Miss Single
Today, my girlfriend and I walked to her couch while kissing with our eyes closed. Stumbling, we reached the couch and dropped our bodies, her on top of me. What I didn't know was that her kitty, Elvis, was napping. Elvis was very angry. FML
Today, my boyfriend wouldn't lick the whipped cream I had on my nipples because "That stuff is full of calories." FML
TODAY, I PRESSED CAPS LOCK ON MY LAPTOP AND THE KEY GOT STUCK. NOW ALL OF MY LETTERS ARE IN CAPITAL LETTERS. I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING. FML
Today, I stayed up until 4 am. I was waiting for both my cats to fall asleep, so I could play Santa and stuff their stockings in secret. FML
Today, I realised the extent of my wife's cat obsession when I received an $850 bill for the air conditioner she leaves on for our 5 cats while we are at work. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I loved him. He told me he was a dinosaur. FML
Today, I learned that no matter how much of a nerd a girl claims to be, she is not ready for you to speak Klingon during sex. FML
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