Today, my elderly neighbour told me why my other neighbours don't talk to me. I'm a massage/physical therapist and treat clients, mostly athletes, in my home. My neighbours saw the steady stream of young, buff guys coming to my house and concluded that I'm a gay prostitute. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was asked if the reason I didn't like the new male massage therapist was because I was no longer the most muscular person in the spa. I'm a 5'4 woman and I don't work out. FML
Today, my crazy neighbor came up to me in the street and slapped me across the face, accusing me of leering through her restroom window while she showered. I'm gay. FML
Today, a person I've never met called me a whore and spat on me. Why? Because I was babysitting for my neighbors and answered the door for two well dressed women passing out religious pamphlets. I politely declined to take any. Apparently being a 15 year-old girl caring for a toddler makes me a sex worker. FML
Today, I caught my elderly neighbour skinny-dipping in my pool. FML
Today, my elderly neighbor had asked me to take her to her early morning doctor's appointment. I arrived at her house at 7:30 as agreed, and she appeared to have forgotten who I was. She started lobbing eggs out of her window at me, telling me she wasn't interested in what I was selling. FML
Today, my elderly neighbour was having some kind of house party. It was incredibly loud, so I went and asked if he could tone it down a little. He responded by grabbing a deck chair, smacking me with it, then chasing me back to my house, all while his guests cheered him on. FML
Today, I found out that our neighbors told almost everyone on our street that I was mentally handicapped. All this time I wasn't sure why they would speak slowly and loudly at me. Now they won't believe me when I tell them I'm a 4.0 GPA student. FML
Today, my neighbor, who is an elderly woman that I barely know, decided to tell me about how she feels she's lost too much weight and now when she looks at herself naked she thinks her boobs hang and look like bull testicles. FML
Today, I finished a very difficult order and brought it to a client's house. He greeted me at the door in his underwear, and thanked me by kissing me. Now his whole neighbourhood probably thinks we're gay, even though I'm straight. FML
Today, I found out that I bought a house next door to crazy people. She asked me if I would mind not showering when her husband is at home, because he can hear me and knowing I’m naked on the other side of the wall turns him on, which is a nuisance for her. He’s unemployed. He’s always at home, the creep. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
sturschaedel 27
If you really were a prostitute it wouldn't be the young, buff and attractive guys seeking your service.
underthesea12 24
Well now you know how to increase your income.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (67)
middlenamefrank 8
Seems like a fairly easy problem to solve. Tour the neighborhood, introduce yourself, give them a business card and tell them that if they know anybody that needs PT, you're available. Open a conversation with the neighbors and maybe even get some new business.
Artemishuntress 8
well then lmfao
AyOoDaLoBo33 10
What kind of guy wants to be massaged by another dude anyway?? I really wonder about this thing.
RobinGoodfellow 47
Probably the ones who are there for relief for their aches and pains instead of for a potential hard-on from some woman who's just doing her job?
lestethegreat 10
# massage therapist problems!!! I found this funny because I've been asked for "the happy ending" to a massage. I told him, "Yes, it's when u get off my table, pay for ur appointment & NEVER come back!"
bsums203 13
Time to have a chat with the neighbors to clarify things.
swaggyswagswag 17
They're not worth talking to if they think that without knowing you anyways.
G00N3R 19
Gotta earn a living somehow ;)
shiny_shipper 28
That's pretty unfortunate...FYL
demonfacee 14
Sounds like they're not true friends.
life_smh 15
I'll happily take your job any day.