alex327

Today, I tapped my sister on her shoulder to get her attention. I guess I was too close to her neck, which is where she is most ticklish, and ended up in the emergency room with a broken nose after she elbowed me in the face. I was just trying to repay her the $10 I borrowed from her. FML

Today, my boyfriend said he was too tired to have sex with me because he'd spent the whole day jerking off. FML

Lujack

Today, I found out the real reason my dad bought a new car and generously gave me his old one. He knew the engine was about to fail and didn't want it to be his problem when it finally did. It blew out while I was driving at high speed on the motorway. Just my luck. FML

Today, my best friend got engaged. To get his girlfriend to say yes, he had to agree to dump me as a friend because she doesn't want him being best friends with a girl. FML