oliviasbestbuddy

Today, before I went to bed, I watched a terrifying movie with zombies. I woke up with a headache, a bloody nose, and my mom standing over me frantically asking me what was wrong. Apparently I had been "fighting the zombies off" in my sleep and had been punching myself in the face. FML

Today, I found out my girlfriend and her best friend compare the dumps they take to common transportation. They comment about it on each others facebook page. My girlfriend's last one was apparently a 'coach bus'. FML

Today, I was at basketball practice and my coach asked me how my knee was. When I lifted my pants to show him, my cheetah print thong that had been stuck inside the pants from the dryer flew out to the ground. FML

Today, a really hot guy smacked my ass. I farted. FML