f33rfact0r

abbielane This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff Rochester, United States

The great pretender

Today, my daughter tried to sneak out of the house. When I caught her, she freaked out and punched me in the face. She then "snapped out of it" and claimed she was sleepwalking. FML

134 comments

Wwiimaniac 25 June 2012, 14:05 Dallas, United States

Today, I finally achieved the perfect hourglass figure. Too bad I'm a guy. FML

162 comments

stolen-car 26 June 2012, 02:55 Columbia, United States

Today, I finally got enough money to buy the car I wanted for a year now. It was stolen today too. I had my car for 4 hours. FML

89 comments

Anonymous 26 June 2012, 05:44 United States

Today, I burned my nose. How? I tried sniffing a lit candle. FML

176 comments

Oraashi 26 June 2012, 17:18 Stoke-on-trent, United Kingdom

Today, I confessed my feelings to the girl I've been in love with for three years. Her response was to well up, start crying, and ask me why I had to have chosen her. FML

85 comments