pedropmojito

Today, my ex-boyfriend announced he was engaged. We broke up last night. FML

Today, I had to end a phone conversation with, "I gotta go, my daughter's eating toilet paper." FML

Dad!

Today, my family and I were laying on my parents' bed watching a movie. My dad wrapped his arm around me and began rubbing my shoulder. That would have been fine, if it actually had been my shoulder and not my boob. Needless to say, we were both mortified. FML

Today, my parents said they know I don't do drugs or drink because I have no friends to do drugs or drink with. They are right. FML

Today, I was sitting at my desk when out of nowhere I had a "silent sneeze attack". Someone in the office called the paramedics because they thought I was having a seizure. This is the third time this has happened this week. FML