Today, my fiancé was performing oral on me, when I heard him start making a "Waka waka waka waka" noise. He confessed to pretending to be Pacman. FML
Today, I put out a fire. Sadly, it was on my doorstep because someone had lit a bag of dog poop. FML
Today, I got mugged by someone wearing a bear suit. FML
Today, I was attacked by clowns at work. I don't work at the circus. FML
Today, I sent my boyfriend a long and heartfelt message. He responded with "tl; dr". FML
Today, my family got together to read my grandpa's will. He gave all of his grandkids $400 each. Except me. It seems he thought I'd see the funny side in being bequeathed a blow-up sex doll. FML
Today, I was robbed by a guy wearing a ninja turtle costume. FML
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