Animals

By Sarah Ellsberry - 13/09/2017 16:00

Today, my girlfriend and I moved back in after over a month of couch hopping and $2,000 of heat and chemical treatments for a chronic bedbug issue. I just found bedbugs on my legs. We've used all our favors and have nowhere to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 159

You deserved it 298

Toot toot

By Anonymous - 10/02/2024 12:00 - Germany - Buchholz in der Nordheide

Today, I heard my cat fart for the first time ever. It was this cute little “peeeep” sound. The smell, however… Good god, that was not cute at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 454

You deserved it 164

HUMAN! I NEED ATTENTION!

By Mur - 09/09/2023 22:00

Today, my girlfriend called me four times in a row at work. Worried, I stepped outside and answered the phone. Through tears, she screamed, "It's the cat!" Was he sick or hurt? "NO! He won't stop meowing!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 679

You deserved it 140

I ain't no hollaback girl

By Anonymous - 03/05/2025 12:00 - United States - Newark

Today, I was walking my dog when a car slowed down, and a guy leaned out of the window, then yelled, "Hey, nice dog!" Naturally, I turned to reply, "Thank you!" only to find that the guy had no intention of complimenting me at all. He had been talking to the dog the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 383

You deserved it 236

Happy Birthday!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to wrap presents for a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 458

You deserved it 7 755

Bad doggo!

By coral - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I thought I was home alone so I went to take a shower and left my door open. My dog came in, stole my bra, and ran out of my bathroom. I jumped out and followed him, only to find out that my brother had two of his friends over. They all saw me naked, and my dog had my bra in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 046

You deserved it 12 556

By Deconstructed - 19/05/2009 20:13 - United States

Today, my husband let me sleep in while he worked on the landscaping by our backyard pool. Ready for a shower, I stripped naked, opened the back door to let the dog out, and stepped out to ask him how it was going. Turns out he'd finally hired a landscaping crew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 126

You deserved it 28 019

By Anonymous - 27/07/2014 18:44 - Germany - Oberursel

Today, I woke up to a huge, disgusting bug next to my bed. As I tried to squish it, it suddenly flew off at high speed. Now I'm lying in bed, awake and terrified because I can hear it buzzing around but can't see it anywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 741

You deserved it 5 397

By PuppyLove2009 - 13/11/2009 18:34 - United States

Today, I came home after a two week vacation to find that my wonderful dog had pooped and peed all over my room. My mother was kind enough to dog-sit; however, instead of helping me by cleaning up the horrid mess, she just left me coupons for Glade plug-in air fresheners. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 059

You deserved it 3 878

Hey human, I'm right here

By Not now - 12/09/2022 11:00 - United States

Today, I've realized that my cat doesn't give me the time of day, unless I'm trying to do something that's difficult with a cat present, or at the very least makes it impossible for me to give him attention. Then he's all over me. It's a vicious cycle, with no end in sight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 348

By day001313 - 07/04/2012 04:32 - United States - Albany

Today, I was house-sitting for some friends of my grandparents while they are out of town. While I was in the shower, the dog decided to take my dirty underwear and run. There is now a pair of lacy, black underwear hidden somewhere this giant house, and they return tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 942

You deserved it 3 366

By itsnotyouitsme - 20/04/2016 18:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after breaking up with my boyfriend of 2 years, I was backing out of his driveway when he came running out yelling "STOP!" I thought he wanted to make up so I kept going, until I'd run over his dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 327

You deserved it 35 363

By jesspie - 11/01/2013 02:41 - United Kingdom

Today, the abandoned cat that I took in for the night and during bad weather seems to have spread fleas around my house. They're everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 292

You deserved it 38 295

By emi - 01/07/2012 04:30

Today, not only does my cat rabidly attack my face if I don't let him sleep on my pillow, but he snores too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 982

You deserved it 5 321

By D - 09/09/2011 09:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking down the street when a police officer started walking behind me with his dog. I sped up and tried to cross the road. He took this as suspicious and got the dog to take me to the floor. I've been afraid of dogs since I was 5. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 301

You deserved it 4 854

By Anonymous - 31/07/2014 17:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my cat tried to jump up to the window, and missed. This would have been hilarious if I had not been sleeping under that same window, and then caught him with my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 676

You deserved it 4 800

By izu - 16/09/2011 05:40 - United States

Today, my mom decided to only speak to me through our pet cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 227

You deserved it 2 760

So, do they?

By Bad speech - 09/09/2025 15:00 - United States - New York

Today, I gave a presentation at work using my laptop. When I plugged it into the projector, the last thing I had Googled popped up on the big screen: “Do hamsters get depressed if you ignore them?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 189

You deserved it 325

Naughty boy

By Anonymous - 19/08/2010 17:36 - United States

Today, seconds after my mom put my Yorkie onto my bed, he threw up. His head was not fully over the bed itself, so the wet chunks fell straight into my backpack onto my new school books. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 399

You deserved it 3 593

By Anonymous - 21/10/2014 15:49 - United States - Bedford

Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 838

You deserved it 7 815

By Anonymous - 11/06/2011 22:36 - United States

Today, I was lying in bed with my cat. I must have looked at him the wrong way or something, because he hissed and savagely clawed at my face without warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 283

You deserved it 7 323

Cats 4 life

By Doggone it - 12/11/2022 12:00

Today, I've been living with my new roommate's dogs for three days now. In an ironic twist, the small one is very well-behaved, while the two big ones are disobedient little shits. Every day, I get a thousand more reminders as to why I'm a cat person. I can't do this anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 175

Supply and demand

By Anonymous - 24/10/2020 20:02 - Canada - Courtenay

Today, I spotted my dad watching a wildlife/nature video. I pointed out to him that the animal on the screen was critically endangered; he rebutted by telling me that it's impossible for the animal on the screen to go extinct because people keep hunting it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 117

Priorities

By He's being pretty goofy - 08/05/2023 18:00 - United States

Today, my overthinking and ADHD combo got so ridiculous that I found myself worrying about how my cat was going to be after he returned from the vet. Not if he was going to be okay or not, how he was going to behave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 324

You deserved it 475

Santa or Satan?

By Cat poo - 23/12/2024 22:00 - United States - Smithtown

Today, I woke up, put on my fuzzy socks, walked down my hallway, and stepped in cat vomit. I took off my now wet socks, continued walking down the hallway, and stepped barefoot in cat shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 220

By Shanarie - 05/10/2015 15:40 - United States

Today, I decided to hang my $200 cocktail dress outside for faster drying after hand washing it. I learned that it dries much faster when torn into several pieces, courtesy a stray dog that randomly appeared at my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 948

You deserved it 5 167

Shanarie tells us more.

Shanarie 11

Tuesday 6 October 2015 5:28

OP here. I made an account just to respond to you guys! I live in the country, so I figured making a small clothes line for just my dress wouldn't be a problem.I guess it was just bad timing.The dog was an abandoned pet that was malnourished. Im a shelter volunteer, so we took him to a good home. :)

It's a doggy dog world

By Tom - 02/10/2024 09:00 - Netherlands - Zoetermeer

Today, it's been two years since I got a Dobermann as a gift for my husband. For two years he has cried non-stop, constantly played with his privates, reeked of dead corpse, and used shit to mark the entire yard. He cries all night long. I haven’t slept in two years. I think I have sleep deprivation. My husband says he must stay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 158

You deserved it 562

By Anonymous - 02/06/2015 15:23 - United States - Austin

Today, I was riding my newly trained horse. I've recently been suffering from bad gas, and ended up farting so violently, it spooked my horse into bucking me off and running away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 266

You deserved it 5 539

Get ready to ruuuuumble!

By lordoftheweird - 25/03/2022 02:00

Today, I walked in on my grandmother's cats fighting, and my brothers gambling on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 848

You deserved it 130

Nuts

By Almost neutered - 03/07/2023 06:00 - United States

Today, I was laying on the couch when my cat decided to join. Instead of jumping, he opted to climb. While he was climbing, he put his paw on my junk and got his claws stuck there. He then tried to force them out, which hurt even more. It took almost a full minute to break him free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 618

You deserved it 151

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The Top

The Top

Today, I went to my Christian accountability partner from church to talk about continuing to maintain Christian values. We had sex. Oh, the irony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 438

You deserved it 43 306

Today, I tested the new taps in the shower, with my head. Yep, they're strong enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 630

You deserved it 25 836

Today, after a horrible day at school, I went through the McDonald's drive thru for an ice cream cone. Everything went well until I had to pull a sharp turn. The ice cream is now no longer on the cone, but instead all over my hands, face, steering wheel, and the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 780

You deserved it 25 093

Michael Scott would be impressed.

I agree, your life sucks 157

You deserved it 247

Today, I'm so afraid of Covid, I lied to my friends to avoid hanging out with them every time I was invited. Yes, I've been vaccinated already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 1 371

Today, my boyfriend asked me to use a sex toy on him. Am I in the wrong relationship? FML

I agree, your life sucks 379

You deserved it 2 092