Poopville, USA 32 years-old
Today, my mum's boyfriend came back from a job up-state. He is now walking around the house in boxers to "show off his tan". He has a beer gut and a hairy back. FML
Today, my father decided to "prepare" me for the real world by telling me that I'm ugly. FML
Today, I let my new puppy outside for the first time. When I went to get him, I saw a man running off with him. FML
Today, I had a sore throat, and I'd read that drops of Tabasco sauce on your tongue helps. I aimed the bottle at my tongue and the whole cap came off, covering my face and filling my mouth with Tabasco sauce, causing me to blow chunks all over the kitchen floor. FML
Today, I missed my flight because I was held in airport security because I'd "threatened" an employee. He had confiscated my eyelash curler and jokingly I asked if he thought I was going to curl him to death. He didn't laugh. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my friend and two pretty girls. During the movie, he made out with both of them, while I sat there awkwardly and watched the movie. FML
Today, I spent the entire day in my room trying to figure out how to get rid of my psycho boyfriend without dying. FML
Today, a group of Girl Scouts came to my door selling chocolate bars. I bought two bars and smiled as they left, thinking I'd done a good deed. When the door closed, I heard one of the girls say, "Told you, the fat bitches always wanna buy from us." FML
Today, I got a complaint from my neighbor about a little girl staring at her through my guest bedroom window for the past month. I live alone. Now I'm scared to live in my own house. FML
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