Animals

(This is my FML, made an account after the submission...) plethora, orchids run about $20-30 and the cat had eaten ALL of it. Not just the flowers...stem too. So I don't think it's going to grow back. Orchids are delicate. :)

Reflex

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I fed my cats their usual dinner of canned cat food. Without thinking, I put the spoon I had used for their food into my mouth so I could use both hands to rinse the can before recycling it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 372

You deserved it 33 107

Bad sitter

By Angelina - 11/08/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, I came home from vacation to pick up my dog from the sitter, only to find out he had passed away while in her care. I asked for answers and she simply said, “I dunno, he just woke up dead.” I demanded more answers and she said, “Girl, what else do you want me to tell you? The fuck I look like Osmosis Jones?!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 454

You deserved it 81

Sorry little buddy

By Sorry kitty - 23/11/2022 16:00

Today, my cat sat on me, 30 minutes before I had to go to work. When I picked him up almost immediately after he got comfortable so I could get ready, he looked and sounded absolutely crushed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 228

By Kirta - 09/11/2009 15:18 - Canada

Today, while finishing up raking leaves, I decided it would be a fun idea to jump into them. After rolling around in the leaves for a bit, I smelled something funny. Turns out I was rolling around in dog shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 426

You deserved it 38 129

By australian6196 - 05/02/2014 02:36 - Australia - Sydney

Today, while on a road trip through Australia with my dad, we were both complaining that we had yet to see any kangaroos. Suddenly, we saw one up real close. The rental car saw it even closer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 782

You deserved it 7 488

By Anonymous - 26/06/2016 12:22 - Australia - West End

Today, my dog chewed up my $120 dildo. Goodbye, sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 530

You deserved it 5 546

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Anxiety Friends Students Love Tinder Dating Facebook Awkward First Dates Dogs Cars Accident Transportation My ex Confused Sex Intimacy Embarrassing Health Gross NSFW Poopoo peepee Pregnancy Kids Cheating Break-ups Work Mother in law Family

The Top

Today, my first girlfriend of over 3 years left me for another guy. She said she's looking for someone who can financially provide for her in the future. The dude owns a T-Mobile kiosk. I'm going to medical school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 568 522

You deserved it 40 619

Today, I met my boyfriend in Hong Kong after being apart for almost 6 months. We got to our room and got right down to business. I was just about to come when a voice came over the PA system in the room. "This is just a fire alarm test, sorry for any inconvenience." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 193

You deserved it 5 953

Random

Today, my best friend can now say "I fucked your mom" to me and actually mean it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 183

You deserved it 3 691

Today, like every other day for many years, I have a phobia of bananas. This evening, the phobia came to a head when I had a nightmare in which I was stabbed to death by a gang of walking bananas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 573

You deserved it 8 640

Today, after being told my cellphone was under warranty and would be repaired for free, Samsung received my device, changed their minds, and charged me $636.96 to return my device to me. That's more than the device costs new at this point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 151

You deserved it 206

Today, I gave a toast at my close friend's wedding. The bride's little cousin snuck up behind me and unzipped my dress. As I ended my speech with, "To a night we will never forget!", my dress fell all the way down. I was quick. People's phones were quicker. Well, they won't forget my undies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 649

You deserved it 98

Today, I was FaceTiming with my mum when she interrupted me to ask who 'the man behind me' was. I live alone, so I had a bit of a jump scare moment. She was so proud of her 'hilarious' prank, her laugh still haunts me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 488

You deserved it 101

Today, I ordered sushi for dinner. When it arrived, I realized the delivery driver had given me the wrong order, a family-sized vegan lasagna. I don’t even like regular lasagna, let alone vegan lasagna. FML

I agree, your life sucks 477

You deserved it 98