The Top · The all-time greatest FMLs

Anonymous · 31 March 2022, 06:00 ·Morganville, United States

Hack

Today, my friends and I were feeling nostalgic and decided to listen to some of Dane Cook's old stuff. We got to "The Friend Nobody Likes" and I commented that I'm glad we don't have a person like that in our group. This was followed by a very awkward silence, and someone suggesting we listen to something else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 182 You deserved it 241

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sigh... · 21 December 2024, 09:00 ·Toronto, Canada

Ain't no way

Today, my mom offered to drive us into the city after Christmas. I told her months ago that I wasn't getting in a car she was driving, because I don't trust her not to secretly drink and drive. I guess she either forgot or didn't think I meant it. Now I have to tell her again, two days before flying down there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 415 You deserved it 96

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Anonymous · 26 December 2024, 09:00 ·Malacca, Malaysia

Traditional Christmas trimmings

Today, the most Xmas drink I had was a mug of mocha. The most un-Xmas food I had was vegetarian fried rice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137 You deserved it 347

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Kiera Ayala · 8 June 2019, 12:00

Book it!

Today, I got into bed as my cat crept under it. I then heard him gagging, so I instantly got back up to get him out, because my floor is carpeted. As I pulled him into the hall, he flew upwards, made a horrific "Blagh!" sound, projectile vomited everywhere, then hit the wall and ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 625 You deserved it 328

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Anonymous · 10 August 2026, 22:00 ·United Kingdom

Paper thin

Today, I got home with stomach pain and immediately did a 10 second long farting, splattering, spluttering shit into the toilet. Now I know the walls are thin in my flat, but I wasn’t expecting the hot guy next door to say to me through the wall, “Jesus, are you alright in there?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 411 You deserved it 102

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Rowyn · 4 January 2025, 09:00 ·Colorado Springs, United States

Unreasonable

Today, my family got mad at me and called me a "selfish" for not moving to the same state they’re in while I was visiting, so they could be closer to my kid. We were living in the same house as them until two years ago, in my current state, until they decided to move with only a month's notice for me to find a new place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 556 You deserved it 82

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Anonymous · 23 April 2022, 14:00

Lonely, so lonely…

Today, as I watched my male and female dogs frolic, play, and lick each other, it occurred to me there's more love and romance between them than I have ever had in my whole damned life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 797 You deserved it 182

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Tenant · 18 August 2026, 22:00 ·Quebec, Canada

Busted grid

Today, my cat knocked my phone into the bathtub. I grabbed it, dried it, and put it on the charger without thinking. Five minutes later, the bathroom lights went out and my landlord texted me asking why the fuses had tripped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 You deserved it 423

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Anonymous · 8 August 2023, 04:00

Hot or not

Today, my friend sent me a weird selfie in black and white. I sent one back, and she said I looked like an 80s porn star. It was funny, but then three of my friends had the same reaction. I didn't even look good in the picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 575 You deserved it 200

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Anonymous · 15 January 2025, 12:00 ·Barnaul, Russia

Content brainrot

Today, I was going to the cinema when a motorcyclist was hit at an intersection. I wanted to find out how he was, but I couldn't get through the crowd with their phones out. Fuck, people, what's wrong with you? You're going to die like this, and they're just going to film you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 454 You deserved it 115

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Anonymous · 24 August 2026, 15:00 ·Canada

Let me in

Today, I locked myself out while taking the trash downstairs. I was wearing pajamas, slippers, and a winter coat over nothing else. My neighbor offered to help, then spent ten minutes trying not to laugh while I explained that my keys were sitting on the kitchen counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123 You deserved it 246

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Anonymous · 8 September 2026, 09:00 ·United Kingdom

Shouldn't you be at the ER?

Today, I finally gave in and agreed to try holding my girlfriend's pet tarantula. The moment I did, it bit me. According to her she’s had him 4 years and he’s never so much as nipped her, never mind a full bite. Lucky me. My hand is twice the normal size and I can feel my heartbeat in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361 You deserved it 70

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Anonymous · 3 February 2025, 00:00 ·New York, United States

The truth of the matter

Today, I found out that the high school program that I was forced into, which kept me in school until I turned 21, was caused by my mom. She put me in the program without telling me and when I first learned about it, she pretended not to know anything so I wouldn't be mad at her. That was 10 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 515 You deserved it 120

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Anonymous · 5 February 2025, 15:00 ·Warren, United States

On my butt

Today, I slipped on a patch of ice I couldn't see, spilling the groceries I was carrying everywhere. Strangely, despite landing on my left knee, I didn't get a bruise there; my left butt cheek hurt though. Apparently, falling forward can still have you pull muscles. I pulled a butt cheek muscle slipping on ice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391 You deserved it 85

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Anonymous · 31 May 2022, 16:00 ·United States

Face the facts

Today, I called off my engagement with my now ex-girlfriend. Yesterday, while drunk at a get-together with all our friends, she admitted she's still in love with her best friend, and only went out with me to forget about him, but is still pining for him anyway. She doesn't understand why that factoid might upset me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 860 You deserved it 140

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Anonymous · 19 September 2026, 03:00 ·United Kingdom

Kneading you

Today, after I foolishly agreed to look after my mom's cat while she went on holiday, I woke up with her on my chest, and she must've been making biscuits on me in her sleep for hours because one of my boobs looks like it had an infectious skin disease that I tried to cut off with a grinder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 259 You deserved it 78

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Anonymous · 12 February 2025, 09:00 ·Melbourne, Australia

How many cans did I have last night?

Today, as I peeled a now soggy Band-Aid off my finger, I discovered that in the dim light of yesterday evening, I had, with great anxiety, wrapped it around the wrong finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 129 You deserved it 440

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Why am I still in this relationship? · 14 February 2025, 15:00 ·Toronto, Canada

Watch out!

Today, we had an ice storm. My fiancée went out to look at the damage and yelled at me when I warned her to be safe. As she was walking around, she almost got nailed by a falling branch. Now she's mad at me. I don't know why either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 475 You deserved it 88

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bill · 21 February 2025, 03:00 ·San Diego, United States

Paper day

Today, it's mine and wife's one-year anniversary. After only being married for a year, I quickly understood what her father really meant when he said, "Your problem now" and chuckled at our wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436 You deserved it 154

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Yudith · 9 September 2023, 10:00 ·London, Canada

Explain it like I'm 5

Today, the janitor and I both had to tell a tenant that his upstairs neighbor cannot push gas into his air vent to constipate him, as that's not how gas, the human body, or our ventilation system, work. We told him repeatedly that he needed to see a doctor. About his constipation. He still wasn't sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700 You deserved it 106

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ChloeLuvzAnime · 30 March 2021, 17:01 🌶️ Spicy

Slicy slicy

Today, I got the courage to surprise my boyfriend by shaving my pubic region. To my agonizingly painful dismay, the razor sliced through an apparent zit on one of my lips. Now my vagina is bleeding for a whole different reason, and I'm possibly traumatized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 144 You deserved it 290

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Anonymous · 4 October 2026, 22:00 ·San Jose, United States

Coinkidink?

Today, I brought my new girlfriend home for dinner. My mom was being unusually quiet, so I thought she was trying to be polite. After dinner, she pulled me aside and asked why I'd never mentioned that my girlfriend had dated my brother. Apparently everyone knew except me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 442 You deserved it 99

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Jennifer · 28 February 2025, 20:00 ·Australia

Breakout

Today, I had a job interview. The night before, I'd noticed a small pimple forming on my chin and did everything I could to make it go away. During the interview, I couldn’t focus on anything except the giant pimple that had sprouted on my forehead. I spent the entire time trying to keep my fringe in front of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 312 You deserved it 138

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I hate myself · 2 March 2025, 22:00 ·United States

Perfect performance

Today, I walked into a café for the first time, and as I opened the door, I slammed it into the face of a poor barista. Embarrassed, I tried to apologize while holding the door open for a woman behind me, only to have my hand slip and the door crash into her as well. I then stood there, frozen, as both of them just stared at me as I apologized with, "I swear I'm not a moron." FML

I agree, your life sucks 402 You deserved it 117

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Bullshit! · 9 October 2026, 22:00 ·Romania 🌶️ Spicy

Can't get no satisfaction

Today, when my wife is ovulating, she is wild, horny, and nearly insatiable. So of course for the last four months, our work schedules have overlapped to give us absolutely no free time together during that magical week. I just got my next few weeks of schedule… and make that five months! FML

I agree, your life sucks 190 You deserved it 62

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Anonymous · 18 October 2026, 03:00 ·Seattle, United States

Whiff this

Today, I was in music class and I was reaching for the pen I'd dropped, I tilted myself, gripping my left hand on the table, and the person beside me pulled my arm for some reason, and my face fell into their lap. Right on the crotch. It reeked of sweat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 295 You deserved it 53

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Anonymous · 10 April 2021, 00:30

Home to roost

Today, I found out that my mother has been telling several people that my fiancé and I will be moving into her house for the foreseeable future. All because we're moving to a city close by for jobs and are still searching for housing. I found this out from several of the people she told. FML

I agree, your life sucks 910 You deserved it 140

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Not Brenda · 15 March 2025, 22:00 ·London, United Kingdom

Brenda and me

Today, I was venting to a friend over Whatsapp about my annoying coworker when I realised I'd sent it to said coworker (always check which chat you are in while typing). I'd said, "I’m convinced Brenda is either possessed or just doesn't know how to be a normal human." I deleted it, but it was too late, as she replied with a smiley emoji and, “Can I help with anything, asshole?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 You deserved it 722

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Anonymous · 19 March 2025, 03:00 ·United States

Help!

Today, I went about pet-proofing my house because my new kitten is exploring every nook and cranny. I locked up everything dangerous. Then, while trying to put a safety lock on the pantry/cold room, I managed to lock myself inside. I had to yell for my roommate to let me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 198 You deserved it 388

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Anonymous · 25 October 2026, 12:00 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

Cheating season

Today, I found out the hard way that my girlfriend has been banging half the cast we made friends with at the traveling renaissance festival. I thought they were just being nice by gifting us season passes and random activities. I guess she was paying them in other ways. FML

I agree, your life sucks 213 You deserved it 63

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