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Amyjayyy's favorite FMLs

Today, I received a poorly-written letter from my asshole neighbor in which he threatened to "sew" me because my dog shat on his lawn again. I went over, asked if he needed some wool for his sewing, and told him to stop being an idiot. Now he's apparently hiring a lawyer for real. FML

By possibly a sweater - / Thursday 5 December 2013 22:26 / United States - Wharton

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when I got a sudden agonising cramp in my foot. I cried out in pain, but he didn't stop. If anything, my cries of pain seemed to spur him on. FML

By Anonymous - / Thursday 5 December 2013 19:10 / United Kingdom - Washington

Today, I pulled over a speeding driver. I admit that I'd been hoping for this moment since I joined the police force; the moment a lady put her cleavage on display to get out of a ticket. Sadly, this lady was a senior citizen, and her breasts looked like two semi-deflated balloons. FML

By fuck my eyeballs - / Sunday 1 December 2013 23:07 / United States - Rancho Palos Verdes

Today, concerned about my daughter's recent behavior, I looked through her web browser history. I found web searches for information on how to make a bomb to blow up a "horse". I'm not sure if she's illiterate, but either way it seems I need to get her some help. FML

By Anonymous - / Sunday 1 December 2013 21:43 / United States - Wailuku

Today, my fiancé left me waiting at the train station for two and a half hours because he offered his ex-girlfriend a lift to her friends wedding that was a few cities away. I normally wouldn't have minded, but I'm 6 months pregnant and it was pouring with rain. FML

By ali456 / Sunday 1 December 2013 15:16 / United Kingdom - Dudley