Today, I was walking through the main lobby at school and I saw someone waving at me, so I waved back. Turns out she was just cleaning a glass door. I heard laughter behind me. FML
Today, my father picked me up from the police academy I'm attending, and got caught speeding. The officer was my drill instructor, and I had to do push-ups on the side of the highway. FML
Today, at my grandmother's funeral, my senile grandfather kept asking me "Where's granny? I've been looking for her, but I can't find her." FML
Today, my girlfriend dyed her hair from blonde to brunette. An hour later, she found one of her blonde hairs on my pillow, and accused me of cheating. FML
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