Today, I discovered I am the "before picture" in an internet weight loss advert. FML
Today, two guys broke into my apartment to rob me at gunpoint. While I was wanking. FML
Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML
Today, at the Mommy and Me dance class that I take my four year old daughter to, the instructor had us do a stretch, telling us to pretend we're mermaids. My daughter said to me, "But you're not a mermaid, you're a whale!" FML
Today, I walked in on one of my housemates pissing in the kitchen sink full of dirty dishes. FML
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