taptapa

Today, I realized my tampon goes deeper than my boyfriend. FML

Today, I sat on Santa's lap. He got an erection. FML

Today, I saw my dad for the first time in ten years. He was stealing my car. FML

Drama!

Today, my distraught mom called me, saying my dad had killed himself and to come home right away. After cussing out my math teacher for trying to stop me and rushing back home in a taxi, I ran into the living room, only to find my parents laughing so hard they were practically in tears. FML