The Top · The all-time greatest FMLs

Antisocial, I guess · 23 November 2022, 04:00 ·United States

Leave me alone

Today, I got yelled at for having a set of headphones around my neck at all times, because it "makes me seem disinterested." Two things: 1. I have established myself as a very good listener among my peers; 2. I'm autistic, so I need the headphones readily available at all times to cope with loud environments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891 You deserved it 146

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Anonymous · 29 August 2021, 11:01

Roofed

Today, a tile slid off the roof and knocked me out as I was fetching my mail. Apparently, I lay there for a while with the wind blowing my dressing gown up, flashing my bare ass to the neighbourhood. People took pictures, but no one thought to check I was alive, not even my kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 549 You deserved it 124

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ToxynneFlute · 5 September 2021, 23:01 ·Battle Creek, United States

Bat out of Hell

Today, my kid threw a fit on our way home, wanting me to stop and call grandma. Why? Because she was convinced I was going to wreck the car, and grandma is a good driver who won't crash. When we got home, she stopped fussing, said, "Thank god, we're home," ran up to grandpa and said, "Mom's a scary driver." She's 3. FML

I agree, your life sucks 863 You deserved it 404

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Anonymous · 21 November 2022, 10:00 ·United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy

Inappropriate "joke" time

Today, at work, we were talking about how Google apparently has a room full of puppies for when their employees are feeling stressed. I made a very loud joke about how we should get a room full of company prostitutes for when we feel stressed, not realizing there was a customer and my manager in the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 273 You deserved it 2 203

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Anonymous · 30 November 2022, 04:00

Calculated revenge

Today, my maths teacher, who hates me ever since I pointed out a mistake he made a few months ago, rang my dad and blatantly lied to him about me swearing at him in class. It was a complete load of bollocks, but my dad believed him and took away my PlayStation until after Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 999 You deserved it 182

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Anonymous · 2 June 2020, 05:00

Extreme drying

Today, I was drying my duvet and pillows in the dryer. Apparently, one of the pillows was memory foam, which I was not aware of. It caught on fire due to the heat and nearly burned down my laundry room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 160 You deserved it 852

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sarah · 6 June 2020, 20:00

Respect should be earned

Today, while out in public, my stepmom turned and screamed at me for a good while for “walking through a door before an elder.” People stared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 493 You deserved it 238

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lancus · 7 June 2020, 14:06

Patriotic ass

Today, my 6-year-old daughter and I were leaving a swimming pool when we passed the front desk, where there was a Canadian flag. She said, "Look daddy! A maple leaf! Just like on your ass!” I forgot that she knew about my tattoo and the flag. We ran out as people burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 199 You deserved it 759

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Fart queen · 5 December 2022, 04:00 🌶️ Spicy

Rush of gas

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. When we finished, he mentioned that he made me queef. I didn’t have the heart to tell him I actually farted during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 615 You deserved it 752

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Anonymous · 18 September 2021, 11:00

Wokescolds gonna wokescold

Today, I was accused of digital blackface and culturally appropriating my own culture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 867 You deserved it 88

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Anonymous · 22 April 2024, 20:00 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

Meddling

Today, I found out my mom has been randomly searching my room. I've asked her repeatedly to stop, but she says it's her right as a parent. In retaliation I started searching their room when they were out, and found porn mags and DVDs. I confronted mom about it. Long story short, dad's in a hotel. What have I done?! FML

I agree, your life sucks 377 You deserved it 772

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Grudges · 1 November 2025, 20:00 🌶️ Spicy

Dominatrix

Today, I found an odd notebook in my wife's desk and opened it. I learned why our sex life has gotten so boring: every time I upset her, she secretly bans something sexual. For instance: "June 16th - dented car - no more lingerie" or "August 9th - forgot wallet on date night - no more rope play." FML

I agree, your life sucks 391 You deserved it 154

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Anonymous · 22 April 2024, 22:00 ·Anaheim, United States

Blocked and reported

Today, I had to call social services after a couple once again brought their baby in with severe allergic reactions. His allergy? The family dog. These idiots would rather let their kid die than get rid of the stupid mutt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 550 You deserved it 158

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Trash Fail · 21 December 2022, 00:00

Never cheap out on trash bags

Today, I tried to replace my garbage can's trash bag. Every time I tried to pick it up, it would rip. Now my only option is to physically take everything out of it and pray to the Gods of Garbage that I get a trash can that doesn't have the durability of 1-ply toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 617 You deserved it 240

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Anonymous · 25 September 2021, 23:00 🌶️ Spicy

Not now

Today, my wife and I were getting intimate in the morning. First time in forever. Things were just starting to get steamy when our 10-month-old daughter woke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 253 You deserved it 287

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Anonymous · 21 December 2022, 03:00 ·Australia

New creepypasta just dropped

Today, I was sick in bed with a nasty flu. It was also the day my bird was eaten by an animal that had silently burrowed into the cage while I was recovering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 938 You deserved it 141

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Anonymous · 29 April 2024, 14:00 ·DeWitt, United States

Me, myself, and I

Today, I was tempted into clicking a shady link with the promise of free MP3s of De La Soul’s first four albums, with all the original samples. Long story short, I had to do a system restore on my laptop. Now it won’t play audio files for some inexplicable reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 You deserved it 807

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Anonymous · 25 December 2022, 15:00 🌶️ Spicy

Dude, were you just in a McDonald's?

Today, it started off as a good day, until my guy friend called me in the middle of me turning my vibrator on. He was crying so I couldn’t finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 688 You deserved it 860

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No comment (pun not intended) · 4 May 2024, 09:00 ·United States

Frustrating

Today, Facebook severely restricted my account, all because I edited a comment too many times. Apparently, all of the vile shit I see on that website every day is perfectly okay, but editing a comment is not. Some mental gymnastics right here. First world problem, I know, but very frustrating nonetheless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391 You deserved it 173

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Eight months on the lease left · 24 November 2025, 12:00

Booze is bad

Today, I caught my boyfriend drunkenly pissing out the window. Apparently, I should be happy he pissed out the window instead of just wetting the bed. When I suggested he drink less, he got furious and yelled that I might be a lesbian, since I apparently want him to be a "pansy girly bitch boy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 432 You deserved it 88

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Sorry kitty · 14 May 2024, 09:00 ·United States

Sympathetic

Today, I was sick during the night and had to puke. I had no bucket or trashcan nearby, so I ended up puking on the floor. However, because it was so dark, I didn't notice my cat lying in the exact spot where I puked. She was not amused, giving me the mother of all death glares before she started puking herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 492 You deserved it 158

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Anonymous · 18 July 2020, 17:01

Seagull on wheels

Today, I found out the hard way what it feels like to have a seagull poo on your face while cycling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 467 You deserved it 185

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Sweet Shawarma · 5 December 2025, 20:00

Proportional response miscalculation

Today, I got served. I'm being sued by a porch pirate, whom my brother claims to have taken care of, to never steal from me ever again. What did he do? He caught her in the act and stopped her, by loading and pointing a shotgun on her face. Oh? The package in question, a kiddie eraser set priced roughly $10. FML

I agree, your life sucks 401 You deserved it 68

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that desert girl · 14 January 2023, 16:00 ·Phoenix, United States

Doggy dog world

Today, I've been crying on a regular basis because I know one day my dog will die. He’s a completely healthy and happy dog, I just can’t accept how short his life will be and the fact that he’ll probably die before me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417 You deserved it 821

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coius · 21 July 2020, 05:01

At risk

Today, after being on steroids to suppress my immune system, I found out it causes pulmonary embolisms. If I stop taking my steroids, my body will try to kill me, but if I take the steroids, the meds will try to kill me. I’m only 35 and was fit before this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 595 You deserved it 170

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Brittney · 16 January 2023, 00:00 🌶️ Spicy

Medieval ******

Today, I started an electrical fire trying to charge my vibrators. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 005 You deserved it 388

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Anonymous · 31 May 2024, 20:00 ·Dallas, United States

This is fine

Today, we're in the middle of vacation. Two days in, my dad no longer wants to do anything but sit in the hotel room and sulk because, "it's all about us." We'd already tried taking him to an antique car and motorcycle museum, and a local gun show, but he just sat in the car pouting. Five more days of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 556 You deserved it 95

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Anonymous · 18 January 2023, 12:00 🌶️ Spicy

Long term

Today, I'm demisexual, meaning I don't feel comfortable having sex with anyone I don't have a deep emotional connection with. I dropped $300 on the birth control implant yesterday so I can have 'raw' sex with my first boyfriend in 4 years. I just got broken up with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 160 You deserved it 542

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About2bhomeless · 9 November 2021, 11:01

Priorities

Today, my roommate and I received a non-payment notice from our landlord, over a dishonored check that was used to pay the rent. I give my roommate money for my share and she handles the checks. Apparently, her trip to Puerto Rico was more important than paying rent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 601 You deserved it 189

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Anonymous · 15 November 2021, 23:00 ·Knoxville, United States

Comedic timing

Today, while at a family baby shower, my grandfather thought it would be funny to inform me, in front of everyone, that I had gotten fat. I'm 7 months pregnant and the baby shower was for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 064 You deserved it 183

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