Today, I was getting intimate with my current booty-call when he thought it would be funny to make animal sounds. He "baa-ed", "moo-ed", and "gobbled" until losing his erection from intense laughter, leaving me there very confused and unsatisfied. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend. He's the kind of guy that likes to keep things interesting. Just as he started climaxing, he began to meow. FML
Today, I was having amazing sex with this guy I had been seeing for a while. It got really intense, so did my moans. Guys usually like when I moan, but he just put his hands over my mouth and told me to "shut up" because it sounded like "pig noises". FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he started pretending he was a dog. This included barking, licking my face, and scratching his ears. FML
Today, I accidentally mooed during sex. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It would have been a lot sexier had our chihuahua not decided to rim his ass as he thrust into me, causing him to break out into a case of the giggles. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that I needed to moan louder so that he knew I was enjoying it. Reluctantly, I put a little 'umph' into my moans during the next round. He pulled out and said, "It's just awkward now." FML
Today, I was visiting my boyfriend, who lives 2 hours away. After about twenty minutes of glorious sex, he told me in no uncertain terms that he was about to come. He then "baaa"d like a sheep as he came. I couldn't come after that. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting in the mood. I got on top of him, leaned down to kiss him, and he began to laugh. Puzzled, I asked him why. He told me that when I'm naked and on top of him, I reminded him of a cow, with "udders." Offended, I went to get off him. "No no!" he protested, "a SEXY cow." FML
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Top comments
poetrywriter12 6
Someone's one sheep short of a farm...
Pleonasm 36
Not very amoosing for you? You picked a baad choice for a bootycall then. You udder reconsider picking your partners without doing a baackground check, so that they don't pull the wool over your eyes like that again and leave you unsatisfied. Don't be the kind of Chick that clucks with foul cocks.
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Comments (107)
Delta2Almanac 7
No horse sounds? I'm very surprised by his lack of animal farm sounds.
andrew6p 19
Well you could've slapped him on the face and say," Focus on the kitty, hunny"
ICastillo 25
Yup Op or after you slapped him you could have said "less sound and more pound".
andrew6p 19
Reminds me a bit of american wedding when stifler was humping the shit out of jim's grandma
Harpy20 24
Find a new one.
gracehi 33
Aw, c'mon, OP. Don't be so sheepish.
SpikyG 3
BootyCall? Really?
woainishamu 21
He was calling out to your booty.
Enslaved 38
Sounds like he rather give you a cluck instead of a ****.
ICastillo 25
Well maybe he thought you would follow his lead and "gobble" something.
bredahl 26
Guess it's time to ditch that bootycall...
FlashBurn 13
Udderly disappointing, such a turkey. I should think there are plenty of animal puns, so to moove on I'll just say this: You and me, baby, ain't nuthin but mammals... (You know the rest)
AnyaS 19
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery channel!