Animals

By Anonymous - 09/08/2018 20:30

Today, I couldn't sleep. I had to pee really badly but I'm terrified of the dark, so I closed my eyes all the way to the bathroom. On the way, I tripped over my dog and fell face-first into the door frame. He then humped me as my nose bled all over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 699

You deserved it 3 401

By Anonymous - 20/03/2012 11:57 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, instead of waking up to soft sunlight creeping in the window or the gentle trill of birds, I was awakened by the sound of my dog vomiting all over my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 643

You deserved it 2 852

By Anonymous - 17/07/2011 20:44 - United States

Today, I was riding my bike and swerved to avoid hitting a lizard. I ended up sliding into a bush and skinning myself, only to find my tires had still managed to cut the lizard to pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 660

You deserved it 8 878

By serveandprotectyeahright - 20/11/2010 14:00 - United States

Today, a cop almost rear-ended my car, slammed on the gas with no warning, swerved around me, flipped me the bird, then cut me off and then drove a full ten miles under the speed limit. When I changed lanes to overtake him, he pulled me over for road rage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 314

You deserved it 4 591

Bambi 2: Electric Boogaloo

By Anonymous - 16/11/2020 02:03

Today, I came downstairs to find that our dog's six puppies, who have their own puppy-door to go outside whenever they want, had peed and pooped all over the floor, walked through the pee, and were now happily chewing on a half-rotten deer's head which they had dragged inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 981

You deserved it 339

Hot hot hot

By Oops - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I turned on my ceiling fan for the first time in months. I then watched as hundreds of furry spiders were flung across the room at high speed, in a circular pattern. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 955

You deserved it 2 021

By inpain - 02/12/2011 05:14 - United States

Today, I learned that my hairdo must look like a rat. I found out when a hawk swooped down and dug its claws into my head while I was sunbathing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 973

You deserved it 6 211

Nature calls

By Anonymous - 29/11/2023 00:00

Today, I got to my log cabin after an hour's hiking. I lit the fire because it was freezing and my stupid dog sniffed the fire, looked me in the eye, then jumped right into the fire and knocked the logs everywhere. My cabin is now ashes and I had an hour's hike back to my car with my stupid dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 595

You deserved it 200

By a man - 10/04/2011 19:32 - United States

Today, my dog decided to fly through the front door like Superman. All 180lbs of her promptly slammed sideways into the wall, putting a dog-sized hole in the plaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 103

You deserved it 3 896

WOOF WOOF

By Anonymous - 06/03/2022 18:00 - Germany

Today, our deaf old dog not only barks for no reason while lying comfortably on her dog bed, lacking for nothing, she now also barks in her sleep. And not those dreamy little yips either; full barks, loud enough to be heard in the next room. Which is where I sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 159

By bored2death - 23/07/2010 22:15 - United States

Today, I realized that the only one willing to hang out with me this summer is my guinea pig. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 272

You deserved it 6 223

By ScaryOldMan - 07/10/2009 07:57 - United States

Today, while trying to sleep, I kept hearing this groan/scream for help for about an hour. I decided to call 911 to send someone to investigate. Police came, I received a $100 parking fine and another citation for improper use of 911. The noise? Just a dog howling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 649

You deserved it 13 275

Impressive

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 765

You deserved it 19 570

Sounds wonderful

By Loner - 05/12/2021 14:00

Today, I spent the thirty second consecutive day in a row seeing no one but my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 831

You deserved it 257

By My_Cow_kiM - 28/04/2009 23:05 - United States

Today, I told my mom I'm severely allergic to my cat and that the doctor told me it would be best to get rid of the cat. Somewhat jokingly, I told her it was either me or the cat. She chose the cat. She was serious too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 475

You deserved it 5 622

By dogh8er - 18/12/2011 19:31 - United States

Today, after spending hours wrapping the presents for Christmas, I came back into the room to find that my dog had lost his toy, knocked over all the presents, and was frantically ripping at everything to find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 159

You deserved it 3 564

By spiderwoman - 04/11/2012 17:12 - Iceland - Reykjav

Today, while walking home, I really had to pee, so I decided to do my business in some high grass just off the street. When I got home, I felt an itch between my butt cheeks. I went to the bathroom to check it out, and a dead, apparently crushed spider fell out of my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 746

You deserved it 13 586

By scratchpost - 28/10/2010 12:07 - United States

Today, my cat woke me up by sharpening his claws on my breast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 944

You deserved it 4 630

Oh dear…

By Wet Britches - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Portland

Today, on my rush to get home from work to use the bathroom, I hit a deer. It startled me so badly that I wet myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 056

You deserved it 1 748

By mac - 27/01/2014 14:40 - Australia - Bankstown

Today, my roommate showed me a video of a cockroach crawling all over my face while I was asleep in the lounge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 448

You deserved it 4 380

Heftychonk

By Backinzi - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my 17 pound cat fell from a counter. It wouldn't have been a big deal if he didn't try to use my leg as a tree to cling onto on the way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 521

You deserved it 5 086

Higher learning

By jaybob18 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I finally used the statistics book that I forked out $120 to buy. To kill an ant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 755

You deserved it 11 451

By injuredwifelady - 23/02/2016 08:23 - United States - Omaha

Today, I was sleeping peacefully with my cat sweetly snuggling my legs under the covers. My husband dutch-ovened her, and she shredded my calves as she rushed to escape. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 872

You deserved it 2 008

By orely44 - 08/03/2013 14:13 - France - Rez

Today, after about fifteen minutes of my cat bullying me into letting him get onto my lap, I finally caved. He clambered on, turned around, farted in my direction, and got off as fast as he got on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 679

You deserved it 9 618

Reflex

By romea244 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was working on my new house and I was taking out a large cactus. While picking up the pieces to throw away, I noticed a spider on my forearm. Without thinking, I swiped at the spider with a piece of the cactus. I missed the spider, not my forearm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 814

You deserved it 27 351

Grudge

By jackskellington - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Australia - Bankstown

Today, I found out my dad ate my rabbit when I was 6 years-old. He'd told me it ran away. I can't be mad at my dad, he's been dead for 5 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 416

You deserved it 2 955

By katshay8 - 12/10/2018 17:30

Today, I went to the doctor for allergy testing. Apparently, one of my worst allergies is cats. I'm a "crazy cat lady" who loves anything cat-related and has 3 cats. Allergy shots, here I come. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 433

You deserved it 538

By nattnatt73 - 10/09/2016 07:07 - United States - Marion

Today, my dog brought me his squeaky toy to throw for him. I went to throw it down the hallway but it hit the door and bounced about a foot in front of him. He just stared at me for a minute like I was dumb, then took it to my boyfriend to throw. I disappoint even my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 873

You deserved it 1 903

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Keywords

Family Money Miscellaneous Birthday Kids Animals Cats Kittens Cute Dogs Parenting Embarrassing Love Crush Work Painful Sports Awkward Vacation Babysitter Parents AITA Friends Holidays Annoying My ex School Gross NSFW Porn

The Top

Today, my boss expected me to corroborate her lie to a customer. She changed her story suddenly and I got caught up in the crosshairs. Then she got mad at me for not understanding what just happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 885

You deserved it 2 269

Today, I got approached by a lady while eating at a fast-food restaurant who asked if I could spare five dollars. Confidently, I pulled out my wallet to show her that I had no cash, only to reveal a perfectly crisp five dollar bill that I had completely forgotten about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 175

You deserved it 17 848

Today, my boyfriend learned how to somersault. He now thinks that he's a ninja and somersaults into every room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 863

You deserved it 4 823

Today, I found out that the phone number I switched to used to host an amateur phone sex hotline. I found this out after getting several calls by teenagers, who sounded as if they were masturbating, even as I yelled that they had the wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 603

You deserved it 2 044

Today, I found out that I can get my girlfriend to make more sex noises by massaging her back than I can by actually having sex with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 958

You deserved it 7 493

Today, I turned in an essay after staying up late to work on it. I was away when the teacher assigned it, so I'd asked my friend what the subject was. It transpires that she'd given me the wrong one, all because she was mad at me for not returning her pencil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 534

You deserved it 7 562