tishharris

Today, I finally convinced my girlfriend to let me give her a foot massage after she had a long day at work. Halfway through, she fell asleep. Wanting to see how ticklish she actually was, I started to tickle her feet. She then kicked me straight in the nuts whilst sleeping. FML

Today, I was shopping for clothes. I thought this guy was a mannequin because he was standing perfectly still. I poked him and he screamed like a girl. FML

Today, after I successfully blew up a really large balloon, my mom said, in front of my older brother's friends, "Wow, you're going to make some man really happy one day!" FML

What a dick

Today, I ran into my boyfriend's dad. His exact words were, "Call me when you're ready to feel what a real man can do to you." FML