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The all-time greatest FMLs

Doodoo

By not Sesame Street! - 28/10/2023 20:00

Today, I still get irrationally angry and distracted when my teacher refers to bodily functions as “poop, pee, number 1 & 2, etc.” and calls things icky. I’m literally in nursing school with an instructor who talks like Elmo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 168

Runs in the family

By Anonymous - 12/03/2025 12:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, my now ex sent his mommy to come get his shit outta my house after we split. I had to physically restrain myself from choking the bitch after she said it was my fault he cheated, and got someone else pregnant, because I “should’ve paid more attention to him.” Fuck her and him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 168

Let's offroad!

By Anonymous - 07/12/2023 15:00 - Australia

Today, my GPS led me to a "shortcut" that took me through a winding dirt road in the middle of nowhere. My car got stuck in the mud, and the tow truck driver told me I was the third person he's pulled out this week from the same "shortcut." FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 179

Sneaky wank

By Anonymous - 06/09/2023 08:00 - France - Paris

Today, my dad came to my room to tell me he’s going to take a nap and didn't want to be disturbed. About 5 minutes later, my speaker started broadcasting the moaning voice of a woman clearly having sex. He's never borrowing my Bluetooth speaker ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 106

Wait for me!

By Anonymous - 06/04/2024 20:00 - United States - Marshfield

Today, my husband has recently discovered prostate play. He is now using my sextoys to pleasure himself and not telling me until after. He doesn't see the problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 193

Overly attached girlfriend flashback

By girlonthe19thfloor - 03/09/2022 23:30

Today, my boyfriend got hired as a customer service agent at an airline. I'm full of anxiety ever since, because he has a cheating past. I then find out he has to fly out to Texas for two weeks training, and to top it off its all girls in his team. I don't want him to wanna go join them for city exploring, or food and drinks. He’s mad at me for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 2 252

By Anonyme - 26/09/2014 06:56 - France - Saint-di

Today, my husband felt dishonoured: his darling little girl, the love of his life, whom he's always considered pure, turns out to be pregnant. He's now warned her: she's grounded and that whoever did this to her had better not come hanging round the house. Pussy, two years old, is now housebound until her kittens are born. FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 72

Surprise!

By Anonymous - 22/06/2025 20:00 - United States - Altoona

Today, after my girlfriend had said she was cooking surprise dinner for me this week, the crazy thing is I came home early from work and the surprise dinner was she was eating some dude's cock and balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 123

Be careful what you wish for

By FoxyFlower - 16/04/2023 03:00 - United States - Lake Butler

Today, my husband found my diary in which I talked about inviting another man into our bedroom. He left for a while and came back with a friend of his. My fantasy may become reality but I'm terrified what it will do to our relationship. I put them off for now, but I don't know what to do. He's all for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 2 104

What would you do?

By Lisania - 11/01/2026 03:00

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I'd trusted that he and his ex were “co-parenting” a dog that he and his ex adopted while they were together and nothing more was happening. His ex is pregnant and he’s the father. He insists that he doesn’t love her anymore and it was a “mistake.” He wants me to take him back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 105

Make it stop

By Ow ow owwww - 15/08/2023 14:00 - United States

Today, I have what is probably a cold sore on my upper lip. I also have a mustache, which keeps rubbing against it. Because of this, no matter what I do, it stings. The next few days are fixing to be very, very long and miserable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 193

Never enough, never

By Viscerion - 26/05/2025 15:00 - Japan - Chiyoda-ku

Today, I handed over to my wife a new PC I had just built for her. She's now not talking to me, as I had been completely selfish and hadn't thought of her, all because I did not preinstall Google Chrome or move the Windows 11 start menu to the left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 89

Mind the handbrake!

By Anonymous - 07/09/2021 11:01

Today, I've been loyal to my wife for almost 25 years then I randomly bumped into my high school sweetheart, sparks flew like when we were teenagers, and less than an hour later we were having sex in her car. I feel like such scum. What the hell is wrong with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 8 721

Thanks you for your service

By Anonymous - 30/11/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I’ve been threatened with a lawsuit for refusing to treat a patient. I had to refuse her because she brought a huge hairy dog with her that she falsely claimed was her service animal. Not only am I deathly allergic to dogs, the damn thing shat in my waiting room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 100

Bitch better have my money

By Anonymous - 30/05/2025 09:00

Today, a customer has been tanking my business online, claiming I’m a fraud and stole her money. She ordered a painted copy of one of her wedding photos and was mad she couldn’t pick it up that same afternoon. Do you have any idea how long portraits take to paint? Longer than two hours I can tell you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 59

Revenge is rarely satisfactory

By forgettable - 21/06/2020 20:08

Today, I wanted to rub my success in my ex's face to get her back for breaking my heart. I typed the perfect email, included every detail of opening my own business, buying my own home and cleverly intertwined insults. A few hours later, she replied, "That’s nice. Who’s this?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 4 066

Snitches

By Anonymous - 10/12/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, my nosey louse of a coworker went to HR and told them I was snorting drugs at my desk. I was using nasal saline, as the dry winter weather wreaks havoc on my sinuses. The fact that they even brought me in pisses me off beyond words. FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 96

Horny

By Anonymous - 11/01/2022 14:02

Today, it’s been so long since I got laid, I got turned on by a knothole in a tree trunk because it looked a lot like a woman’s downstairs area. FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 1 143

Nice guy self-reporting

By Gamaliel - 27/06/2021 22:01

Today, I saw the girl I've had a crush on since forever go on another Facebook rant talking about, “All men are the same!” She does this every time she gets her heart broken by some jerk. I’ve been trying to get with her for about 6 years, and she’s yet to give me the time of day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 556

You deserved it 2 299

Harsh

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 16:59

Today, while talking to the girl I have a crush on, I bragged how people tell me I have a voice for radio. She responded, "And the face for it too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 556

You deserved it 831

Can't cope

By Anonymous - 18/05/2026 00:00 - United States

Today, all of my friends and family have ostracized me, and no one is willing to talk to me about anything, because I gave my baby up for adoption after my husband died. Nobody understands that I'm not cut out to be a single mom. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 556

You deserved it 269

The season of the witch

By Anonymous - 22/10/2023 10:00 - Belgium - Charleroi

Today, a little girl and her mother stopped in front of my window to look at the witch I'd put there as a Halloween decoration. The little girl was smiling, so I lifted the curtain and smiled at her. When she saw me, she started to cry, and ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 556

You deserved it 207

Controlling dickwad

By Anonymous - 29/03/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, while I was stuck in traffic, I got a nasty call from my boss, demanding to know why I hadn't set up a demo site for a client. I'd never gotten the request, and even if I had, I couldn't do it because I was in traffic. The exchange humiliated him on a conference call with the client, so he wrote me up out of spite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 556

You deserved it 112

BUT MAH RIGHTS! USA!

By Anonymous - 06/02/2025 12:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I once again had to explain to yet another student up for expulsion that hate speech, slurs, threats, and sexual harassment are NOT “protected by their first amendment rights.” How these idiots even got into college is beyond me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 556

You deserved it 148

Kiss me

By Anonymous - 16/01/2024 00:00 - United States - Wolfeboro

Today, my boyfriend refused to give me a kiss because he thinks I flirt with his cousin. I make small talk with him because my boyfriend is always leaving me alone with said cousin. I’m not attracted to him in the least. FML

I agree, your life sucks 556

You deserved it 110

Do not disturb

By Anonymous - 03/07/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I have such chronic back pain that I can usually never get comfortable, but I found the perfect position to lie in bed, and was nearly 100% pain free. I felt so good. Someone knocked on the door, so I had to answer it. They'd got the wrong house number. I couldn’t find that perfect position again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 556

You deserved it 123

What?

By IHaveThePower - 18/01/2024 00:00 - United States - Carson City

Today, like every day since birth, I have a sensory processing disorder that stops me hearing things properly. It's worse with accents. I live in the Southwest and I can't understand anyone's spanish accent. I'm not racist, I swear; I'm just disabled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 556

You deserved it 116

Bad guy

By Anonymous - 07/05/2025 00:00

Today, my father got drunk and became crazy. He just kept talking nonsense and swaying while walking. It seemed like he was going to vomit. I hate him being like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 555

You deserved it 84

Olde timey reddish flagge

By Red flag? - 22/09/2025 15:00

Today, I was all set to attend my first renaissance faire ever. I took forever customizing the perfect costume and I couldn’t wait. My boyfriend on the other hand was pissed that it was too revealing, so he left me standing at the front gate, refused to give me my ticket, and went in without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 555

You deserved it 105

Dumbass

By Anonymous - 31/08/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom - Castleford

Today, my son tried my great-grandad's 90 year-old whiskey, didn’t like it, and poured it all down the sink. When I confronted him, he confidently told me it was nasty and must have expired, so he did me a favour and poured it away and washed the bottle. I had to walk away and remind myself I love him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 555

You deserved it 127

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The Top

Today, I had to appear in court. My boyfriend gave me a chocolate to eat for comfort. The quote on the wrapper read "Today, you are exactly where you should be." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 097

You deserved it 6 544

Today, my boyfriend and I made love for the first time. Before we left his house so he could walk me home, I fixed my hair by the hall mirror and joked about having serious sex hair. My boyfriend quickly reminded me that his incredibly religious mother was in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 121

You deserved it 37 449

Today, I accidentally left the handbrake off in my car, got out, locked it, and started walking away. Then I heard a loud noise and looked over my shoulder and the car was gone. Of course, it hit the only other car parked in the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 500

You deserved it 974

Today, one of my closest friends is an antivaxxer. Neither I nor my family are guaranteed to survive Covid, even though we are vaccinated, and I just can't understand why she will not get the jab when she knows so many people have died from Covid, while only a handful have died from the vax DUE TO COMPLICATIONS, and now she may hate me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 891

Today, my pill-popping mom, committing disability fraud and stealing from me, called the cops on me, and dragged the landlord into it, is now getting both of us evicted. All this because she'd rather live homeless with her drug problem than to get the help she needs, which I can't provide anymore after 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 140

You deserved it 116

Today, like many other days, I got up to make breakfast before dawn. Not wanting to waste food, I took apart a chicken that looked fine, cutting away some of the breast for a burrito, only to realize after I ate it and went to throw out the bony bits, it was completely moldy underneath. Penicillin, anyone? FML

I agree, your life sucks 318

You deserved it 183