Today, my family and I finally moved out of our apartment, and into a more accommodating house. However, as we were leaving, my brother leans over and whispers in my ear, "I've masturbated in every room of that apartment, but it was the best in your room." We've lived there for 3 years. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I walked in on my brother masturbating. In the living room. For the second time. FML
Today, my brother and I moved out of an apartment into a new one. We both have ADD. Whatever you now imagine what that went like, yes, it exactly went like that. FML
Today, I just moved in with my friend and had my brother help with the move. Later that night both my brother and my friend wouldn't let me sleep because of how loud the sex was. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I moved into our own house. He proceeded to invite his parents to stay for the week. The same parents we've lived with for the past 5 years. FML
Today, I moved into my new apartment and met my new roommate. Immediately after shaking hands he suggested that we make a "masturbation schedule" to avoid any awkward situations. Way to avoid an awkward situation. FML
Today, my brother had a party with over 60 people in my basement. It turns out that five different couples had sex under the same comforter. The comforter was mine. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having it off in his den, I screamed at the height of my climax, and from the family room came the roaring laughter of my boyfriend's brothers. FML
Today, my boyfriend finally moved out from his parents' house to his friend's flat. Excited that I wouldn't have to be so silent when we had sex anymore, I went over to spend the night. His bedroom is right next to his friend's 4-year-old daughter's room. FML
Today, I had to clean out my husband's brother's room as he is moving. The room was filled with childish toys, mould and years of dust covered everything. Behind and under every piece of furniture were earwax encrusted cotton swabs, hundreds of them. Oh yeah, he's moving in with us. FML
Today, I finally told my parents I would be changing bedrooms because I could no longer stand hearing them having sex, which is awkward and disturbing. Later, my dad came and asked me quietly if I thought my mom sounded "satisfied." FML
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Top comments
Notesz_b 13
Well then...that's inappropriate.
Hefri123 19
Shit in his bed?
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Comments (63)
Witchylady 18
What a vulgar human being. In your new house lock pad lock your room. And tell your mom that he is a gross sticky lunatic
waleedma 18
Psychopath????
datwall 16
Does his knob also fit perfectly in his hand?
mszjred2013 4
or white-handed....
zimme2579 10
Op what is your gender?
DrumrollPlease 9
...I've known SO many brothers who would say that entirely to see your reaction/mess with your head having never actually done it, if that's any consolation?
ElizabethT003 8
What the ****
cheyrenee22 13
Depending on what gender you are this is either completely creepy or possibly a joke.
ny2uk2va 8
What a "jerk"
ny2uk2va 8
He just wanted you to know that you spent some quality time with your extremely young half-nephews/nieces. What a close family ☺️