Animals

Op here I happen to take regular showers and I have a boyfriend I've been with for 5 years so just because I may be a crazy cat lady does not mean I am single or smelly have a good day sir :)

By newlyneurotic - 03/09/2017 16:00 - United States - Spokane

Today, I finally got the hearing aids that I've needed for years. My dog quickly learned that if he quietly sneaks up behind me and barks, it'll scare the hell out of me. It's now his favorite game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 108

You deserved it 364

Bad doggy

By life_suxxx - 17/12/2009 06:09 - United States

Today, I came home to find that my dog had taken a dump on my bed. I quickly put on my house shoes to avoid possibly stepping on any other of his turds. I felt something squish all over my right foot. He'd also taken a dump in my house shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 587

You deserved it 4 911

By Anonymous - 28/12/2010 08:13 - United States

Today, I was walking dogs for the animal hospital I work for. I accidentally dropped the leash, and in my haste to retrieve it, I frantically grabbed the ground. I got the leash, and a handful of fresh dog poo emitted from the dog I was walking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 689

You deserved it 5 488

Windy day

By Tree - 21/03/2023 06:00 - United States

Today, my dog was about to get hit by a tree branch, so I yelled for him to move. He got mad and started barking at me. And got nailed by the tree branch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 641

You deserved it 142

By Ew. - 09/04/2012 15:22 - United Kingdom

Today, after being filled with joy after seeing my very elderly cat finally enjoying the sun in my garden, I skipped over to give her a hug. Turns out she was taking a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 917

You deserved it 9 249

Bad doggo

By Anonymous - 09/02/2017 22:00 - United States - Lewistown

Today, I'm sick of watching my friend's dog while she is on vacation. In four days, the dog has shredded my mattress, peed on my couches, chewed my kitchen chairs, and attacked my dog while she slept. My friend won't answer her phone, but she does update Facebook non-stop. Ten days to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 181

You deserved it 714

I want a dog

By Haze - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, my parents finally fulfilled my childhood dream and got a puppy, after years of me nagging at them. The only downside is that I no longer live at home and he's not mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 832

You deserved it 2 326

By dont_shit_where_i_eat - 29/08/2017 23:15

Today, during the few free minutes I had while rushing between meetings, I grabbed a plain slice of pizza to go. I stepped outside, ready to eat and walk, when a friendly pigeon flew overhead and added a "free topping" to my slice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 777

You deserved it 285

By ballbreath - 16/07/2014 15:44 - United States - Rancho Cucamonga

Today, I woke up to my dog jumping on my bed and licking me all over. It would've been fine, if I hadn't woken the first time a few minutes earlier to the sight of him going to town on his balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 852

You deserved it 5 191

Alas, poor Kermit

By W...T...F - 09/08/2013 16:15 - United States

Today, I found the carcass of the frog that got into my house last week. It was a horrifying sight, but not nearly as horrifying as the fact that I found it in my refrigerator. No, I don't know how it got in there either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 527

You deserved it 3 736

Such a rush

By lukey101 - 31/08/2024 16:00 - Australia

Today, I checked my Ring cameras while at work. Ridiculously, my overweight pug-dog managed to climb up onto the ironing board and seemingly couldn’t get down. I valiantly rushed home to rescue, only for him to immediately jump down unassisted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 164

You deserved it 446

By dogproblems - 27/01/2015 15:09 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I shaved my beard in preparation for an important work conference. Now my dog won't stop growling and barking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 538

You deserved it 3 570

Is that really a silver lining?

By miss_peppermint - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, my dog of 10 years died suddenly. My husband’s response? “At least you don’t have to buy dog food anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 418

You deserved it 314

It'll be drones these days

By Ace - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - Toronto

Today, my brother tried to give my dog a walk by attaching an RC helicopter to the leash and following him while flying it. He broke the RC helicopter which cost 300 dollars, and we had to search for the dog for 3 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 600

You deserved it 9 072

By nick - 18/05/2012 07:22 - United States

Today, I came home to find a note on my door from the neighbor saying, "I saw a coyote eat your dog, but was afraid it was rabid." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 110

You deserved it 2 625

Heftychonk

By Wha happen? - 12/07/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, my cat went from a badass huntress to the tuxedo equivalent of Garfield in just four years. She's only 6. I don't overfeed her and try very hard to keep her active. I have no idea why she got so fat and lazy. I do know that dealing with bugs by myself is something I can't afford to do adequately right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 301

You deserved it 182

Woof!

By NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO - 23/01/2023 08:30 - United States

Today, I was walking to my room. My friend's dog, who has always seemed to hate me for no reason, let out the loudest bark he could muster the moment he saw me. Not only did he scare the absolute fuck out of me, he also made me drop my pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 161

Hot hot hot

By Oops - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I turned on my ceiling fan for the first time in months. I then watched as hundreds of furry spiders were flung across the room at high speed, in a circular pattern. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 955

You deserved it 2 021

Pick it up

By Cassie - 02/05/2011 00:21

Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 396

You deserved it 51 041

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The Top

Today, I found a roach in my takeaway. I found it after I felt something hard in my mouth and spat pieces of it back out onto my plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 299

You deserved it 3 664

Today, I woke up to find my boyfriend watching me sleep. I asked him if he was staring at me because he was in love. He replied that it was because my farting wouldn't let him sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 803

You deserved it 13 987

Today, a rat ran into my flat when I opened my front door. After chasing it around the house for a bit, I saw it run towards the open front door. I couldn't find it again, so I figured he'd left. Then I heard my heater shaking loudly, a horrific squeaking sound, and the fan shuddering to a stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 478

You deserved it 476

Today, I was dumped via text halfway through my 8-hour bar shift. I had to deal with my co-workers and customers asking me how my vacation with my now-ex was for the next 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 792

You deserved it 327

Today, I asked a random guy at the skate park if he knew anyone who could sell me some weed. Turns out he was a parole officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 495

You deserved it 3 002

Today, I drew the short straw to play Santa at the office Christmas party. As I bent down to give my coworker a gift, my "Ho, ho, ho!" turned into "Ow, ow, ow!" because I threw out my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 131