Today, I opened my car door on reaching destination and my dog escaped. I never found him. My destination was the vet's office to get him micro-chipped. FML
Today, I was cleaning my room when I found a nice surprise from my cat. While I was on vacation, she killed a mouse. By the time I found it, there were maggots crawling in my carpet. FML
Today, as I was getting dressed for my big date, my cat pooped on my only shoes. FML
Today, I was woken up by the sound of my electric piano. It seems my cat is Mozart's reincarnation and, after finding out how to turn the piano on, decided that 3 a.m. is a good time to practice. FML
Imjast tells us more.
Imjast 1
OP here, I wasn't logged in when I submitted this story, I hope the website will recognize my IP or something ! English isn't my native language, so I apologize in advance for the mistakes. I thought it had been rejected and was really surprised to read it in the FML list today ! 2017 is definitely starting well for me. My cat is a little devil, always has been, and probably always will be. Like #1, I'm used to having miaowing concertos all day and all night (I blame the siamese blood). And #10, yes she's incredibely smart (a bit too much), but it doesn't keep her from pooping on my bed/couch/carpet when she's annoyed at me, so maybe your cat is some kind of misunderstood genius as well ! Now, to all of you telling me to unplug it, here is the long version of the story : This story actually happened a while ago. I bought the piano around 2 years ago, never really got the chance to play it, and then lost the charger (?) so I couldn't play anymore. I only tried it once before loosing it, and the cat was fascinated, which is surprising because she usually hates music (she used to attack me, and not for playing, when I practiced my singing, and I had to give up on ever being able to play the whistle, harmonica or any kind of wind instrument because either she would miaow to death or run like hell to hide in the closet, and then revenge by pooping/peeing on something). Last november, I bought another charger, and as soon as I tried it, the cat went crazy, and spent the rest of the day sitting in front of the piano or climbing on it, waiting for it to make a sound. I didn't unplug it because basically the outlet is behind a bookshelf, so I have to crawl under the piano, manage to get my arm behind the shelf in the right angle to be able to push as hard as I can to get the darn thing in. So let's just say I won't do it everyday. Plus I knew she was smart, but I didn't think she'd be that smart ! So in the middle of the night (luckily I was having insomnias), I just heard the sound of the piano, and when I turned on the light saw the little furry monster jumping on it ! When she noticed me looking at her, she just miaowed happily and kept on jumping. I was laughing so much that I forgot to yell at her. After that, I just put my home phone to cover the button, so she wouldn't start again. But last week I must have pushed the phone a bit because she did it again (during the day this time), which gave me the idea for the FML :)
Today, a friend temporarily staying at my house with his cats scared one of them into my basement, where the cat then climbed up within the walls to somewhere on the second floor. He then left as he was on a deadline to get to TN by a specific time. He told me I could keep his cat, who is stuck somewhere in a wall. FML
Today, I found out why my girlfriend has been angry with me ever since I moved in with her. Apparently, she is pissed that I taught her cat how to play fetch and keep treating him like a dog. FML
Today, I took my cat to the vet. As the vet reached to examine him, he hissed, then clawed me instead, and then ran straight into a wall. Now we’re both sitting at the vet's, scowling and injured. FML
Today, I reached down to pet an elderly man's dog. It jumped up and utterly mauled my face, drawing blood. As I gasped in shock and pain, the man said, "Careful, he likes to scratch." FML
Today, I ran over a chipmunk. On my bike. Its mangled carcass got caught in the spokes and decided to join me on my ride. FML
Today, I realized my mom tells our dogs she loves them more than she says it to me. FML
Today, I found out that when you try to pick up my cat, its response is to let out the most stinky fart it can. FML
Today, my daughter's hamster pulled the water bottle off the glass, so I decided to super-glue the bottle back on. We came back an hour later to see if it had stuck, only to find both the bottle and rodent glued to the glass. FML
Today, our dog is a racist. No other way to say it. We’ve had her since she was born, raised her just like our other dogs, but every time we try to take her for a walk, if she spots a black person, any black person, she barks at them, and once almost bit someone. We don’t know what to do. FML
Today, my grandma seemingly decided that it was a really nice day to put my cat in the dryer. FML
Today, I visited my grandparents at their farm. When I went to pee in the outhouse, I noticed a round thing in the middle of the hole, so I peed on it. It was a beehive. FML
Today, I made myself a snack. I took a seemingly clean plate from the sink which had been used earlier for scrambled eggs. Only after I'd made the snack did I remember I let my dog lick the plate clean. FML
Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark obnoxiously. He does this all the time so I ignored it and kept going. This went on for about a half hour. When I went downstairs, I found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML
Today, I woke up to my cat licking my face. Cute, right? Turns out, she was licking the crumbs off my cheek from last night's pizza party. FML
Today, my mom’s rescue dog snarled at me in an especially nasty way when I passed his bed. Turns out he stole mom’s purse, opened the zipper, and was now lying in a cozy nest of paper money. He was not at all amused by us trying to steal his treasure back. FML
Today, I was sleeping peacefully with my cat sweetly snuggling my legs under the covers. My husband dutch-ovened her, and she shredded my calves as she rushed to escape. FML
Today, I bought a new Siamese Fighting Fish. I was so happy with my new fish so I bought him an expensive lovely bowl, some weeds, and a toy for the bowl. I left the room to get the fish food. When I returned, the fish was gone, and the cat was sitting on the table. FML
Today, my cat died while walking around the kitchen. He had a heart attack when the toaster popped out two slices of bread. FML
Today, I caught my 10 year-old in the closet, naked, on his hands and knees, eating cat food straight from the bag. He'd torn a hole in the side of the bag, cat food was everywhere. We have plenty of food in the house, but he wants to be a cat. FML
Today, my dog decided to fly through the front door like Superman. All 180lbs of her promptly slammed sideways into the wall, putting a dog-sized hole in the plaster. FML
Today, I'm moving to the barn. Two weeks ago I bought my girlfriend the birthday gift she most wanted: two ducklings. They’re scatting everywhere but she eats, cuddles, and sleeps with them in our bed. I asked if they could go live outside and she said, "No, you can." FML
Today, I got tired of my cat trying to open the bag that contains his food when he literally has food in his bowl, so I put the bag on a high shelf he can't reach. Since then, he's been giving me all sorts of dirty looks whenever we're in the same room, to try and make me feel bad. FML
Today, I found out my son told his teachers that I make his brother Tom sleep on the floor, make him stay out of the house for long periods of time, and don't let him use the toilet. Tom is actually our cat. FML
Today, I had to wash my cat. Twice. The first time was because he decided to roll over in the litter tray after using it. The second was the result of him pissing on the floor, then rolling in it right after I'd dried him from the first time. FML
Today, my mom is convinced that my cat is the reincarnation of Vincent van Gogh. Why? He sleeps under my sunflowers and is a ginger tabby cat. FML
Today, I woke up to my dog laying on the pillow next to me. When he saw that I was awake, he wagged his tail happily and then promptly sneezed in my face. FML
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