Today, I got served. I'm being sued by a porch pirate, whom my brother claims to have taken care of, to never steal from me ever again. What did he do? He caught her in the act and stopped her, by loading and pointing a shotgun on her face. Oh? The package in question, a kiddie eraser set priced roughly $10. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out one of the neighborhood kids has been stealing from my mailbox. Several packages marked "delivered" had gone missing over the last few months, so I set up a trail cam in the yard. I notified the USPS and the police; they confronted him at his house. He's been reselling everything I ordered on eBay. FML
Today, I got a letter in the mail saying I'm being sued by the guy that broke into my house last week. When I walked in and saw him, I tackled him, punched him in the face a time or two, and restrained him with zip ties. I now have to pay for his broken nose and face charges of assault. FML
Today, I came home from work to find that my neighbor's trash bins were still on the curb. While returning the bins to her backyard, her kid ran out and shot me with a paintball gun. Multiple times. He thought I was a burglar and ruined my new suit. FML
Today, I found out that the woman who I punched in the face after I caught her on my porch snooping through my mail is pressing charges. FML
Today, my brother finally paid me the $60 he owed me. I later found out that he'd stolen those $60 from my wallet. FML
Today, I showed my daughter video footage from a security camera that showed her using her employee key to enter the store I own, disarming the alarm, and stealing several very valuable items. Her defense? That someone had "photoshopped" the video. We'll see how that goes down in court. FML
Today, I was at an estate sale of my neighbor who recently passed. I recognized many items for sale that I had ordered or won on eBay from the past 8 years. Turns out the little old lady had been stealing my mail for close to a decade. FML
Today, I found out that my brother has been stealing money from me for the past five months. FML
Today, I received a package from a local guy on Craigslist. Instead of the iPhone I paid $350 for, the box only contained a photo of an iPhone. The guy had been dumb enough to attach a return address, so my husband went over and beat the shit out of him. I now have to bail him out of jail. FML
Today, my 19-year-old brother broke into my dorm and robbed me. When I tried to file a report, my brother went to my parents and told them that he took it because I owed him money on a bet. Guess who lost $92.50. FML
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Top comments
Chazzster 32
If you didn’t point the shotgun, you are not at fault.
DLBL 23
She can sue but she won't win. Counter-sue for your attorney costs.
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Comments (3)
Chazzster 32
If you didn’t point the shotgun, you are not at fault.
DLBL 23
She can sue but she won't win. Counter-sue for your attorney costs.
juggalo2 22
Mildly amusing, but sounds fake. First she can't sue you for something your brother did. Second, I don't see what the basis for a lawsuit would be as a trespasser and a thief. If he had shot her, yes. If she had had a heart attack, I guess, but threatening a thief doesn't sound like basis for a lawsuit. NAL