1known

going no contact in 3…2..1 · 27 February 2023, 06:00

Fur babies

Today, my insane mother refused to pick me up from school. Her reason was my “little brother” didn’t feel like going in the car. I got upset and snapped that her dog is not my brother when she tried to ground me. She won’t cook, clean, or take care of her family, all for that damn dog. I can’t wait to move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 290 You deserved it 115

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minnEmouse · This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff ·United States

How very dare you?

Today, I met my husband's old high school sweetheart. My mother-in-law introduced me to her as "one of my son's friends." We've been married for over eight years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 111 You deserved it 3 317

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Anonymous · 27 February 2023, 18:00 🌶️ Spicy

Prank gone wrong

Today, my prank-loving girlfriend pushed hot sauce up my penis hole with her tongue by pretending she was going to give me oral sex. It’s been an hour of burning, it’s worse when I pee, and I think I may need a hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 981 You deserved it 264

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Username · This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff ·United States

Silver linings

Today, I got a really bad sunburn on my face while at the lake. Not to worry, though; my friends made me feel better by saying, "It takes the attention away from your acne." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 087 You deserved it 4 072

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Anonymous · 28 February 2023, 00:00 ·United Kingdom

Wrap it

Today, I’m 16 years-old, father to a four month-old baby, and I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 401 You deserved it 1 696

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Anonymous · 28 February 2023, 02:00

Cultural imperialism

Today, my new boyfriend said I’m only allowed three male friends, and their names are, “the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost.” When I told him he was quoting Will Ferrell, I realized he was born in Croatia and doesn’t know who that is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 798 You deserved it 214

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FlowerGal88 · 28 February 2023, 06:00

Sneaky

Today, I found out that the mystery flowers I received from a “Johnny” that caused my boyfriend to dump me on Valentine’s Day was really from him. He concocted this plan to make it look like I was cheating on him with a “Johnny” instead of confessing he was leaving me for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 405 You deserved it 102

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stuckonrepeat · This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff ·United Kingdom

Reached my limit

Today, I received the results of the exams that I re-took in order to improve my grades. I got exactly the same grades as before in all four exams. Point for point identical. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 738 You deserved it 19 929

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Anonymous · 28 February 2023, 12:00

Obey, human

Today, after struggling to fall asleep due to stress, my cat decided to wake me up by standing on me and meowing until I got up. Just for me to show him that my boyfriend had already put food in his dish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 748 You deserved it 176

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Mario · 28 February 2023, 14:00

I just work here

Today, a lady came in screaming at me, demanding to see my manager and asked for the “corporate office” phone number. She had received a letter from the IRS stating that she owes $8,000. She threatened to “sue me dry” if I didn’t “take the charges off.” I simply man the front desk at the tax services office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929 You deserved it 104

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why · 28 February 2023, 16:00 ·Brookline, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Self love

Today, I broke my leg. It's bad enough on its own, but I secretly have a fetish for casts and crutches. I'm constantly turned on and it's driving me crazy. Six weeks to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 500 You deserved it 1 237

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HadEnough · 28 February 2023, 18:00 ·Hyderabad, India

Leech

Today, I asked my husband to be a little more responsible, pick up after himself, and spend a little less. I earn more than he does, so it's usually my money that he splurges. He has gone on a non-stop tantrum for the past 5 hours, giving me the cold shoulder, and shouting at me. What have I gotten myself into? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 020 You deserved it 212

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MrLonelyHertz · This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff ·Kingman, United States

No thanks

Today, I sat down for class. The second I sat down, the guy next to me stood up and moved all the way to the other side of the class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 192 You deserved it 1 407

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Anonymous · 28 February 2023, 22:00 ·Argentina

Double whammy

Today, my wife told me she wanted a divorce and walked out. This is two days after she informed me that she is unexpectedly pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 021 You deserved it 102

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Not the daddy-o · 1 March 2023, 02:00

The boy is mine

Today, I found out that I’m not the father of my “son” but I'm his uncle. The only thing my wife did was to shrug and say, “Shit happens.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 328 You deserved it 168

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Anonymous · 1 March 2023, 04:00 ·United States

****** around, found out

Today, I tried to decorate my coffee table by following a DIY project I found on Pinterest, but I ended up ruining it and now have to buy a new one instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 232 You deserved it 825

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff ·Lewisville, United States

Monthiversary?

Today, my boyfriend got pissed off and is now sulking, all because I didn't make a huge deal out of our one-month "anniversary". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 610 You deserved it 3 812

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NeedToGetLaid · 1 March 2023, 16:00 ·United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy

Congratulations

Today, it’s mine and my fiancée’s two year anniversary. No, not our engagement or dating anniversary, it’s the two year anniversary of when we last had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 115 You deserved it 373

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Anonymous · 1 March 2023, 18:00

FREEBIRD!

Today, I was singing and drumming on the steering wheel in my car while stuck in traffic, only to realize the car next to me was full of my carpooling coworkers, all staring at me in disbelief. They spent the day at the office requesting songs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 751 You deserved it 225

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alek · This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff ·United States

Thank you for your service

Today, I was the waiter for my family at the village inn. It wasn't too bad, until I found out they left me no tip, only a napkin that said, "Get a haircut." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 392 You deserved it 3 771

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Anonymous · 1 March 2023, 22:00 ·Swindon, United Kingdom

This is the end

Today, I got a song stuck in my head and couldn't stop humming it, even during an important meeting. I didn't realise I was doing it until my boss stopped talking, looked at me, and said, "You OK over there Jim Morrison?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 285 You deserved it 748

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duck me! · 2 March 2023, 04:00

Prank culture has gone too far

Today, some asshole superglued ten rubber ducks to my car while I was at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 876 You deserved it 105

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Anonymous · 2 March 2023, 06:00 ·Germany

Sick burn

Today, I got the flu so I needed a sick note. The local doctor’s office has a sign outside saying, “DON’T come in if you’re contagious.” They are also completely unreachable by phone. Sooo, I guess I’ll… send a pigeon? FML

I agree, your life sucks 867 You deserved it 108

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff ·Louisville, United States

Liquid fun

Today, I found out why my girlfriend has lost interest in our relationship. She's found out she likes drinking. A lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 020 You deserved it 4 025

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jules · 2 March 2023, 10:00 ·Germany

Inflation blows

Today, I decided I don’t need to restrict my consumption of shrimp anymore, which I used to do because they are so expensive. So, did I finally land a well-paying job? Nope. It's just that all the other kinds of seafood have risen so much in price that it doesn’t make any difference now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 710 You deserved it 138

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Whaaaaaaa · 2 March 2023, 12:00 🌶️ Spicy

Betrayed

Today, my mom had a fit and confessed that my grandfather is also my father. Apparently, I was the product of a rape and she further confessed that she was going to abort me but chose not to, and she regrets her decision. What caused this conversation? Me watching the season 4 of "You" without telling her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 608 You deserved it 182

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salt bomb · 2 March 2023, 16:00 ·United States

Just eat it

Today, I spent all day carefully preparing a wonderful homemade beef and vegetable stew from scratch. Close to dinner time, I tasted it and it was inedibly salty. Confused, my horrifically bratty stepdaughter then laughed and admitted she poured salt in it because it wasn’t what she wanted for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 306 You deserved it 147

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Anonymous · 2 March 2023, 22:00

Hotkey

Today, I was screen-sharing during a virtual meeting when my cat jumped up and walked across my keyboard, and revealed my embarrassing search history. FML

I agree, your life sucks 337 You deserved it 801

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now afraid... · This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff ·Bloomington, États-Unis

Mystère…

Aujourd'hui, j'ai découvert un bol de haricots verts dans mon micro-ondes. La seule personne de mon entourage qui mange des haricots verts est mon ex-petite amie psychotique. Elle a déménagé il y a environ trois mois. VDM

I agree, your life sucks 39 510 You deserved it 5 913

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Florence · 27 February 2023, 08:20

Cachez ce…

Aujourd'hui, je suis à la maison avec mon nouveau né quand le facteur sonne pour un colis. Il garde les yeux au sol et a l'air très gêné, et je comprends pourquoi quand je referme la porte : Je n'avais pas rangé mon sein après la tétée. VDM

I agree, your life sucks 4 615 You deserved it 947

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