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The 5%

By Anonymous - 20/05/2022 10:00

Today, my office has decided to make our working from home a permanent thing for 95% of our staff so they can rent a much smaller office space. Guess who’s one of the 5% who has to drag himself out of bed, just to be a warm body at the office in case something comes up requiring a man on site… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 073

You deserved it 145

I blame the parents

By Anonymous - 28/12/2024 12:00 - New Zealand - Lower Hutt

Today, I picked up my idiot 20 year-old son from a party. He was shit-faced drunk and managed to drop his vape out the window as I was driving. He tried to open the door of the moving car to get out and look for it, and I had to grab him and pull him back in. Legally, this moron is an adult. FML

I agree, your life sucks 466

You deserved it 206

The odds

By Anonymous - 09/06/2019 16:11

Today, my sister and I were sick of living with each other, so we'd decided to go on separate holidays. I get to my hotel, then an hour later she rocks up to the very same hotel to check in. She'd booked her holiday using a magazine she'd stolen from my room, and ended up in the exact same place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 152

You deserved it 298

Sophie's choice

By MyBaby - 08/04/2022 12:00 - United States - Kula

Today, I'm so excited and can't wait to join work after my maternity break, but the thought of being away from my baby is just killing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 904

You deserved it 315

Coupon time!

By 2 Accommodating - 06/08/2023 04:00

Today, my wife crushed my cell phone with a heavy plate. She offered to pay for it in sex, which I eagerly accepted. When I asked her for “a downpayment” an hour later, she looked at me like she’d accommodated this arrangement for far too long already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 553

You deserved it 158

"Destroy me completely, then throw me away"

By calcstudent101 - 25/02/2021 11:03 - United States

Today, I was just beginning a calculus exam when my brain thought it was a good time to get stuck on the song "Close Every Door" from Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. Now that the exam is over, I'm afraid that I can foresee the future through song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 650

You deserved it 170

The Devil's lettuce

By Anonymous - 10/08/2023 00:02

Today, my friend went to go pick up some weed from her dealer. That same day her parents were searching her room, so guess who posted it through my letterbox so their parents wouldn’t find it. Unfortunately, my very religious parents found it and now think I'm being directed by Satan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744

You deserved it 224

Dream lover

By not today satan - 14/01/2025 09:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I went on a date with a guy I've been flirting with at work. Some coworkers had discreetly warned me about him, but I thought he was cute. We get to the date, and after an hour of small talk, he spent the next two hours trying to get me to invest in his crypto coin thing that "is definitely going to be huge." FML

I agree, your life sucks 228

You deserved it 496

Thanks guys

By Anonymous - 03/03/2021 21:30 - United States - Alexandria

Today I was offered an opportunity on Instagram from a local lady to take photos of her home for her. I told my friends, because I was shocked. They were shocked too. But in the nicest terms possible, they were shocked because my Instagram "isn’t really professional enough to get such offers." Ouch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 816

You deserved it 178

Introverts! Hide!

By ??? - 17/01/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, I was home alone when the doorbell rang. I panicked and hid under the table because I wasn’t expecting anyone and I have minor social anxiety. It was just Amazon dropping off a package. I made eye contact with the delivery guy through the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 157

You deserved it 493

Mixed signals

By Anonymous - 14/08/2023 04:00 - Morocco

Today, a friend and I tell each other everything about our relationships, and we’ve been flirting for two years, but we’re not together. I started to have feelings for him, but I didn’t say anything, then the guy started to disappear and I don't know if he has an avoidant attachment, or he's just ignoring me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 389

You deserved it 517

Entitled parents

By Anonymous - 20/01/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, I’m being painted as some monster for sticking my horrible parents in a home. Funny, none of the family members castigating me are willing to let my awful parents move in with them and ruin their lives, yet I’m supposed to make room for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 592

You deserved it 107

Slicing up eyeballs

By Anonymous - 28/05/2022 02:00

Today, I got up at 2 a.m. to pee. Searing pain stabbed my eye as soon as I opened it. I spent the next 30 min in agony, tears, and snot pouring down my face, trying to find the eyelash in my dry eye. Instead, I pulled a 2-inch long, invisible white, crinkly hair from my dog's undercoat out of my eye. SO. MUCH. PAIN. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 140

You deserved it 187

No means no, Deborah

By Anonymous - 15/08/2023 22:00 - United States - Lafayette

Today, it's my birthday. A month ago, I'd told everyone I invited to my party that it was going to be adults only. One of my friends brought her kids with her anyway, then started screaming and trashing the place when I politely asked her to leave. The cops had to be called to finally get her out of my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 133

You deserved it 119

Check every nook and cranny

By Menacing_Rascal - 17/08/2023 08:00

Today, while barbecuing, I noticed a small black baby spider crawling on my shirt. Then I felt another one crawling on the back of my neck. I still don't know if there were more than two baby spiders on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 558

You deserved it 115

In the zone

By Anonymous - 20/08/2023 20:00

Today, my wife was painting in the garage when she unplugged a random plug to charge her stupid, smelly vape without thinking about what it was she was unplugging. It was the large chest freezer. About £500 in meat and the entire bottom tier of our wedding cake defrosted and ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 159

Seven against one

By Anonymous - 29/01/2025 12:00 - United Kingdom - Lerwick

Today, I am living a nightmare. My mother is now friends with my wife and my mother-in-law, plus my sister is now friends with my wife’s sisters. All that needs to happen now is they all get together in the same room and my life will be over; it will be a 7 on 1 massacre, and I’ll be the 1. FML

I agree, your life sucks 193

You deserved it 487

Great night out

By Boyufd - 02/05/2022 04:00

Today, I had an amazing date with my girlfriend. Everything was going great, until I locked my keys in the car. It then started raining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 824

You deserved it 200

Maybe take the bus today?

By Lol - 10/02/2025 00:00 - United States - Toledo

Today, I got into my car, started the engine, and started driving… only to realize my car was making a weird noise. Panic set in until I realized I was still in my driveway. The weird noise? The gate that I forgot to open, along with a trash can. FM

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 537

Frozen 3

By Anonymous - 23/07/2019 12:00 - United States

Today, as I was putting groceries away, I went to open my freezer door which randomly gets stuck by giving it a good tug, and a frozen hamburger fell on my right foot. My right foot, which is currently healing from a sprain I got a couple days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 210

You deserved it 210

Great minds think alike

By Anonymous - 19/02/2025 03:00 - Sweden - Lidingoe

Today, I came in to work to hand in my resignation. The minute I walked in, my manager took me aside and said he wanted to talk to me in private. He then cancelled my position and fired me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 480

You deserved it 97

Dumbass

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, we were having a little bonfire. At some point, while I was inside, my stupid roommate filled a beer can with lighter fluid and threw it in the fire, resulting in it spewing 5-foot flames, catching the pile of wood and the chair next to it on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 006

You deserved it 255

Breakfast innuendo

By Anonymous - 31/03/2021 00:30 - Canada - Kamloops

Today, I went to get a banana for breakfast and said to my mom, with whom I currently live at age 32 because of Covid, that I don't normally eat bananas, but it looked good. She looked at me and said, "You clearly need to get yourself a man." She's right, but jeez! Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 013

You deserved it 263

Misophonist or misogynist?

By Knot in my throat - 12/09/2023 00:02

Today, my boyfriend said to me, in front of his friends, “Can you stop breaking out into song all the time? It’s getting really annoying.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 305

You deserved it 898

Nervous wreck

By jumpy - 14/09/2023 04:00

Today, I was literally startled by my own shadow. I hate having anxiety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 165

As a treat

By CrumblGirl - 06/03/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, I bought myself a Crumbl cookie as a treat for losing 20lbs. Upon seeing it, my mom screamed at me for cheating on my diet and how I was going to "gain all the weight back" and insisted she eat some of it to "help me out." She left behind a tiny morsel of the cookie with a chocolate chip chunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 471

You deserved it 149

Good timing

By Business Mom - 09/03/2025 09:00 - United States - Dallas

Today, I was on a Zoom call with my boss and a client, discussing a new project. My toddler burst into the room and screamed, “Mommy, I shitted in the bathtub!” The camera was on, and I just froze, while my boss tried to hold in his laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 158

This needs an explanation

By Anonymous - 25/06/2022 06:00

Today, I sent an email to several coworkers about an "incident" I had just created, asking them to look into it. It wasn't until one of them responded that I discovered that instead of "incident" I had typed "incest." I wish I could say this was a typo or autocorrect, but it was more a Freudian slip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 911

The Ministry of Silly Walks

By Anonymous - 07/06/2022 14:00 - Canada

Today, I was crossing the street and did a full on faceplant. The reason? I pinched a nerve in my foot a couple of days ago, and now it’s completely useless. It’s like walking around with a dead foot. I think I’d be better off hopping on one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 833

You deserved it 134

Trust

By No, I've never cheated - 20/03/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, I found out just how bad my boyfriend's trust issues are, thanks to him being cheated on in the past. He actually had the nerve to ask his 6 year-old son if I had any other men come over while he was at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 470

You deserved it 135

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I woke up and found a turd casually sitting in the bathroom sink. Just 9 more months left on this lease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 474

You deserved it 816

Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 204

You deserved it 3 385

Today, I took my cat to the vet. The creepy vet looked me in the eyes and said, "This isn't the only pussy I'll be checking out today." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 340

You deserved it 4 152

Today, after sacrificing multiple weekends to help my kid brother with his various projects, I asked him to help me with one of mine. He nearly blew up at the thought of losing an evening of his free time on a simple task, so I postponed it to later, which means never. FML

I agree, your life sucks 940

You deserved it 125

Today, I ran into someone I'd never had a crush on in school, but because I've realised we have a lot in common, I get nervous whenever I see him. I was so near to him while paying for food that I had an anxiety attack, and had to leave quickly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 310

Today, I was lectured by my mom who saw me trying to play on my Switch during a weekday. The thing is, she doesn't even give me any time to play in the week, and then calls me out whenever I try to get a few decent hours on my Meta Quest and Switch during the weekends. Stop dictating me; give me a goddamn break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 506

You deserved it 450