Today, my elderly neighbour told me why my other neighbours don't talk to me. I'm a massage/physical therapist and treat clients, mostly athletes, in my home. My neighbours saw the steady stream of young, buff guys coming to my house and concluded that I'm a gay prostitute. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was asked if the reason I didn't like the new male massage therapist was because I was no longer the most muscular person in the spa. I'm a 5'4 woman and I don't work out. FML
Today, my crazy neighbor came up to me in the street and slapped me across the face, accusing me of leering through her restroom window while she showered. I'm gay. FML
Today, a person I've never met called me a whore and spat on me. Why? Because I was babysitting for my neighbors and answered the door for two well dressed women passing out religious pamphlets. I politely declined to take any. Apparently being a 15 year-old girl caring for a toddler makes me a sex worker. FML
Today, I caught my elderly neighbour skinny-dipping in my pool. FML
Today, my elderly neighbor had asked me to take her to her early morning doctor's appointment. I arrived at her house at 7:30 as agreed, and she appeared to have forgotten who I was. She started lobbing eggs out of her window at me, telling me she wasn't interested in what I was selling. FML
Today, my elderly neighbour was having some kind of house party. It was incredibly loud, so I went and asked if he could tone it down a little. He responded by grabbing a deck chair, smacking me with it, then chasing me back to my house, all while his guests cheered him on. FML
Today, I found out that our neighbors told almost everyone on our street that I was mentally handicapped. All this time I wasn't sure why they would speak slowly and loudly at me. Now they won't believe me when I tell them I'm a 4.0 GPA student. FML
Today, my neighbor, who is an elderly woman that I barely know, decided to tell me about how she feels she's lost too much weight and now when she looks at herself naked she thinks her boobs hang and look like bull testicles. FML
Today, I finished a very difficult order and brought it to a client's house. He greeted me at the door in his underwear, and thanked me by kissing me. Now his whole neighbourhood probably thinks we're gay, even though I'm straight. FML
Today, I found out that I bought a house next door to crazy people. She asked me if I would mind not showering when her husband is at home, because he can hear me and knowing I’m naked on the other side of the wall turns him on, which is a nuisance for her. He’s unemployed. He’s always at home, the creep. FML
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Top comments
sturschaedel 27
If you really were a prostitute it wouldn't be the young, buff and attractive guys seeking your service.
underthesea12 24
Well now you know how to increase your income.
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Comments (67)
helmiz 17
this is so funny
Erebus_Terror 12
maybe you are secretly gay but you don't know it?
MRSwick2525 23
Because OP is a massage therapist? That. dans that they are gay and do not realize it? Really? So that must mean every physical therapist and massage therapist is gay. May want to think before you make that type of accusation.
nunurbiz 4
I know it's not relevant, but I can't fit it in the allocated spot. My Chinese gf received a call from an unknown number, she answers in English but after realising its a Chinese guy on the other end begins to talk in Chinese, which I don't understand. Her chat becomes very loud, laughing and excitable, even wakes her mother up. After 5 minutes of laughing with this "stranger" she hangs up and excitedly tells me she's had really great news. When I turn and ask her what it was, being the interested bf I am, she pauses for a moment, almost like she realises who she is talking to now and says "can't be bothered to explain" and sticks her head back in her games. Suspicious much?
Polynomial 28
What?
syed121417 22
That sounds shady, my sir.
Exodiafinder687 58
Well to be fair you are using your hands to give a lot of guys relief. So your neighbors are kind of half right.
vikky538 29
wow...your neighbors have ugly assumptions...
vlalam 24
So are you? lol.. just kidding... don't listen to them, u don't need judgemental and jealousy ppl in ur life.. u r better without them
syed121417 22
People are so invested in others' lives, it's sad. They shouldn't make such big assumptions. But did you tell this particular neighbor your actual occupation? If so, they will probably mention it to the others and they will stop isolating you.
captainsmegma 12
If your services conclude with a happy ending, then you are indeed a prostitute.
chikinscratch00 8
lol
JPStarre 12
Well I think you should just... Love thy neighbour. *weird old uncle laughter* #pun
ImTheAlpha 30
#no
xxreikoxx 31
#40: HELL NO.