Today, while in deep sleep, I was suddenly awoken by a tickle on my face and nearly threw my cat off the bed. Apparently, 4 a.m. Is the perfect time to touch noses with your human. FML
Today, someone has been knocking at my back door all day then running away, driving me mad. Turns out, next door has a new dog and the knocking was actually the dog wagging its tail hard against their back door. This means it won’t ever stop, it’s going to keep banging that damn tail forever. FML
Today, I woke up at 6 a.m. and went into the kitchen, where I saw a mouse in front of the fridge. Petrified, I stood in the doorway shooing it for a few minutes. My husband then walked into the kitchen, picked up the "mouse", and threw it in the bin. It was a used tea bag. FML
Today, after 10 beers and a 1/3 of a bottle of Jack, I felt an undeniable urge to go rabbit hunting with lawn darts. FML
Today, at work, a crazy customer forced me to promise to take a holiday greeting picture of my cat and myself for her. She says she'll be back and expects one. FML
Today, my vet prescribed Xanax for my very anxious dog, because he keeps me awake all night whining and pacing. He slept soundly for about an hour, then woke up, threw up all over my carpet, and went right back to whining and pacing. FML
Grimmerie tells us more.
Grimmerie 31
Hey everyone! Here's a bit more explanation. Brodie, my little guy, is 13 years old. He's always been anxious but as he gets older it's gotten worse. His body is in great condition but his mind is definitely starting to go. I take him out in the evenings for a long walk to let him get his exercise and also to let him check on his favourite spots in the neighbourhood. In addition to the xanax, he's on an anti-nauseant. I also restrict food about two hours before bedtime, and water half an hour before. He fixates on drinking and can make himself sick that way. Restricting prevents some issues. He lives with my mom, and I usually dont live here, but I'm between apartments and taking care of Brodie while mom is in Australia. Her being away is definitely amping his anxiety. My solution right now is to sleep in my bed until 6 am, when he gets anxious, and then we both go downstairs and I sleep another couple hours on the couch while he naps near the door. It's uncomfortable but that way he settles, and considering he's this old I don't mind indulging him. I'm taking him back to the vet today to talk about more treatment options or adjusting his dose. Sorry for the novel, and thanks everyone for the suggestions!
Today, I returned home from college for the first time in a month. I went to my bedroom and found a nice gift bag on my dresser. Thinking it was a Valentine's gift, I opened it. My dog's ashes were in a tin inside. This is how I found out my dog died since I was away. FML
Today, I thought it would be to a good idea to introduce my indoor cat to my dog. The pee stains, multiple scratches, and puncture wounds to my face prove otherwise. FML
Today, as always, I'd be so incredibly happy if my girlfriend loved me even half as much as she loves her cat. FML
Today, I witnessed my psycho neighbor put her cat in a cage, cross into my backyard, and set the cage down before returning to her house. She then called the cops and claimed I'd stolen her cat. The cops didn't believe my side of the story for a second. FML
Today, I tried to wax my own Brazilian. My housemate’s cat rolled onto a half-used wax strip on the floor. The poor cat now has a small, less-fluffy patch, and I still haven’t figured out how to wax myself. FML
Today, my dog died. I spent ages digging him a grave and buried him in the garden so that my dad wouldn't have to deal with the stress when he got home from work. When my dad got home he told me that he had wanted the dog to be cremated. I have just had to dig up my dog's body. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I spent 30 minutes listening to my grandmother telling us that my cat is a medium. My boyfriend is totally convinced. FML
Today, my best friend got jealous that his dog likes me more. He told me I have to spank it whenever it cuddles with me so it will love him more. FML
Today, my new dog unburied my old dog and chewed on his bones. FML
Today, I got back from a two-week holiday only to discover my dog missing. After looking for him at animal shelters and putting up missing pet signs, my roommate admitted he lost him in a game of drunk poker. FML
Today, my daughter's guinea pig got stuck behind the wardrobe, squeaking its head off. I tried pulling the wardrobe towards me to free him, but couldn't take the weight of it all, so it fell over, smashing the TV. The guinea pig is fine. FML
Today, I was so bored that I filmed my goldfish while it was eating. FML
Today, my dog was licking the dishes in the dishwasher when his collar got stuck on it. Then he got scared of the dishwasher rack following him and ran away really fast. Now I have no dishes. FML
lala8940 tells us more.
lala8940 0
To clear everything up: - they were dirty dishes going into the wash so it didn't really matter - I still have some dishes, but half of them are gone
Today, I was driving down a dark country road with the windows down. Suddenly, a giant barn owl flew through my side-window and smacked into my head, causing me to drive into a ditch. FML
Today, I bought my cat a fun toy at the one of a kind craft show. It has catnip in it, which he loves. He flipped out, so I took it away. He won't stop trying to break into the cupboard I put it in. My cat has a drug problem. FML
Today, I took my dogs to the park and sat in the grass while they played. Within the first half hour two male dogs peed on my back. The first owner apologized and gave me a wipe to clean up while the second one had the nerve to tell me "this is why I bring a chair" FML
Today, my mom came home drunk and yelled at me for 20 minutes for not feeding the cat. We don't have a cat. FML
Today, while laying on the couch my cat came and laid on me. Turns out my ass is big enough for my 13 year old cat to walk around in circles, wash itself, stretch and sleep. FML
Today, my cat got out. I was chasing him in the field behind my backyard, barefoot while wearing PJs, yelling my head off like a raving lunatic. The field soil was sludge, and my feet sunk right in with every step. After I got him, I heard a snap of a soda can. My neighbours were there the whole time, watching. FML
Today, a client walked into my store with a duck in her hands. I had to explain to her that she couldn't bring the bird shopping with her. We got a 1-star review. FML
Today, I was going to set up my air conditioner in the window. As I opened up the window, I must have disturbed a wasp nest, because a dozen wasps flew in and several of them stung me. The rest are now somewhere in my house with my terrified girlfriend. FML
Today, I had to explain to another person that my cat is not morbidly obese, he just looks really fat when he lays down. FML
Today, as an amateur magician, I tried a new trick at my nephew’s birthday party. The trick involved pulling a fake rabbit out of a hat. I didn't realize my nephew had put his real pet rabbit in the hat as a prank. The poor rabbit jumped out, scaring the kids, and causing chaos. FML
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