Today, I learned not to take sex tips from virgins seriously. "Have sex in the shower", they said. "It'll be fun", they said. Well they didn't take slippage into account. One busted nose and concussion later, I'm not seeing the "fun" part at all. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML
Today, I was in the shower with my boyfriend, and things started to get heated. That's where it all went to hell; I slipped and fell, bringing down with me the curtain and grooming products, and putting my back out. There goes my sex life. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. He picked me up and threw me over his shoulder to take me to his room. He wasn't careful enough, and dropped me right on my head, on the hardwood floor. I ended up vomiting and came down with a headache. He still wanted to have sex. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were trying something new. I ended up with a shard of glass in my back and a concussion. Don't have sex on a glass table. FML
Today, I was messing with my boyfriend in my basement. We are both virgins and he wanted to perform oral sex on me for the first time. Naked, we finally decided to try to have sex. We discovered the act is much harder than it may seem. We're both still virgins. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Feeling goofy, I thought it’d be funny to try to reenact that horrible sex scene from the movie Showgirls. I threw my body back, but completely lost my balance and smashed my head on the headboard. I ended up with a bad concussion and a huge hospital bill. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my husband, and I tried to do a swift position-change like they do in the movies. I wound up flipping off the bed and busting my nose open on the floor. FML
Today, I got extremely wasted and decided to take a shower with my boyfriend. What seemed like a good and sexy idea turned into us falling and getting wedged in the bathtub. FML
Today, while in the shower with my boyfriend, I tried to heat things up by washing his knob with my loofa. He couldn't stop laughing and eventually laughed so hard that he slipped and fell. He now has a bruised butt while I have a missing toenail from catching his fall. Ouch. FML
Today, I was fooling around with my partner after his shower. He moved my hands up to push me against the wall. Instead of hitting the wall, my hands hit the shower rod. It fell on my face and I got a bloody nose. FML
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Top comments
Rainbow_Rhinos 23
Why would you take sex tips from virgins anyway? YDI
AviKerensky 17
Cause of injury: Lack of adhesive ducks.
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Comments (86)
Rainbow_Rhinos 23
Why would you take sex tips from virgins anyway? YDI
LilMissCanadian 22
It's like asking your grandmother on how to use the iPhone 6. Have to agree with #1 here, YDI
doodlecloud 27
Eh, I feel like I knew more about sex as a virgin than I do now as a non-virgin. Super horny curious teenager vs. busy adult. I've probably forgotten more than some people have ever known. : /
aruden 25
I don't think the "virgins" advice was bad, I think OP just sucks at shower sex.
cheshireau 26
Shower sex is, ironically, the driest sex you'll ever have. No virgin would know that.
derpina72 23
Umm....my husband and I make wubbie in the shower all the time, we've never fallen and it's really convent because we can get nice n clean afterwards. Don't blame someone for your mess up just because they are a virgin.
AviKerensky 17
Cause of injury: Lack of adhesive ducks.
send3426 24
per, Sheldon Cooper
ThrottleJockey 36
That's Dr. Sheldon Cooper to you.
TheAspieDork 27
Ayyyyyyyyyyy
alex_622 22
Glad you're ok OP! But it's all about the experience, whether it's good or bad.
stingray112 24
They said to have sex not busy your nose and get a concussion silly
Mathalamus 25
I'm sure they meant for you to do it with a shower mat... But what do i know? I'm also a virgin with nooooo knowledge about sex or anything AT ALL. ... Yeah, I'm bitter.
9a_1z 12
Pretty sure most people with basic common sense knows showers get slippy, whether they've had sex or not! Also for future reference you can get special shower grippy things if you reeaally want to shag in there and not injure yourself.
tamesenicole 27
So am I but I know you gotta be careful in that bih lol
LyricaSilvan 30
The fact that they're virgins should have been a clue.
themysteriousfox 18
Sorry OP- it's really not that bad if you can keep your footing. Better luck next time.
TheGreenEyedWolf 13
Are you speaking from experience, 6?
littlekellilee 45
I thought it was common knowledge. Shower sex is fun! Part of the fun is finding stable positions.
fakedsincerity 32
i'm super clumsy and even with a bath mat i slip over. T_T after all these comments i feel like i'm missing out by giving up on it!
hiitisbrooke 28
Real life is never like the movies
UncleCaitlyn 21
Except when it is
UserError94 18
Except what movies are you watching o.O?
djTrikhster 4
or pornos
WCARlover 35
I mean, on the bright side, you slipping is better than the condom slipping
fakedsincerity 32
I have also made this mistake. Never again. lol.
Feklfekl2222 32
I was advised by non virgins it would be fantastic, so many regrets. I was terrified we would slip, and one of us was always inhaling water. Sexy showers are fine and dandy provided you don't go all the way
fakedsincerity 32
That's true. Making out in the shower is pretty nice.
9a_1z 12
When I tried it we either needed to be shorter or get a bigger shower because it felt like we were two giraffes trying to get it on inside a phone box. The only positive was that it was hilarious.
bella_nana347 23
Sounds like a slippery situation
heartofhannah 28
Stop.
Grazelent_90 16
That's amazing ???