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Resting bitch face

By Emily - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to explain to this really intimidating girl that I wasn't giving her a dirty look, and that it was just my face at rest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 666

You deserved it 3 066

Let's go for a walk

By jonloran - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Incline Village

Today, my friend and I were getting picked up by his dad after a carnival. As I put my stuff in the back of the car and shut the door to walk around to get in the other side, his dad drove off, thinking I was in the car, leaving me to walk up their hill. It was midnight and I ended up lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 166

You deserved it 2 350

Are you kidding me?

By Stinky. - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Chicago

Today, my boyfriend was complaining about how we never see the movies he wants to see. So I took him to the movies, and he picked which one. Then he fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 013

You deserved it 2 803

Ouchies

By bucktooth - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, while enjoying breakfast, my teeth took a chunk out of my cheek. This happens regularly, even when I'm talking. Both my doctor and dentist have no idea why, and I'm in utter agony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 750

You deserved it 2 718

Dissed

By Nick - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Philippines

Today, I laughed at a joke and it literally took me a minute to realize that it was me they were making fun of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 723

You deserved it 21 803

Confused

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Niles

Today, my mother had to ask me when my birthday was, because she gets it confused with the day she bought our old car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 240

You deserved it 1 751

Thanks…

By Emily - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, a man was struggling up some slippery steps with a pram when his sunglasses fell from his head. I hurried to pick them up for him, as he had no free hands, but instead accidentally stood on them, snapping them in half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 605

You deserved it 17 080

Teamwork

By Jorgen - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, at my workplace, $200 checks were given to every employee for how well the corporation was doing. The temps didn't get any. Guess who was the only temp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 136

You deserved it 2 403

Higher standard

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, my mother described what her ideal daughter-in-law should be like. Halfway through her description, fishing for some compliments, I told her that such a girl would be way above my league. She sighed and emphatically agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 859

You deserved it 9 850

Harsh but fair

By Shianna - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Holden

Today, my son was fired from his new job, which was going to support us since I recently lost mine. His excuse was, "Conflict of interest." He was a mascot for a fast-food restaurant and refused to dance around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 324

You deserved it 13 850

Read the room

By IsThisRealLife - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up with an extremely irritable rash around my crotch. I didn't want to full out itch it by putting my hands down my pants, so I itched it by putting my hand in my pockets. I got kicked off the train for "pleasuring myself in public." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 150

You deserved it 6 040

Are we nearly there?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I'm travelling across the country with my family. My grandma thought it would be a good idea to take her shoes off. It's been 5 minutes and my eyes are watering from the stench. We still have over 200 miles left until we get home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 291

You deserved it 1 629

Drowning

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - San Antonio

Today, I'm neck-deep in debt paying for med school. What's worse, the professors here are so terrible that even the morons on Yahoo Answers are 100 times better at explaining my coursework to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 415

You deserved it 2 040

Wild mood swings

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, my boyfriend, who is supposed to protect me from murderers and rapists, had an emotional breakdown because he was so excited that I'd cooked french fries for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 080

You deserved it 28 336

Coulda, shoulda, woulda

By DeathbyWording - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Vernon

Today, my doctor said I "might" have an enlarged heart and an irregular heartbeat. It "could" be seriously life-threatening and I "should" go to a specialist for further tests. My insurance refuses to cover my consultation with the specialist because the doctor's wording is too uncertain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 797

You deserved it 1 355

Caught in a lie

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I posted my status on Facebook as "slightly hungover." My grandma commented on it with, "Liar, you were helping me clean last night." She's right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 454

You deserved it 70 694

Too late

By John W. - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was driving my eight year-old son to school when a guy cut me off, prompting me to yell "Douche bag!" as a reflex out of the window. Realizing my mistake, I turned to my son and told him to never, ever talk like that. His response was, "Too late, douche bag." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 740

You deserved it 47 420

Party time!

By revalc - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I'm having my housewarming party and had prepared food, drink, and games for all the 19 confirmed guests on Facebook. I waited till 11, but nobody showed up. I checked Facebook again and realized I had accidentally put tomorrow as the party date. I have to work the whole day tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 712

You deserved it 52 268

Cold feet

By TheaterMom - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Germany

Today, after two months of rehearsals, an actor in my theater company decided he was unhappy with the role I gave him, so he refuses to perform. We open tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 521

You deserved it 1 015

Squits

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my dad told me to knock it off with my "stupid gangster walk", saying it made me look like an idiot. I didn't have the balls to admit I'd sharted my pants and was awkwardly waddling to the bathroom to clean myself up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 117

You deserved it 2 362

Time for a freakout

By Meg - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was on the elevator at work. As it descended, a roach started scurrying about around my feet. I freaked out and started screaming, hitting the panic button without thinking. Now I'm facing a hefty fine for using the panic button when there wasn't a "real" emergency. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 449

You deserved it 44 097

Sunny day

By CasperTheFriendlyGhost - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was told to rub in my sunscreen because I looked like a ghost. I wasn't wearing any. I'm just that white. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 986

You deserved it 1 379

Deluxe Memory Man

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I saw a cute girl at a bar and decided to go and chat her up. After charming her with my usual crap for a while, I told her she was really pretty, and asked for her number. She replied, "You asshole, I met you here a year ago and gave you my number, and you never called me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 241

You deserved it 124 993

Karma

By fml - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I let my dogs out, and then realized they didn't have their electric fence collars on. I ran inside to get the collars, then dashed out to put them on my dogs. I ran through the electric fence. The collars were on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 888

You deserved it 41 217

To make an omelette

By EggyBum - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was putting groceries into my car, and I put the eggs on the driver's seat while I arranged my other bags. I was frustrated because the dome light was acting up, which drives me crazy. Once I got everything in, I crankily plopped into the car. I had never moved the eggs off my seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 253

You deserved it 30 947

Use your head

By Jocelyn - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I was walking home, when I realized I didn't have my phone on me. After retracing my steps, I realized that I'd been listening to music from my phone the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 729

You deserved it 31 095

Horny dudes

By Fonz - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was driving home from college when I saw a couple of sporty chicks jogging on the side of the road. I honked at them and yelled suggestively as I do at college, which usually gets a fun flirty reaction from college girls. It was my next-door neighbor and her 11 year old daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 553

You deserved it 57 497

Cats 4 life

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I came home to yet another kitten. My girlfriend swore to me this would never happen again. When I reminded her of her promise, she told me the kitten will be staying, and she wants me to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 271

You deserved it 1 273

Dick move

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I had to take my husband to the hospital because he thought it would be funny to Superglue googly eyes to his dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 422

You deserved it 379

Shame

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I was so disgusted by my own body, I took a shower in the dark so I wouldn't have to look at myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 125

You deserved it 682

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The Top

Today, my mom sold my Magic box at a garage sale because I "never use it." Locked inside it was my fake ID, a couple of hundred bucks, and a bag of weed. She can't remember who she sold it to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 143

You deserved it 36 937

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate, and I gave her a condom to put on me. She tried to open it with her teeth, but ripped it. That was my only condom. I'm now sitting here watching a soap opera with a boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 585

You deserved it 11 553

Today, I had to confront my boyfriend after finding a girl's phone number next to my bed. He said I was over reacting. When I told him it was over, he asked for the number back so he could call her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 667

You deserved it 9 101

Today, while out shopping, a middle aged man snatched my sunglasses off my face, threw them off the ground, and stomped on them, saying, "That’s what you get for trying to look cool, asshole!" I suffer from light-induced migraines. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 505

You deserved it 163

Today, I thought a spider had fallen on me, so I wounded up accidentally punching myself. Twice. I hate nose bleeds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340

You deserved it 709

Today, it’s been four months since my cheating ex-girlfriend dumped me for someone else’s dick. She was offered a monthly six figure OnlyFans contract. Since then she’s been living life care-free while I struggle to pick up the pieces. Back to being single and still working my ass off to be broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 645

You deserved it 160