Warrior, Alabama, United States 31 years-old Single
Today, my boyfriend and I were making out when he sweetly whispered in my ear, "It's not gonna suck itself." FML
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be a good idea to viciously rip off my thong. My ass crack is numb. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and firmly placed his penis on my nose. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter and said I looked just like Squidward. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he suddenly pulls out and says, "Pull my penis." So I pulled his penis and he farted. Then he started doing it again. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try something new. I ended up tied to the bed, and my girlfriend discovered how ticklish I am. Worst 3 hours of my life. FML
Today, my girlfriend refered to her vagina as a meat wallet, and to my penis as small change. FML
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