Today, I babysat a five year-old girl. She ran up to me, threw her arms around my waist and said, "YUMMY! I'm going to eat you!" with her face in my crotch. I said sarcastically under my breath, "Finally, some action!" I turned around to find her dad staring at me, having heard. He's my cousin. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was babysitting my baby cousin. I was lying on my back playing with her, while holding her up in the air. As I was doing that, I made cooing noises and funny faces to get her to laugh. She laughed and threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, my four-year-old cousin gave me a hug, basically stuffing his face into my crotch. Then he pulled it out and said "Ew, that's stinky" in front of my entire class. FML
Today, I was babysitting for my mum's friend. I put her little boy on my knee, and he kept pulling at my top. I asked him "are you hungry?" He replied "No, I want to see your titties." FML
Today, I babysat a 6-year-old boy for the first time. When I said it was his bedtime, he just screamed "Eat a dick!" at me. I was so shocked, all I could do was leave him be. When his parents returned, I had to make up an excuse for why he was still awake and watching TV, to save my pride. FML
Today, I babysat an 11 year old kid while his parents ate out. As soon as they left, the kid asked me if I wanted to be on the sex offender's list. Before I could even process that, he told me to stay out of his way and he wouldn't accuse me of anything. FML
Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML
Today, I was sitting on the couch with my 5 year-old on my lap. All of a sudden, she turned to me and said, "Daddy, I love your boobies. They're a good pillow." My own kid just called me fat. FML
Today, I was working at a day care center. A 5 year old boy came up to me telling me he wanted to eat my face. Confused, I asked him why. He said, "Because your face looks like pizza." FML
Today, I was babysitting my four year-old cousin when she asked if I had a boyfriend. I said no, and she responded, “Oh. That makes sense.” I’ve been emotionally defeated by someone whose favorite word is “poop.” FML
Today, while babysitting a six year-old boy, he asked me if I could show him my "boobies." I said no, that wouldn't be very appropriate. Suddenly, he pulled down his undies and pointed at his package while exclaiming, "Look, my penis is on again!" It was pointing RIGHT at me. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
fb_fml 0
Wow, who would even think of something like that with your 5-year-old relative, let alone say it out loud? That's right, FYL.
Melody_fml 0
#5 she had just gotten there. dont parents normally wait till the baby sitter is there BEFORE they leave?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (152)
LocoChaz006 0
LMAO! A bit risque, but funny!
LP95 0
what's wrong with everyone here? there's a little thing called sarcasm. the op obviously had no pedophillic thoughts when he said this. just a ******* joke. calm down everyone
dance_girl08 0
haha awkward much? vote at:http://www.fanta.com/browse/contestant?id=046f74a53802b483735c610694d37e527ff201549e2a6253ebe28ea17ae3c504
nixxx90 0
wow whoever thinks this is funny is just as perverted as the op. being comfortable enough to say that about a child is disgusting. if they were saying it to someone else as in a friend then yeah it'd be funny but saying it when you're alone is weird
jypsyfyre 0
This is how I read this one aloud to my hubby: "Today, I babysat a five year old girl. She ran up to me, threw her arms around my waist and said, "YUMMY! I'm going to eat you!" with her face in my crotch. [But wait, there's more!] I said sarcastically under my breath, "Finally, some action!" [But wait, there's more!] I turned around to find her dad staring at me, having heard. He's my cousin. FML."
Pouncehyena 0
I lol'ed. Frankly I get this humor and I rather like dry wit even if it is a horrid subject. I hope he wasnt pissed off at you. One would think if he's your cousin he's used to the weird shit you say ^_^
DarkBlisBT 0
OWNED.
sasonzal 4
u should be in a sitkom,your funny
kcluna 6
god you such a jerk go look for someone your age !!!
sarebear123 0
Lol, you deserved it :)