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Wow, forgot there are so many 100% perfect people out there who have never made a stupid mistake in their lives! This was a momentary lapse of judgement that resulted in a pretty minor accident, that being the first and only I’ve had in 20+ years of driving. I was not driving drunk, speeding or doing anything overly reckless. I was eating. Silly mistake, yes. Don’t know if it really warrants the nasty comments.

Not so tech savvy

By Anonymous - 07/05/2025 09:00 - United States - Kailua

Today, in Home Ec, I struggled to open the microwave for almost 10 minutes in front of the whole class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 370

Consolation prize

By my fault for asking - 27/11/2024 15:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I asked my girlfriend of six months to be honest and tell me why she didn't give me a chance at first, two years ago when I first asked her out. I guess I shouldn't have asked, because her response was, "At first I wasn't digging you that hard, but the guys I liked didn't have your personality." FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 501

Not really my problem

By Anonymous - 26/04/2025 03:00 - India

Today, I got a text from a cousin thanking me for always being nice to her. Bear in mind that this “cousin” basically bullied me as a child, all while I looked up to her. She’s gone through a very rough time recently, so I thought she'd sent me someone else’s text by mistake and I told her so. She replied, “No.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 278

Low blow

By Well thenn - 15/04/2023 12:00 - United States - Bridgeton

Today, I told my sister that it wasn't classy to eat an entire box of cookies by herself. She responding by telling me it's not classy to not know who my son's father is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 2 336

Cyrano

By Anonymous - 12/06/2026 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my friends fancy each other and keep secretly asking me to write their sext messages. I'm essentially carrying on both sides of their sexy talk with myself, only I won’t be the one getting laid. Sometimes wish I was lesbian too, arranging a threesome between us would be easier than this FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 269

Check your closets, folks

By Spooked - 19/11/2023 04:00 - United States

Today, I was woken up in the middle of the night by an alarm on my phone going off. Thinking it was warning me of an incoming weather emergency, I checked it. It was a Silver Alert near me. Why wake me up for this? FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 502

Is that even legal?

By what a cruel man - 08/03/2026 03:00

Today, my rich ex-husband died, and left our two children $100 each, while leaving his other children seven figures. He said in his will that it was his "revenge" for my infidelity. Now my kids won't talk to me. How cruel can you be, holding on to a grudge and punishing your own blood for it? FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 833

Pizzagate

By Drama - 27/10/2024 15:00 - United States - Miami

Today, after I'd decided to give online dating another shot and I matched with someone who seemed interesting, during our actual date our conversation quickly devolved into a debate about whether pineapple belongs on pizza. I ended up blocking her after she sent me a thesis on the subject. FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 494

Training wheels

By Pizza? - 08/04/2026 15:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I’m learning to cook and invited friends over to prove I’m improving. I timed everything perfectly… or so I thought. I realized I’d never actually turned the oven on. We stood around a beautifully plated tray of room-temperature lasagna while I said, “It just needs… a bit more time.” Two hours later, we ordered pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 379

Meme posting IRL

By fuck off dad, just fuck off k? - 08/07/2026 00:00 - The Netherlands

Today, I excitedly told my parents I was going to India for an exotic vacation in two months. My dad responded with a "DO NOT REDEEM THE VACATION!" reaction in a racist voice while laughing. My mom snorted and fake-chastised him while also laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 300

Running commentary

By The Gabriel - 24/04/2022 10:00

Today, I was making out with some girl at a party and noticed that she wasn't very good at it. I tried to say, "You kiss like a 16 year-old doing it for the first time" but ended up saying, "You kiss like a 16 year-old." Upon saying that, a dozen people turned and looked at me, giving weird looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 168

You deserved it 1 638

Knowledge is power

By Wow, really? - 17/01/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I said that I wasn't expecting someone to say salt made a food sweet. My friend then decided to explain what salt is, a flavor enhancer, and "like when it's on the rim of a Margarita." Really? We're all in college and I'm the only one who keeps their grades up. I know what the fuck salt is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 168

You deserved it 370

Shards

By Anonymous - 17/03/2025 15:00 - United States - Glendale

Today, I was mowing my lawn when I lost control along our lawn borders and ran over one of my neighbor’s many garden gnomes. It exploded into a pile of ceramic. I soon discovered it was a limited edition collector's item when the neighbor came out just in time to see me turning her prized lawn decoration into shards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 168

You deserved it 467

You can't hide forever

By Anonymous - 16/06/2026 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I needed a pee while my dad was painting the bathroom and of course he warned me to not touch the wet paint. I started to pee and for maybe the third time in my whole life I did a two stream piss; one into the bowl and one all over the wet paint. I’m writing this hiding in my treehouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 168

You deserved it 311

Damaged ego

By Anonymous - 30/07/2024 16:00 - India - Ernakulam

Today, I was selected for a big quiz and was teamed with a girl who I have a huge crush on. When we reached the venue, I tried to hop onto the stairs and I faceplanted onto the stairs and nearby event organisers had to come pick me up. After that, I couldn't look her in the eye, nor answer the quiz questions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 168

You deserved it 509

Blasphemy

By Anonymous - 21/09/2025 12:00

Today, while reorganising my very extensive book collection, I found my 16th century Bible had about 15 pages glued together with what I suspect is 30 year-old raspberry jam. My son might be 36 years-old now but he’s going to get it when I see him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 168

You deserved it 383

Beep beep

By Anonymous - 23/11/2025 15:00

Today, my phone auto-connected to my car’s Bluetooth as I drove my boss to a meeting. I didn’t realize my playlist had switched to dramatic telenovela theme music at full volume. She jumped, grabbed the door handle, and asked if I was “OK, like, emotionally?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 168

You deserved it 240

Never go back

By Anonymous - 16/02/2025 00:00 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I'm contemplating messaging my ex. It's been 5 months since I quietly moved on after he started ignoring me, or telling me that he was actually planning a date by asking me if a shirt looked good on him. It did look good on him and he's probably moved on too, while I've spent the last 5 months thinking about him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 168

You deserved it 485

Tips Fedora

By UglyBoi4Lyfe - 28/05/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I had to watch as the girl I love got her heart stomped to pieces once again. She had turned me down because apparently I’m not “her type”. She doesn’t understand that I will worship the ground she walks on, and give her the world and more. Her type must be abusers and cheaters then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 168

You deserved it 1 151

Party time!

By Anonymous - 12/09/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I surprised my friend at their birthday party with a confetti cannon. I pulled the string, expecting colorful joy. Instead, it misfired, launched backwards and smacked me in the forehead. The confetti came out five seconds later, directly onto my dazed head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 168

You deserved it 296

Terminally online

By Older men, ew - 03/03/2026 09:00

Today, a much older guy hit on me with the line, "Hey, Gen Z boss in a mini!" Ew, get away grampa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 168

You deserved it 299

Delete! Delete!

By Anonymous - 20/02/2026 09:00

Today, my husband and I made a sex tape because I thought it sounded fun. After we watched it, I learned I have the ugliest orgasm face I've ever seen. Now I don't want sex ever again because all I can think about is how stupid I look. FML

I agree, your life sucks 168

You deserved it 287

A smoke alarm speaks!

By Anonymous - 11/01/2024 12:00 - United States - Oak Park

Today, I’m so over my boyfriend smoking too many cigarettes, and I hate cigarettes. The smell is just disgusting and plus it makes my nose stuffy. And he gets ashes everywhere. Plus he always leaves his room a mess. Other than him being financially stable and fun, he's such a slob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 784

Don't bite off more than you can chew

By What do I do? - 09/07/2025 15:00 - Germany - Berlin

Today, and for sometime, my husband and I have been discussing owning a home - a house or an apartment or other options. I've always wanted to live in a house, but I'm 100% sure I can't keep up with the chores or keep it clean. An apartment I can manage to clean, but not a house. I told him my vote is for apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 371

Move on

By Anonymous - 27/12/2025 09:00

Today, I bought a guy I’ve liked for months a Christmas present and expressed how much he meant to me. He said, “Lol, thanks.” He then went on a date with another girl. Apparently, being loving and caring towards guys gets you used and rejected. My lover girl era is now over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 554

By PicturePerfect - 02/03/2009 21:33 - Canada

Today, I was walking when a man pointed a camera at me. I got bitchy about it, and said "Did I say you could take a picture?" He replied with, "No, but can you get the fuck out of the way so I can take one of my wife and kids?" I turned around, and they were right behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 1 029

Deluxe Memory Man

By St Steven - 15/04/2023 00:00 - United States

Today, I went grocery shopping but once at the store I realized that I'd forgotten my shopping list at home. I ended up buying a bunch of random items using basic guesswork and forgetting what I had originally gone to the store for. I now have two avocados, even though I hate avocados. FML

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 1 274

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The Top

Today, I dropped my trash into what I thought was a garbage can. My co-workers stared at me like I had just pissed myself. It was a toy collection box for children in foster care. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 941

You deserved it 10 908

Today, after waiting well over a month for a work visa in Germany that should only have taken 3 weeks to come through, I finally received my long-awaited answer. Unfortunately, that answer was "We lost your paperwork." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 742

You deserved it 2 636

Today, my teacher, who's Irish, called me insensitive and stupid for imitating her accent. I'm Filipino and my parents immigrated to Ireland where I was born, and then we moved to Canada when I was 14. Her response to my explanation? "Bullshit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 187

You deserved it 3 047

Today, I got fired from my job as a postman, which I started yesterday. They fired me because I failed to deliver a bunch of papers to a road that no longer exists. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 896

You deserved it 2 521

Today, I was shaving and I sneezed unexpectedly. I ended up cutting myself so badly that I had to go to the emergency room. It wouldn't have been quite so humiliating if I hadn't been forced to show the extremely attractive doctor my sliced open and half shaved crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 116

You deserved it 5 421

Today, exactly two years to the date when I thought my dream had came true when my partner surprised me with a kitten. Except two weeks later we had to give him away because my partner was too anxious about the cat destroying any of his stuff. I'm still heartbroken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 126

You deserved it 215