Foreverlass

Today, someone thought it would be funny to steal the precious stuffed bear I've had since childhood and leave a ransom note in its place. FML

Today, I found that I conduct so much static electricity that I'm periodically given a shock by my headphones as I walk with them on. 5ML

Today, I went down on the girl of my dreams. While I was down there, I started to put on a condom. As I came back up to start having sex, she told me she couldn't cheat on her boyfriend. FML