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offbeans - 17/02/2009 02:29 - United States

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

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My body hates me

Pain_intolerant - - Canada

Today, I caught my finger in a sliding door. It made me pass out and give myself a concussion. My genetics would rather slam my face into the floor than deal with a pinched finger. FML

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Anonymous - 10/03/2011 22:28 - United States

Today, I overheard a little girl ask her mom if the round lady in purple was pretending to be a giant eggplant. I was the lady in purple. FML

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Hello?

blahhlovely_30 - 09/03/2011 20:03 - United States

Today, I lost my cat. It's deaf, so no matter what I do it can't hear me. FML

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Anonymous - 09/03/2011 09:52 - India

Today, while stuck in a traffic jam, my son silently changed my gear to reverse. FML

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