Animals

Googoo gaga

By Daisie - 24/01/2025 00:00 - United States - Santa Fe

Today, I spent way too long baby-talking my neighbor’s dog through the fence, calling him "the cutest, sweetest baby." It turned out that my neighbor was sitting on the other side of the fence the entire time, out of view, quietly giggling at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 190

You deserved it 424

By unluckiestperson - 29/08/2010 15:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my very expensive and beautiful smelling perfume attracts wasps. Whenever I go out, wherever I am, I am followed by multiple wasps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 764

You deserved it 6 283

Humaaaaaaan! Open the doooooor!

By Is he stupid? - 12/01/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, my dumbass cat won't stop screaming and whining at me because I won't let him go outside. It's winter, and this is the Midwest. He did this without my knowledge once before and had almost frozen to death by the time I figured out where he was. Also, he's too loud for earplugs to drown him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 369

You deserved it 130

What is going on?

By Jade - 22/08/2013 00:09 - United States - Reseda

Today, my wackjob roommate decided to sit next to me on the couch, basically make out with her pet rabbit, and baby-talk to it. Key highlights involved giggling while the bunny licked up inside her nose and then commenting on the rabbit's "pronounced nipples". Why? FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 116

You deserved it 3 986

Resting bitch face

By Meow, Bitch! - 24/07/2022 18:00 - United States - Steele

Today, I realized my cat has a very serious case of RBF. Let me tell you, there's nothing more unnerving than turning your head and seeing a small tuxedo cat staring daggers at you for absolutely no reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 649

You deserved it 251

By ang3l4 - 21/09/2016 05:28 - United States - Redding

Today, I discovered that my state is passing a bill regulating cow "emissions". Basically, we need to regulate cow farts. I live in a farming town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 537

You deserved it 1 243

Tiger-ed out

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Truckee

Today, I took my daughter to the zoo, because she loves tigers. Correction: she used to love tigers, until one sprayed urine on her from a distance of four meters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 763

You deserved it 5 522

By Turdfoot - 12/02/2013 20:15 - United States - Prosper

Today, I discovered that my cat recently had explosive diarrhea, and couldn't make it to the litterbox in time. I discovered this when I stepped in the very, very fresh poop with my bare feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 414

You deserved it 4 421

Owl be there for you

By No2ndDate - 02/02/2017 04:00 - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, I went on a date to an owl sanctuary. Today is also the day I discovered my all-encompassing fear of owls, as I cried and pissed myself in front of my date and 15 other visitors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 996

You deserved it 1 582

By jaydiv - 22/11/2009 09:15 - Australia

Today, I saw my cat outside taking a dump. I pulled back the curtain and watched him clean it up, because I found it fascinating that animals can do that. I must have been standing there for several minutes before I noticed the neighbour next door looking at me being fascinated by my cat pooing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 587

You deserved it 36 468

By Radgirl - 28/04/2009 02:10 - United States

Today, while on a run off campus with my german shepherd, I tried to impress a couple of hot fraternity guys playing football outside of their house. I broke out into a full sprint. I then got tangled in my dog's leash and fell straight in to a parked jeep knocking myself unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 376

You deserved it 58 545

By Anonymous - 13/02/2011 08:36 - United States

Today, I confirmed that my neighbors burn their garbage in their backyard. How? My dog just threw up a nice smelly consistency of spaghetti, plastic and cigarette butts on my carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 850

You deserved it 3 825

Law and order

By Karen - 15/08/2025 03:00

Today, I was walking my dog when he decided to poop in the middle of a crosswalk during heavy traffic. We have very strict laws (and fines) so I frantically tried to pick it up while cars waited, honking and watching me struggle like I was in the worst street performance ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 105

Fright Night

By mzgabbster - 24/10/2010 12:21 - United States

Today, I was having the most wonderful bath. The water was steaming, the bubbles were bubbly, and I was reading a really good book. I put my book down to yawn and looked to my right. My gaze was met by the lovely face of my brother's pet tarantula. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 223

You deserved it 3 380

By frame - 20/03/2009 15:08 - Canada

Today, I was walking my husky when she saw a cat and bolted toward it. I couldn't let go of the leash because my hand was tangled up. Forced to run along, I ran into a parked van at full sprint. I lost my dog, broke two ribs and have to pay for the dent in the van. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 199

You deserved it 10 310

By Anonymous - 07/07/2011 22:52 - United States

Today, I helped myself to some homemade biscuits that had been left in the kitchen. I thought they looked a little odd, but they tasted pretty good. I found out later they were homemade dog treats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 511

You deserved it 30 673

By Livingthedream - 12/08/2018 06:00

Today, I got home from a long day of work and saw a pile of dog puke on the kitchen floor. I went to get paper towels and found a pile of dog shit. With my foot. Both of my kids were home all day and left the piles for me to clean because "that's gross". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 980

You deserved it 476

By Anonymous - 15/07/2015 15:40 - Canada - Port-menier

Today, I found out my mom recently stopped taking her medication. I came home to find she'd shot my dog because she thought he was possessed by the devil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 815

You deserved it 2 203

By lolmyfduplife - 24/12/2015 06:10

Today, I put my 5 month-old daughter in her swinging chair and walked into the kitchen to make her a bottle. When I came back, she was giggling because the dog was licking her face. It would have been cute, picture worthy even, if I actually had a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 714

You deserved it 2 103

Poor Raymond

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got this huge package at my college dorm from my parents with candy, chips, canned soup and all these goodies. When I called my mom to thank her, she replied, "We got rid of your cat, Annie". FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 095

You deserved it 2 666

By Anonymous - 20/07/2019 16:00 - United States - Tulsa

Today, my cat attempted to make up for my insomnia with a dead mouse. I have no idea where he got it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 552

You deserved it 202

By RachelDC - 03/07/2009 19:06 - United States

Today, I noticed a string was following behind our family cat. After close inspection I realized it was a plastic kite string he partially digested. I had to pull the other three feet of plastic kite tail from his rectum. He purred the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 194

You deserved it 5 665

By traumatised - 11/10/2009 16:16 - United Kingdom

Today, my new roommate decided to put his pet hamster in the same cage as my beloved hamster. Apparently he wanted them to make hamster babies. They are both males. His hamster attacked mine and tore it to pieces. I just finished cleaning up the mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 510

You deserved it 2 798

It's all about control

By Anonymous - 19/07/2024 12:00 - United States - Augusta

Today, my parents said they were cutting me off for saving a kitten's life and wanting to keep it. I am 40 years-old and don't get any money from them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 571

You deserved it 70

By Username - 02/08/2011 17:35 - United States

Today, I decided to play with my dog. I sat on the ground and whistled for him to come to me. I smiled when I saw him running at my happily. He sniffed me, turned around, lifted his leg and peed on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 491

You deserved it 5 312

By spenmy - 13/06/2010 09:56 - United States

Today, it was a little colder than it should be for this time of year, and as a result I was using the heater in my car. Apparently within the last four months, a mouse managed to make his way into my heater vent and die. I can not get the smell of death out of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 306

You deserved it 3 341

Freaked out

By Anonymous - 15/08/2010 05:24 - United States

Today, my mom called me to the laundry room after she saw a dead animal in there. I took a look and agreed we should call animal control. After ten minutes of freaking out, they finally arrived to confirm that the dead animal was the hood to my winter jacket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 234

You deserved it 42 261

By Kelsie - 12/12/2009 15:41 - United States

Today, my mother thought it would be okay to take my camera and erase all of my pictures that included my graduation, party, and my sisters wedding. Her excuse? "We need more room for Katie's birthday." Katie is our pet cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 685

You deserved it 4 084

Cats and Cars

By Anonymous - 21/07/2014 22:49 - United States - Dublin

Today, I had to take my cat to the vet. On the way there, he managed to get out of his cage, climb into the front seat, onto my chest, and howl in my face as I tried to drive down the highway. I ended up with stitches and still got charged for missing my cat's appointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 636

You deserved it 5 926

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The Top

Today, I spent the holiday with my husband's big family. They suggested we take a family picture, but two people were purposely left out of it. I was one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 300

You deserved it 1 664

Today, I asked my boss for a promotion. "You don't work here but I can give you a job application." I've been working here for 8 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 775

You deserved it 2 114

Today, the car in front of me in the drop-off area at my son's school parked, and the driver got out. I basically leaned on my horn and gave her every dirty look in the book. She said nothing but stared at me as she opened the back of her van to unload her child's wheelchair. I'm an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 850

You deserved it 76 043

Today, I was wearing a skirt, and running towards a closing elevator, making it just in time. As soon as I ran in, my pad fell out of my underwear and onto the floor. There were 6 other people in the elevator. I picked it up before I realized I had nowhere to put it, so I held it. For 18 floors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 532

You deserved it 10 883

Today, my mother had a Kitty Party (sort of), and I was in charge of the tea and snacks. I was so busy I didn't pay attention to their discussion. After everything was done, I heard my mother talking about my poop colour and how unhealthy it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 140

Today, I was playing a game of charades with my in-laws. I had to get them to guess the movie "Chicken Run," so I started flapping my arms, clucking loudly, and running around. I was really getting into it when I noticed everyone looking horrified. Turns out, my mother-in-law is terrified of chicken, and I just about triggered her a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 505

You deserved it 112