Today, after a 14-mile bike tour in Chicago, I got rug burn on my inner thighs. Having the hostel room all by myself for the last couple of days, I got naked and let the air conditioner cool me off. I then had to explain to my roommate that walked in on me that I seriously was not jerking off. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I cycled to work. Since it was so hot out, I decided to go shirtless, then I would put it on before I entered the building. Ninety minutes later, I arrived at work. My shirt, however, was still at home on my dresser. FML
Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML
Today, I took a shower in a beach house we're renting for the week. Once I get out, I realize the house doesn't supply towels, my entire family was outside in the front yard, my phone was upstairs, and there are no blinds. I stood under a ceiling fan naked for 20 minutes trying to dry off. FML
Today, I went camping with my family. While I was using the shower house, my sister decided it'd be hilarious to run off with my clothes and towel. I ran back to the camper, completely naked, only for my parents to bitch me out for streaking. FML
Today, I came back home from a holiday with family. Finally being on my own, I did some catching up on my masturbation. I have jerked off so much and/or so vigorously, I now have a carpet burn on my penis. FML
Today, I got home so exhausted after working a 24-hour shift that I stripped naked before peeing into the toilet, but forgot to take off my boxers first, so I was peeing into my boxers, and didn’t notice until I felt the heat running down my thighs onto the floor. FML
Today, we're in the middle of a heatwave. When I woke up this morning, I noticed that my scrotum was stuck to the side of my leg from all the perspiration. I had to actually peel it off. FML
Today, I sat down on my bed completely naked in front of my husband and said, "Man, it's hot in here!" while spreading my legs. He just blew on my vagina, asked if that was better, and then walked away. FML
Today, I got naked after coming home. It's super hot where I live and I wanted to cool down before getting dressed again. As I was standing there, minding my own business, the cat I'm pet-sitting for a friend reached up and clawed me on the vagina. FML
Today, I took my clothes off for a shower at an RV campsite. I started running the water when I noticed there was a pack of hornets in the bathroom. I stood there, stark naked, waiting for a chance to get out, for four hours. FML
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Top comments
Tripartita 45
"Today, I caught my roommate jerking off. He tried to deny it despite having masturbated furiously enough to cause intercrural chaffing. Then he muttered something about my mom and dairy. FML"
bheaze 20
Never heard of a cold shower? Sounds like a better option to me when you're in a possibly communal room. But hey, to each there own I guess..
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Comments (18)
AN5661618 10
At least he didn't catch you actually doing it
Witchylady 18
YDI. Unless you are in a private room. You have to expect that there would be people walking through that dorm door at some point.
revolvearoundme 15
There is so much wrong with what you said that you brought all this on yourself. First off, rug burn on your inner thigh? Either you're freaky or you meant friction burn. Then you decided naked was the way to go in a hostel room? Air conditioner for friction burn? Basically you were enjoying having your nuts cooled and making your friction burn worse.
dlToTlb 10
just show him how you normally jerk off so he can tell the differences
miina_xo 7
why would you be in the nude though??
applesaucerox 10
Chafing you get from something like that is so close to the underwear sometimes that even underwear is uncomfortable.