shanaginey

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She just grabbed the ring and said in a raspy voice, "My precious..." FML

Today, I found out that my girlfriend takes videos of me sleeping and watches them with her friends. FML

Today, I tried to blink out a small speck of dirt that was caught in my eye. Instead, I learned what it feels like to suffocate a small, angry spider with your eyelid. FML

Today, I was walking my dogs when a woman at a bus stop quite rudely exclaimed, "Keep those mutts away from my kid". I replied just as rudely that I wouldn't want them anywhere near her dirty sprog. It was then we both realised she was a customer that I regularly talk to at work. FML

Today, my car was stolen from my driveway. I reported it to the police, the insurance company, and my neighbors, and begged for help via social media. As I walked to catch a bus, I saw my car parked outside my school. I forgot I left it there last night. FML

Today, I was so sleep-deprived, I thought a white car driving toward me was a polar bear. I screamed like a little girl and started panicking. I live in California. FML