PartyxRocked

Today, my mom was put in jail for beating the shit out of my dad. FML

Today, I was at a party, when the cops busted us. Since I'm underage, I hid behind a chair for an hour and a half while they breathalyzed everyone and sat them in the same room I was in. The cops left, everyone realized I was behind the chair, and now my nickname is "Anne Frank". FML

Faithful

Today, I found out that my partner thinks love is more meaningful than sex, so it's okay to stick his penis in someone else. FML

Today, I found out my boyfriend and I have more in common than I thought. We both are sexually attracted to men. FML