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Attacksloth tells us more.

OP here. I was at a university, so like all schools, sex is fairly common here. I actually don't know if the contents were... legit sperm, but it seemed like they had the correct colour and, regrettably, consistency, judging by the shit left on my leg. It didn't look like pudding or mayonnaise or anything edible. Right now I'm just talking myself into a sense of security by telling myself that nobody in their right mind would actually be that disgusting. The second one missed me, because I saw them chucking it, so I ducked out of the way. Luckily I had extra pants from the gym so I just changed into those, and I refused to touch the condoms until a janitor came in with some heavy duty gloves. I don't think it was an act of revenge, because I haven't really talked to people much this year - I'm either with my wife, exercising alone, or researching alone. The boy who threw them was with a girl and they were both laughing. I memorized their faces, so if I see them on campus, they can receive some "polite Canadian justice".