Today, I babysat a five year-old girl. She ran up to me, threw her arms around my waist and said, "YUMMY! I'm going to eat you!" with her face in my crotch. I said sarcastically under my breath, "Finally, some action!" I turned around to find her dad staring at me, having heard. He's my cousin. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was babysitting my baby cousin. I was lying on my back playing with her, while holding her up in the air. As I was doing that, I made cooing noises and funny faces to get her to laugh. She laughed and threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, my four-year-old cousin gave me a hug, basically stuffing his face into my crotch. Then he pulled it out and said "Ew, that's stinky" in front of my entire class. FML
Today, I was babysitting for my mum's friend. I put her little boy on my knee, and he kept pulling at my top. I asked him "are you hungry?" He replied "No, I want to see your titties." FML
Today, I babysat a 6-year-old boy for the first time. When I said it was his bedtime, he just screamed "Eat a dick!" at me. I was so shocked, all I could do was leave him be. When his parents returned, I had to make up an excuse for why he was still awake and watching TV, to save my pride. FML
Today, I babysat an 11 year old kid while his parents ate out. As soon as they left, the kid asked me if I wanted to be on the sex offender's list. Before I could even process that, he told me to stay out of his way and he wouldn't accuse me of anything. FML
Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML
Today, I was sitting on the couch with my 5 year-old on my lap. All of a sudden, she turned to me and said, "Daddy, I love your boobies. They're a good pillow." My own kid just called me fat. FML
Today, I was working at a day care center. A 5 year old boy came up to me telling me he wanted to eat my face. Confused, I asked him why. He said, "Because your face looks like pizza." FML
Today, I was babysitting my four year-old cousin when she asked if I had a boyfriend. I said no, and she responded, “Oh. That makes sense.” I’ve been emotionally defeated by someone whose favorite word is “poop.” FML
Today, while babysitting a six year-old boy, he asked me if I could show him my "boobies." I said no, that wouldn't be very appropriate. Suddenly, he pulled down his undies and pointed at his package while exclaiming, "Look, my penis is on again!" It was pointing RIGHT at me. FML
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Top comments
fb_fml 0
Wow, who would even think of something like that with your 5-year-old relative, let alone say it out loud? That's right, FYL.
Melody_fml 0
#5 she had just gotten there. dont parents normally wait till the baby sitter is there BEFORE they leave?
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Comments (152)
EIDS 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I'm a bit of a moron. Stupid ***** like myself are desperate for attention, so I just posted this here to get some. Please thumb me down.
RachelTheLoser 0
hahahahaha this fml is hilarioussss xD
tbj42409 0
your a perv
123whyme 0
you are a sick, sick person my friend xD
domolovesyoshi 33
what makes you think this? nothing in the comment suggest that he's a perv
DoomSkuller 28
#189 FML admins sometimes edit agitatingly stupid or ignorant comments into hilariously stupid comments instead. I imagine that's what happened here.
That_Guy 4
wow your an idiot!
chloe2114 4
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
wait a second, OP, does that mean your a shemale!?!?
LiiLii_13 0
WOWW COCHINO MARANOOO.!! > :/
Sam_13161821 0
the whole point of saying things under your breath is for others NOT to hear it.
Miss_Represented 0
Pedo much?
MackenzieBug 0
lol, that was kind of mean!! but I would have to agree! the whole point of saying things under your breath is so they DON'T hear it =p
noobienick 19
You're*
Melody_fml 0
#5 she had just gotten there. dont parents normally wait till the baby sitter is there BEFORE they leave?
Meri_fml 0
Ohh, poor guy. I know that; sarcastic comments are often misunderstood, that's really horrible.
fb_fml 0
Wow, who would even think of something like that with your 5-year-old relative, let alone say it out loud? That's right, FYL.
Seegtease 0
If you were jokingly saying the comment to another person (obviously a joke) it might have made sense. But you actually said it out loud with no intention of anybody hearing it? That's pretty weird.
Imjustabusboy 0
That's ******* awesome! lmao. Just look at the humor, please.
Meri_fml 0
#11 doesn't understand this kind of humor, just like most of the others commenting here. ^^ Well, I do. It's called 'british humor', and I don't think, anybody would say things like that if he/she wasn't joking. 'Cause that would be... ehh... weird. Disgusting. Urgh. (No, I'm not britain.) Yeah, #12 is right! ^^
demonxshadow 1
agreed.
DerpyHooves 0
So, since you "get it", I guess it's fine then? I mean, never mind that this is a very sexual joke towards a child or anything. All in good fun so long as he doesn't act it out, right?
alizzette_nabash 6
You aren't Britain? Haha ok but no it's gross because it was sarcastic. Itd be fine if she said it "jokingly I said.." but it was sarcastic and a child and it became weird.
LesaraRose 8
I agree. If it wasn't a kid I could understand. If my babysitter ever says that in this situation I will shoot him. It's a disgusting joke for the simple fact it was a child. Otherwise it would have been funny
EatUrGreens 20
This isn't "British humour", unless you're trying to say British people are pervs..
NorfolkDude 2
You must be horny. Next time you get urges, and want action, perhaps you should do so in your room by yourself.
ajw_5025 0
#13 I agree that people don't really get this type of humour, I for one was ROFLing away when I read it. #12 you are right, it's just plain funny! people often say things for fun which they know would be considered sick or wrong if they were meant as said- it was just plain bad luck that her cousin heard her! :P