Today, I woke up next to my best friend after lots of drinking and the best sex I've ever had in my life. The only problem is we're both straight males. FML
Today, my dad bought a one hundred dollar collectible light-saber. He plays with it. In the front yard. With sound effects. FML
Today, I was walking with my crush, and I told him how I felt. As soon as I turned to him, a bird shit on my face. FML
Today, I was trying out for my school's athletics team. As I reached the finish line for the 100m sprint, there was so much momentum I couldn't stop. I ended up running into a wall. FML
Today, as I was walking home from school with my guy friends, my dad pulled up by the sidewalk, offered me a handful of dollar bills and said, "Get in, baby." Only after we drove away and he started laughing did I realize I'll probably never hear the end of this at school. FML
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