kt_baity01

Today, I finally lost my virginity. In my boyfriend's racecar bed. FML

Today, a hooker refused my custom. According to her, "Even whores have standards." FML

New laws

Today, my grandpa told me what he'd do if he was president. I sat there for 30 minutes listening to how he'd get rid of prisons, send all the prisoners to a desert for 5 years and give them a gun to fight over. And then he'd surgically attach child molesters' penises to their foreheads. FML

#ForeverAlone

Today, I realized the closest thing I have to a love life is organizing my porn folder by category. FML

Today, I spent thirty minutes in the shower trying to remove "Pierre", a face complete with moustache that my girlfriend drew in sharpie on the tip of my cock. FML