 year-old son it’s medicine to make daddy better. The dog was sick yesterday, and my son knows how I inject. Damn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 221

You deserved it 274

Stuck

By Anonymous - 10/12/2009 11:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I found myself locked out of my house. I had to squeeze myself through a tiny window around the back. While hanging upside down, my hood fell over my head. My dog ran through to investigate the noise and ravaged me thinking I was a burglar. I then fell and broke my wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 376

You deserved it 5 262

And I love her

By Anonymous - 22/09/2025 22:00

Today, I wondered who ever came up with the idea that women are elegant and refined. Mine farts like a horse, belches like a bullfrog, eats like a pig, and she's proud of it. Like something out of Shrek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147

You deserved it 485

Nom nom nom

By Fern - 06/01/2025 00:00 - Germany

Today, I used a new body wash that smells like vanilla cookies. My dog spent the entire day chasing me around and trying to lick my arms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 380

You deserved it 169

By the un-loved child - 28/07/2013 22:34 - United States - Salida

Today, my mom confessed to loving my "little sister" more than she loves me. My "little sister" is the family dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 720

You deserved it 3 981

SATAN!

By Anonymous - 08/12/2021 02:01

Today, my nana tried to drown my pet rat because it's white with red eyes, and red eyes mean it’s Satan in disguise, and yet my mom still refuses to admit she needs to be in a nursing home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 074

You deserved it 128

By KHAAAAA-RMA!! - 10/05/2014 21:32 - United States

Today, I found a bird that had fallen from its nest, so I made a new nest for it in a shoebox and put it as close to the old one as possible. When I checked back on it later, all I found was a chewed-up corpse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 856

You deserved it 6 193

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Today, my boyfriend and I respectfully asked my landlady if he could stay with me until he gets back on his feet. He was robbed at gunpoint in his house last night. Landlady then yelled because we aren't married, and then showed up at my door at 10pm, "just making sure John isn't here". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 439

You deserved it 1 901

Today, I went to a restaurant and sat at the last available table, which had a seat available across from me. A cute girl approached and asked if she could sit down, so I said "Sure" and made some room. She then asked "You're leaving, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 386

You deserved it 3 646

Today, my sister lost a leg. Immediately after hearing the news, my boyfriend started cracking jokes about getting her a job at IHOP. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 974

You deserved it 6 322

Today, I realized that I'm at the age that whenever I mention a friend of the opposite gender, my family's first response is asking whether that friend is single. I've already accepted no one will want a pathetic freak like me, so their poking around what few friends I have makes it awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 187

Today, our landlord came over to chop down our cherished apple tree. While doing so, he ate one of the apples, concurring that they really did taste excellent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 294

You deserved it 133

Today, I was set to meet my friends at a new, trendy café. I arrived early, eager to impress, but ended up walking into the wrong café and got stuck for an hour engaged in a disturbing conversation about serial killers with a total stranger who'd deludedly mistaken me for a long-lost friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 375

You deserved it 307